[Side two of tape]

We can be, we can get ourselves very sick in recovery. We come to find out something about some of these underlying things of our growing up because once you get to a certain amount of doing, in doing your inventory and giving it up. You have discoveries and discover your shortcomings and the discoveries of character defects that we are not able to take care of in these rooms. Does it amaze you, we come to find out we are sick cookies and very often need some additional help. On a number of occasions, I went and got some additional help. I had to be pointed in new directions that I seemed to be blinded by when I was amongst you. One of the other things that did occur at this particular time was, my recovery I think our health have to be very attentive to these things we tend to ignore. One of these things is our health and you will find out many things that come up while you are clean that you do not know what to do about. Do you take the medication the doctor gives you and give yourself the permission and say the doctor gave it to me and pat yourself on the back, or suffer it out and be the martyr. Oh I can take it, cut it open doc I can take it I am a dope fiend. I cannot take any of that medicine because I am a dope fiend. We must learn how to deal with those particular areas in our living. If I have had major surgery, I had other conditions that I had to go to the hospital and put myself under a doctor’s care. I had to let you know what my condition was so that you could come and monitor me, come and check on me because I know what something induced in my body sometimes what my head will tell me. I give myself permission; the doctor said it was ok. I have seen to many people leave here because they would not tell their doctors or would not tell their fellows what was happening. These are things we have to learn here, not something that we know when we come in and you will hear many things and many ideas thrown around as you have today. You will hear many ideas being thrown around that has no value that really have no value. The reason I say has no value is because very often, we will come in here and the fight of the day was fighting the last two or three years ago battle. The battle was resolved ten years ago and they are still fighting the same battle. The yays and nays have been said already, been prayed over, blessed and everything and have been n operation and we are still fighting the same battle, is not that something. Why are we wasting all that time? It is the nature of the beast were afraid to let it go; do not want to let it go.

I am glad that I was here today. I came with somewhat of an open mind and that has not always been the case because I usually came with hidden agendas on occasion myself. But I tried to keep an open mind as to what was going to transpire and how it was going to come about and how could I be of some service, some help by being here. Hopefully I can lend some enlightenment or direction on what is going on here. That is if I have it, I do not know I do not have all the answers there. I think some people are a little uptight sometimes because somebody does not have the answer. I am sorry, I have not become a computer head yet and I do not know if I want to be. I got enough extraneous bullshit up here anyhow that I need to get rid of, but I do not need to retain it or get rid of it in that sense.

I know this can be a growing period and I hope that one of the things that will happen here that we have grown just a little bit before we leave. That we leave our misgivings and our hard feelings and all those things leave it here do not take it with you. If you have to get somebody over in a corner to exercise to throw it up to throw, it away to get rid of it don’t carry it with you. Those things eat holes in us. Those things that I carried around that had no meaning and I was upset have no meaning. The only person that causes me pain is me because the other person usually does not know what is going on. I hope this is not and exercise in futility in which we are I do not believe that it is you know because the things I have heard expressed here today were real feelings. Regardless if it had nothing to do with right or wrong they were real, they were feelings, they were right. What ever they may have been but I think we must look at the things that we do and see if they are still in the vein of remaining that addict that we are, remaining that active part of our addiction still raising its head and presenting itself. We must look at ourselves, because very often when I am looking at you and blaming you or criticizing you or doing these things is only a reflection of what I do not feel good about me. Isn’t that something, amazing? When you start pointing your finger and blaming and talking about a mother around here, you had better go look in the mirror, you had better go look in the mirror. You are talking about spiritual axioms. Start understanding what spiritual axioms is all about and you might be presenting what you think to someone else is presenting it right back to you. It is all a learning process. It is a very slow process also. Do not expect too much from you neither should you expect too much from me. Regardless of how long I may have been around here I still have shortcomings, I still have character defects, and I am still in the process of recovering. I am in the process of recovering I am not well. Sorry folks this is the best it gets, this is all that I am. I am what I am but I am a much better person than what I was when I got here. Today I am the best person I have ever been. I know that, I do not know if you know that. To some I just might be another asshole you know and that is ok. That is not really important as much as it is important how I feel about me today. I am feeling good about me most of the time I am feeling good about you. We are where we are. I have been around along time as I said before as fact is it been around how they say too long. I have been around here almost 30 years, as a matter of fact next month I will be celebrating 30 years. (Applause)

