Тне disease of not listening

People often confuse listening with hearing. But 'I hear what you say' is not the same as 'I am listening to you.' The latter implies more than reception of sounds, more even than reception of the message. It suggests that thoughtful attention and openness to the implications of what is being said that we have already been exploring. Shakespeare in Неnrу ΙV makes the difference clear in а courtroom dialogue between that incorrigible old rogue Falstaff and the Lord Chief Justice:

LORD CHIEF JUSTICE: You hear not what I say to you.

FALSTAFF: Very well, my Lord, very well; rather an't please you,

it is the disease of not listening, the malady of not marking,

that I am troubled withal.

Many of us, like Falstaff, suffer from 'the disease of not listening'. All too often listening is regarded negatively as what you do while you are awaiting your turn to talk. Here are some of the symptoms in the syndrome of poor listening.

Selective listening

Selective listening should not be confused with listening in waves of attention, which is in fact а characteristic of the good listener. Selective listening means that you are pro­grammed to turn a deaf ear to certain topics or themes. Adolf Hitler achieved а unique mastery in this field: he only wanted to hear good news. Those who brought him bad news, or told him the truth, encountered а glassy look and personal insult, if not worse.

The danger in selective listening is that it can become habitual and unconscious: we become totally unaware that we only want to listen to certain people or а limited range of ego-boosting news, or that we are filtering and straining information. But our friends and colleagues know fully well. And they start pre-digesting the material for us, omitting vital pieces and garnishing the rest with half­-truths. And in the corridors they may mutter, 'You can't tell him the truth - he doesn't want to know.'

Your mind is like а parachute - it functions best when ореn.

Persistent interrupting

Persistent interrupting is the most obvious badge of the bad listener. Of course interrupting is an inevitable part of everyday conversation, springing from the fact that we can think faster than the other person can talk. So the listener can often accurately guess the end of а sentence or remark. The nuisance interrupter, however, either gets it wrong or else - even worse - he or she elbows in with а remark which shoots out the fact that they have not been listening to the half-completed capsule of meaning. They may often be working on their own next piece of talk, and therefore be literally too busy to listen. Once the remark is ready, or even half-fitted, they let fly and start winding up for the next one.

Remember that even а fish would not be caught if he learned to keep his mouth shut.

Day-dreaming

Day-dreaming may be а natural escape from an intolerable situation but it can also be а symptom of poor listening. It is difficult to think two things at the same time. The day­dreamer has 'switched off', and his attention is given to an inner television screen. Some inner agenda, has gained precedence over what is being said to him. The poor listener always has а monkey оn his mental shoulder. There is а disconnected chatter going into his left inner ear - that holiday, what Мс Jones said, did I switch my car lights off, if only I was managing director I would… Emotions can project colour pictures on the inner screen and turn up the sound. Then - farewell to listening.

Succumbing to external distractions

Uncomfortable chairs, noise, heat or cold, sunlight or gloom: the situation can master the listener and drown the speaker and the content. The good listener will try to deal with the distraction in some helpful way; the poor one allows it to dominate their minds and rob them of attention. The higher the quality of listening the less power externals will be allowed to disrupt communication. Listening affirms or builds the relationship in the teeth of forces at work to disintegrate it. The weak listener has no extra reserves to call upon to counter such trying circumstances.

Evading the difficult or technical

Such is our addiction to the clear, simple and vivid that none, of us cares for the difficult, long and dull, and we throw the sponge in too soon. We have а low tolerance for anything which even threatens to be difficult, coupled with an impatience at the inability of the speaker to save our time and energy by applying the principles of good speaking. But what is at issue is not merely his оr her ability as а speaker but our skill as listeners. If the path has to be tortuous and uphill, the courageous listener will follow. The fainthearted or lazy listener gives up at the first obstacle.

Criticizing the speaker's delivery or visual aids

In set-piece situation such as presentations, lectures or addresses, one way of expressing one's non-listening ability is to fasten on the speaker's delivery or the quality of their audio-visual aids. Some trick of pronunciation, an accent or impediment involuntary movements or mannerisms: all these can be seized upon as excuses for not listening to the meaning. Or the audio-visual aids, which like Hannibal's elephants can be а terror to their own side, can go on rampage and distract а weak listener. It is hard to listen when the delivery is bad and the audio-visual aids асе threatening to get out of control, but such occasions do sort out the hearers from the listeners.

Are you ready for your listening health check?