One thing about it like not other people in many ways, I came in to Narcotics Anonymous. I came in to Narcotics Anonymous, I did not come by way of China to get to Narcotics Anonymous and I have remained in Narcotics Anonymous. I will say that I have not been to some of those other meetings but my devotion and my work and the things that I do is in Narcotics Anonymous. This is where I work, this is where I do things and this is where I stay. I do not need to go anywhere else, the formula is here. We have the recipe we have the formula, we have the know how and all the representations of how to do it. Why do I need to go somewhere, I do not need to go nowhere. I do not care is we fight and we fuss and we go on that is what we do. We are not well we are still in recovery or in some state of recovery and hope; we remain that way for a lifetime. Thank you. (Applause)

Tape 8

Montgomery History Conference 1991

Speaker: Bo S., Grateful Dave, Grover,

As we notice this afternoon there are a lot of agendas that were brought here by a lot of people. We have a lot of material to cover, but there is a real necessity indicated by some individuals to continue on with some of the violence you saw this afternoon. To some degree we need to find out where we limit that and how much stuff we can cover and how much ability we have to cover some of the topics that many seem so interested in. Our current agenda shows a time slot this morning for book history and NA Way magazine history. Both of those have been done in the past in workshops in the literature movement, and entertaining and informative. What kind of time frame do we need to move around to cover those topics for your interest? What the hell are we going to do in this conference, we talked about is this a working conference?

We are going to write some NA history we are going to collect what we have already done. We have already started some transcribing and we are going to form a committee from the people that are here and we are going to find people that are willing to take part in that committee. What do you want to do? Do we have another bitch session with a lot of MF‑ing and SOB‑ing not real productive, it got to a lot of hard feelings, and a lot of people who have not talked are talking? There is a lot of skepticism about what was said and where it goes from here. We can get stuck in that but I hope we do not. Grover has come up from Alabama and it is something we want. There was a report yesterday on Alabama’s’ history collection and where they are at and what their process has done. He gave me some more information and there was some talk that maybe we need to meld the variety of history collection into one. I mean what do you want to do. We can yell and scream at each other for another day but I do not think that is going to take us anywhere. I tried to say something about that this morning that if we are truly here to collect history and we attempt to enter into the age without more individuals here that have the answers that many are seeking then all we are doing is splashing and making waves creating hurt feelings one more time. Then we are not getting the truth and we are not collecting anything but the venom that is really destroying us. As we came along in this history especially here and in Allentown, I have seen the miracle of individuals coming and not realizing how honest they could be here and that is ok. I have watched them carry that miracle forward over this last year and it has been a real benefit to my recovery to watch that growth. I am tired of all the pain; I am tired of getting shot in the back and all the name throwing, all the misinformation. That was brought up quite a few times this afternoon and if we wandering into the 80’s without more of the individual ( ). Then we are more than likely not going to create not a whole picture and accurate picture and we will not have anything more than some more misinformation because we will not have those individuals to deal with. What do you want to do, do you want to start up the meeting.

My name is Bo and I am an addict, hi Bo. I want to get some kind of progress report of how close we are of having some kind of a basic document for this work. So that various people who have been around and paid a price through their commitment and involvement can review the document so that if they find inaccuracies they can bring it up in a methodical open manner. In addition, that the main document is kept in the hands of the members of the NA Fellowship and it is like a Para‑structural, extra‑structural you know but not a structural function of World Services in other words. Maybe a function of something some of us are calling the NA Society. Just something that we do to clean our own house and wash our own laundry and get the record sort of straight and lay down some kind of track for those to come. In the direction of a document for instance at a history workshop at the east coast or at the Ocean City thing last year, not this year but last. Like Doug’s letter that puts me down you know but I can live with that, but his letter could be like one chapter in that and that can be just like a sample for those that were around you know and what do they have to say about it. Then there are other people who write other things and you could get a central document together that way. Then in time you know just sort of like just have, open get together is like this and let that work eventually lead to something accurate, pretty available, pretty stable and pretty up front. You know I like a fight just as good as anyone else but there has been a lot of people die you know and we can outgrow the barriers that the disease has erected between us.

I was curious Carl and the reason I jumped for the microphone is can we have a progress report. I mean I have been on the edge of this work and I have known about this work but I do not know exactly where this work is at today. Could we get something in the form of a progress report before we start forecasting what are possible, thanks?

Carl: Thanks Bo. One of the things that are behind us obviously is to continue ( ). Last year we received letters from ( ) Alabama, maybe Grover will come up and cover that. What we have sitting back there in the archives room right now is probably outside of the additional list that ( ) provided us with and that is in collection of what is available. It is the Ivy land work in 83 had been pulled, gone, and disappeared for a long time. About three months ago I received a copy and ( ) was surprised to find it existed. It covers in 83 a subcommittee that was begun to collect state histories. There are about 14 states in that 83 history. Obviously, the 83 does not cover today. So this weekend and in our effort for this we received input from London from Johnny and Dudley on London’s history and Australian history. ( ). I just went through Grover’s file and I think Chattanooga, a Chattanooga history and continuing to look for those pieces that have already been done. A lot of our experiences have been difficulty‑requesting things from files. (Person did not have the mic and was unable to hear the message clearly, believe it was Carl)

I am Grateful Dave and I am an addict, hi Dave. Yeah we have been trying to put together this history for a long time. I remember Grover and I in 1988 got the convention committee for the volunteer region to agree Neal Maxey and a couple other people to agree to allow us to put on a history workshop and when we got there, the plug was pulled on us. Billy whose home group is hosting this put his name on the line for about thirteen thousand dollars here. People that we know you know sponsees of people that we know have been running around telling that the thing had been cancelled. That is right, that is right that is exactly what happened. You know there are a lot of people that have put their heart and soul into getting even this far with it. If we want to talk about what we need to do is you know to me it is like a lot of the stuff, all this pain and all this stuff is just shit you know. Yeah and it was important to every individual. Every individual felt their pain and it was important to them but in terms of what we need to do and where we need to go from here today the only purpose for shit is fertilizer. That is the only thing that you can make out of it so I was hoping that we could all take our shits here and get it on tape. See because if it is not on tapes, see we got tapes, tapes, archives, and paper but without a computer scanner and document reader to organize this stuff, we need a document reader. We need people like Fawn that can type a hundred words a minute to get and to enter the stuff into computers. We need Rachel back there transcribing the tapes that is what we need. We need to start working and start writing you know. If we are going to move on from here and start tomorrow by compiling hard copy that can be, hard copy and soft copy in terms of discs that can be taken and given to people all over the country for nothing. I mean we can set the entire written history of Narcotics Anonymous and this spoken history of Narcotics Anonymous in a 60 disc set and make it available for anyone. But it is going to take work. It is not going to take wishing, talking, and la‑d‑da‑di‑da‑ing. We are all, you know we have all had problems; I have had problems with the service structure. There seems to be a universal agreement here today that you know if you do not like what they are doing remove them. Who is going to remove them? We are going to remove them. Where do we go from here? Do we go to hell in that hand basket, in that withering you know unspiritual thing we call World Service today or do we create some viable alternatives and work along a parallel track and maybe some of the good stuff that was then can be brought in with some of the new experimental stuff. You know at some point down the road we come together with that. You know I spent a lot of years running up and down the road in California talking to people and over here and over there and I just wanted to you know. I have stayed away from this microphone all weekend long you know because I do not have any creditability because I am the one that is out to destroy Narcotics Anonymous. Every one of you that has a t‑shirt of NA or a piece of jewelry with NA on it or every convention that has made twenty‑six thousand dollars. Nobody sued them for trademark and copyright infringements and the profiteering and shit has to stop, but they will sue somebody for carrying the message. Everything that we are doing in Narcotics Anonymous today in my opinion is upside down from what Jimmy Kinnon founded this fellowship to be. I have listened to tapes from all of the people from Frank from all the way up in Northern California and down and Jimmy you know. We have to look to something. Jimmy was the glue that held this fellowship together. None of the people that are into this thing that we have been talking about today dared to walk up to the man who wiped their nose and wipe their ass and tell him this vile shit to his face. So we are right we have got things to do, but see that is reality.

I did some fucked up things in recovery to man. I did not know that the book was going to be right, wrong or indifferent but it was better than being paralyzed. That paralyzing fear, that helpless, hopeless what am I going to do and who is going to do it. Are you going to do it, are you going to do it? I finally said I know how to wake them up, I know how to do it and all I have to do is find the personal gumption and the commitment to do something. I have a tenth step and so I have been spending my life going up in front of microphones like this and not only breaking new ground in my personal recovery but admitting I am wrong in a lot of cases. I have been wrong, I do not do everything right but I do something. If we are to sit in the chairs like bumps on a log and wish and hope and dream that, somebody else is going to come up with some magic formula to do it for us it is never going to happen. It is through our inability to accept personal responsibility we were creating our own problems. We are the architects of our own adversity. We argue for our limitations and they will be ours forever. There is no limitation to the Steps and Traditions and the spirit that Narcotics Anonymous was founded in. We can do better; you know we can do better. Of course, I do not have any creditability you know because I am out to destroy Narcotics Anonymous.

I tell you what, Jimmy and Betty and Douglas and Fawn and other people are not the only people who have been shot at and had death threats in this Fellowship. That is ugly and I have had those things happen to me too for trying to carry the message. You can complain about the way I did it, but none of you did it. None of you got off your duffs and did anything. So I mean gee I am sorry that I did not do it just perfectly but I was seeking help for years trying to get people to help. Lets do this lets talk about this, lets unify and lets ask these serious tough questions. The service structure works great if you want to have a dance at the National Guard Armory. Nobody is going to, but God forbid that you ask for an outside audit. Oh well you are causing disunity and you know and nobody wants to deal with reality that is a fact of our disease. Euphoria clean like is the same type of euphoria we sought out there using man and it is just as dangerous in here as it was out there. Oh, everything is fine, everything is ok. When you hear that shit people saying my life is great in meetings, I guarantee you that in three months they ain’t going to be there, everything is fine. It is not fine; we have a disease that is out to kill us. It is out to deny our us our history. It is out to deny us our dignity personally and in groups. If we are going to do something each and every person in this room must do physically do something. Whether it be give money so that we can hire a transcriber, give money to this committee so that Billy does not loose his house because he is sued because of shit that our World Service. I mean to me World Service has become irrelevant. The only thing left today is that World Service can tell us that will touch our gut is the international issues.

We have to take this international thing and we have to spread this message internationally. If we would just give them the literature and allow them to do their own service in their own way in their own country there would be no international issue fellows. Here you take the literature and come back when you translate it. We will check out and work out the little bugs and that is it that is it, no international issue. It is a sham it is a bright shiny thing that they use to keep you on a string. We have got to go somewhere from here because just like it says in the second tradition the self seeking soon find they are on the outside causing dissention and eventually disaster for them selves. Some will change and become role models for others to follow. We need to change. There are people in this room tonight that need to change, me included. Our attitudes about others you know the petulant childlike things that we hang on to.

You know we need to do some thing with it, maybe work the steps you know. People with all this time holding on to all this shit it is to me , you know I don’t have no time and some people say I have no recovery but it is not a good example. You know I am supposed to follow this. I am supposed to accept that with 15, 20, and 30 fucking years that this is what I am going to be like, that is frightening. Therefore, you know the truth is very uncomfortable a lot of times you know. I stood up here, everybody was screaming and yelling, you know, I turn around, and I want to scream and yell a little bit too. You know I got aids and I wanted to fucking wire myself up with dynamite, walk up that World Service Office, and pull the cord man. I had that worked out in my head in a number of ways and I was so close to doing it, but I had to look at my own personal spiritual growth and see what I could live with. It does not do me any good to sidle up to you and say, “Well you know back in 32? I was wrong.” because it does not do any good for anybody else. It makes me feel better you know that I worked half a program, but I do not get out in public and tell people where my shortcomings are. “Hey, you! Here is my shortcomings and I was wrong back in 32 and I owe the fellowship an amends.” So if what I have done in like the Baby Blue thing, if I have hurt anybody, then I owe you an amends. I am trying to stand up here tonight and show you what it is like to work the steps. So when you get up to the microphone you can say hey you know back in 32 this is what I did and how I did it, see and this was what was wrong and I apologize and my behavior in the future will reflect that. So far today I have not heard that being done and what I was trying to say when I stood up here and hollered fuck you was that none of us have including myself have not done something that was not totally horrendous in service in Narcotics Anonymous. I heard people walk up to it, we had it right here. Yes, there was a conspiracy, yes there was. The reason that nobody wants to admit that there was is because everybody was duped and nobody likes to sit here and stand up here at the microphone and say, “ I was duped.” You know, “I was manipulated and was not astute enough to know it.” So I mean, you know, my life depends on being able to get up here at any time in front of thousands of people at any time and work these principles in all my affairs, in all my affairs for you. That is called carrying the message. I can stand up here and tell you I was wrong and you can know that it is ok to be wrong. That it is all right, nobody wants to throw you away, nobody wants to run anyone out of here. But we do need to be honest and to heal. I do not want to have any more death threats.

You know in terms of strictly academic stuff it is going to take working your fingers to the bone. We have all the information, we have all the insinuations we have everything that we need. Betty has all kind of stuff and if she can at some point find it in her heart to trust God and allow us to have copies of these things. Then we can finally put all that academic stuff together. You know we have got it, we have everything we need in Narcotics Anonymous everything, the steps the traditions and each other. My life is here because of you, thank you Alma and I want to thank you people that did the things that you did you know. I have had a few people thank me for opening some eyes, getting people to look at things. A lot of people do not agree and that is ok.

I just want to share one little thing about personal recovery, my personal recovery. I was a chump for everyone. I was like a jailhouse punk with my ass up in the air, everybody fucked me, and that is what my life was. I thought if you would allow me to sit in a room and shoot dope with you, you could pat me on the back for thirty seconds and rip me off for the next thirty years. I was so desperate to be loved, that is I have learned in personal recovery that anybody who manipulates me into doing anything has no respect for me so I am going to loose whatever I was after to begin with. If I am seeking your approval and I need your love to validate my existence then I am doing the same shit I was doing out there on the street. So those are the things in recovery that I am not proud of. Am I proud of putting together the information in the Fourth Edition? Yes. Am I proud of working for the disapproval of It Works How and Why? Yes I am proud of that. Am I proud that my home group had enough gumption to print a book to give to addicts? Yes, I am proud of that. Those are the things that I am proud of that today. The freedom that the Steps and the Traditions have given me, because the closer I get to God the less important the mass is because they ain’t going there. The mass is not going, it is like lets talk about God and we all go to sleep you know. I am tired; I mean soul sick tired I have had a formal service position since I was three days clean. You know what there is no service structure because there is no group conscience. It is an empty shell and you can doubt that but that is what has brought us to this point. That is what has brought us here tonight, is that emptiness. The death of a dream somebody said. We all got to take a look at ourselves. My archives are being donated to this group that puts this on, everything. I got shit six file cabinets full of stuff. I am doing what I can; I have been working on this for years. (Applause)

I apologize for not being here yesterday I did not think I was going to be able to be here at all. It is a truly a grace of spirit that got me here today. I am Grover and I am an addict. Hey Grover. Hey family! I am real grateful to be here today. Since I missed yesterday what I want to do is try to do is give you a little quick as possible summation of what is happening in Alabama. This thing started almost three years ago that Dave was talking about. A few addicts in Smyrna Georgia in a spare bedroom talking about those who worked on the history of the Basic Text. Bo was having a really hard time getting people to help him to write and get together the main energy in spiritual views that it took to get the Basic Text written. Trying to get them together to write something so that addicts out here could know their legacy because it was not being done through our present service structure. Due to the frustration of trying to get it done through that and the previous works went about trying to do this on his own and I will say with no improper intention because I know Bo. So you can have it out of love and service. Some of us got together and talked about well you know Memphis is coming up. The Tennessee State Convention and Memphis was a center of help for a lot of work, spirit, and love that went into the Basic Text. Why don’t we try to do something around here? It kind of grew into more than just a book and it kind of grew way past that. You know it kind of got to, we got to talking about a meeting is no different, a group or area or region or a fellowship is no different that an individual. Groups have personalities, regions have personalities and we all have to grow. We all go through change, we all have personalities, and we all need to work the Steps and Traditions or we die. When we have to see the importance well most of us were involved in some active service and feeling like this is a bunch of shit, we keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results and it is not happening. So out of the frustration we said, well can we write a text and I brought the original minutes.

We started as an ADHOC Committee of the Alabama, Northwest Florida Regional Lit. Committee. Our proposal was to find out if there was enough support in this fellowship to work on a history project. After numerous phone bills and a lot of driving and talking, we found out that maybe the time was right. Maybe it is time that we took in ( ) of the fellowship and quit repeating the same insane behavior of the past.

Therefore, we made this proposal to our region and we became an ADHOC Committee of our region. That is reflected in our minutes of 88 and was approved unanimously and I think before the year was out or as the year turned, we were a standing regional committee. We started working toward putting on this celebration. Our intentions were to bring our archives and fellowship together to try to get facts based on physical evidence because we believe that is what our history is. It is not just hear say or word of mouth it is what can we substantiate with written papers. We thought the best way to do that was to celebrate our history on what we found to be Narcotics Anonymous as we saw it which is August 17 as reflected in the minutes from the first meeting where they said this is Narcotics Anonymous and this is how we are going to operate. So we said this is the day we are going to hold this celebration until we get this deal done.

We immediately started catching flack because some of us that have been out in this committee believe in service and ( ) and those that were willing to go through the flack seem fit to do what we do. We kind of tear each other apart and there has been a lot of misinformation and trying to do something productive in this fellowship you know that the disease does not want you to do anything. You know it finds the ways and means to try to stop you and have to have the energy and perseverance to see it through or else give up. We had our celebration and as you know, the Baby Blue was a hot topic. We tried to focus the energy on the literature years. You know we felt like when this fellowship started growing ( ) the Basic Text workshops started happening around the country. There was a lot of love and selfless service that went into that you know with no thought of a profit or gain by a few individuals. It was done for the good of the addict that was still suffering to keep them from dieing, to put a book in their hands. We really felt like this would be a good place to start and use it as a barometer for the fellowship, to see if the fellowship was willing to support a work. We knew that it was not going to be a one or two year deal that this was going to be a long‑term commitment. However, I am not going to say all of it but a good portion of the time that was taken out of it was the needed discussion of the Baby Blue Text. We did get a lot of good arguments; I think I have three portable file folders and one cardboard box full of archives. We now have all of that sorted, collated labeled. We do not have the internet and database. I think we have one hundred eleven entries into the d‑base. We have the starting of a handbook. What we have come up with over that weekend, I think our weekend was 99% successful. I only talked to three people that felt like they had been hurt or injured. Through that ( ) and two of those were not even there. However, some real neat things happened you know we saw some people that had not talked in years sit down and talk. We felt like a healing had started taking place. We started working on the handbook. I believe that in the Basic Text it talks about if the committee does not have some sort of ( ). So I feel like the first thing is planning to work and working to plan and kind of answer part of those questions. What I feel like we need to do personally is we need to plan the work and I think finishing the handbook is the place to start. We sent a revision ( ) as I understood from Scotty Allen out there because they took the handbook and in the process of forming a committee. Scotty ( ) a large package and they have lots of stuff, lots of really good stuff and I think that is a real good place to start.

The Handbook so far has the literature prayer on the first page and we start out with the lack of history is the way the disease ( ). The purpose of this is ( ). I hope that in this weekend that we could set aside some time, come together, and review this. The people in Alabama who have really put their hearts into this came up with the money to send us up here and it was a pretty good bit of money to try to lend a hand to this fellowship and say to these people we want to work with you. You know lets come together and do what we can do to get this deal done. Lets not ( ) lets not spin our wheels, let go forward. That is where we are at.

The things that happened after last years conference is misinformation, the lies. I call them lies because I ( ) the facts on paper. (Flip tape)

I do not have to fight, some of us that were to stubborn to say fuck it have persisted, and we mustarded through until region before last. We went through another vote and were voted in I mean but they tried to shut the committee down a few people and the region voted to support the committee you know to continue to support the committee. It still did not rest, I think somebody was talking about ( ) surrender to group conscience. Well the surrender did not take place and still has not taken place. The region before last I went in as a chair and usually at ( ) region we will sit there for two hours and take the shit and try to present the facts in a spiritual manner and present all the paperwork so that everybody can see what is happening and it usually takes care of itself. Well I personally am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I mean stop paying to feel bad four or five years ago. I do not feel like I have to pay to feel bad any more. I take money from my family to drive to an RSC to feel bad and there is no since in that. I called the ASR’s and the supporters who is together outside during the break and I ask them I said look I am tired and I have surrendered what do you all want to do. In addition, we voted which most of the ASR’s are members of the committee and had worked real hard ( ) and get this thing done said well we will just be a multi‑area committee. Well I went back in and asked for the floor and we had a substantial amount of money in the account and said you have our money, we wish you good luck, adios and turned around and walked out. That is where it is at. We are supported by three areas; our region is probably in the midst of splitting. One of the areas walked in at the last RSA and said we invite all other areas that believe in service to join us we are leaving, and they left. Some other areas right now are in the process of going back and trying to get a conscience on forming a new region. That is kind of bringing you up to date on what is happening in Alabama, it ain’t been no fun and it ain’t been no picnic and it has been ( ) but we have all stuck together and we have a all grown a lot a whole lot.

I made a few little notes while we were talking. I think what we have to do is one is to get the handbook, we need a handbook. We need some way to plan the work. You know we can talk about it all we want to but until we get it on paper, we have got no plan, so let us plan the work. After we get the work plan and start working and start doing the work. Let us go down a,b,c,d, and get it done. Second thing I think we need to do under that plan is to establish a database. I have one set up on my computer and if I had had more time, I would have brought it up here. There are a data base files and tapes to the archives that we house. Somehow over the next months to go through and delegate some of these responsibilities to people to sort these files out and get people to go through and label all of these files that we have and hopefully lets all come together in August in Montgomery and lets get together on the computers. If you got a computer bring it and we will transfer the d‑base to your computer, get a couple people working on it, and then merge it together into one file. Let’s find out what all we do have as far as archives go. Then lets be able to spread that out to everybody that is working on this ( ) and say this is what we got so far. Let us get all the pertinent material that we need ok. Let us have the facts based on physical evidence. Then we need an outline for the text. That was discussed the last working weekend we had in Montgomery. It was talked about down there and I hope we will enter into some discussion before this weekend is out. Maybe about the preface dealing with things prior to Addicts Anonymous, Synanon and NA of New York that was not part of the Traditions. I think Danny Carlson founded that ( ). A lot of other organizations that popped up and tried to help addicts died out due to no Traditions and baselines, a singular personality you know. I think that as you look through the records you will find that is what happened, a dominant personality and finally folding so there is nothing substantial there. I think that that will show us that our Traditions are vitally important to our well‑being. If we are going to live and live free, we are going to have to follow our Traditions. Therefore, I think maybe if we can consider that as a preface. Then we are getting in the first half of the book as some light easy reading. Something that is light, something that catches your eye, something that keeps your attention that is not ( ) but tells a story and to go through that part from what we agreed to do is from the formation in ‘53 was up to 1989 ( ) and lets cut it off. Let us work on that and get that done.

Then the last half of the book, lets take all these records that we got and lets go through the chronology of areas and regions and lets start at A and go to Z from areas and regions both nationally and internationally and put down the mundane material and the statistics. This is when we started, this was the first meeting. I mean make it enjoyable to read but get the statistics down and keep it short so we don’t have a book as long as this table you know. We can get this information in there and people will see how that transpired. The pains we are not have the book with out the pain this stuff is going to have to be talked about. I do not give a fuck how many people saw it, everybody saw it different. You know it is going to have to be got out and it is going to have to get out on the table. If we are going to do history, we are going to have to do it justice and we are going to have to become impartial. We are going to have to check our personalities at the door you know. This serviceites, and Jimmyites and World Serviceites and I am not saying this in disrespect but we have camps that we follow and if we are going to right a history book we are going to have be partial and be fair to all sides. This fellowship is split and I truly believe if we don’t do some healing in the next ten years then we may see some ( ) in the fellowship because we just can’t do it. I truly believe that if we can gather the faith and tenacity as a fellowship, look inside ourselves, and do an inventory then we can produce the fifth step and see our character defects and our shortcomings. I hope that then we can make the changes.

I really do not believe we are ever going to do a history if we focus off writing the history. If we focus on changing World Service right now today then that is what we need to go do. If that is where your heart is at and that is what you need to do then that is where you need to go. If you want to change your area or region, you need to go do that. If you want to work on history then lets work on history. We helped our committee in Alabama and took a position on the Blue Book that was an outside issue. It did not follow in the scope of what we were trying to do and we will get to it in that part of our history when we get to it. Now of course we are gathering the paperwork. All the paperwork we can gather we can stick back in boxes and when we get to that year and we will process that information, but you know, that is not where we are at. You know if we loose our focus then we are going to get lost in our dust. So let us maintain our focus and write our history. I think these things are going to have to be got out. The pain is going to have to come out. I heard a lot of people angry today and I heard a lot of shit and again I think I saw the ( ) being broke and some of the puss coming out and maybe we can get down to the real sore you know. Maybe we can get down to some healing between the individuals and I think that is important too. I think even if we never got a history book wrote if some peoples lives get mended through the process then it has all been worthwhile. What is our focus here anyway, to carry the message to the addict that still suffers and we got a lot of suffering addicts here in this room. There is a whole lot of suffering addicts that are out there that refuse to go to these rooms and I think they are waiting for the NA Fellowship to be extended back out there. There is a lot of misinformation still going on where Dave shared that this thing was said that this thing cancelled ( ) I got a real disturbing call a few weeks ago from the admissions and service office about our history thing. I do not think our disease wants us to get this thing done.

I know there has been a lot of misinformation spread and the only way I know how to combat this information is with factual information. Show up at your meetings and if you have a committee get the minutes out and ( ) as many people as possible and make the records open, be friendly. We can take a ball bat and beat people over the heads and all we are going to do is make worse enemies of them but if we keep quit pushing against them they are going to fall flat on their ass( ) if you have to. I can say that but I cannot practice it all the time. I am trying to, to get a little better at the surrender. I do not believe we have to fight today for anything I really do not. I believe if we surrender and it is the spirits will then it will get done ( ). Getting the articles out writing articles to local newsletters or writing articles to wherever you want to write articles to about what is really going on with history and your participation and whether you are for it or against it. Getting your minutes out and getting the meeting information out, when you are having your meeting. I think one thing we need to identify is all the history committees that are going on and someway get ourselves together. You know we have this one in Pennsylvania, I know there is one in Alabama, and I heard there is one I was not able to be a part of in Ohio. I do not know if it is a standing committee or not if it is, we need to be in touch. The one that is starting in California and Scott will be in touch and he can send us a tape from the workshop. Let us share tapes from our workshops. Hopefully before this weekend is done. We have a program set and that is plan to be there in August and Bill ( ) plans on being there and Father Dan Eagan who is going to share some on pre NA History. I hope you are able to welcome Nanda today and our program chair is going to give us some pre NA History and then Father Eagan is going to give us some on New York NA. We thought that was important because it was called NA in public but yet it was never part of this fellowship and we thought it was ( ) so he is going to come share some of that. We are going to try and cover the early years from the 50’s on. I hope maybe we can get Bob there and I hope all of y’all will take a flyer and fill out a registration. It is ten bucks and calls, make motel rooms, and come down there. Let us set this up. If we are going to work on the handbook there is nothing to say we cannot loose a few hours sleep and sit up and start working on the handbook. That is what we did down there in Alabama you know sat up most of the night until about 4 o’clock. We can go over the handbook and work on it or if files need to be collated you know lets collate some files, label some files. It is mundane work it is boring, as hell but it needs to be done. We need to go through and check all the records and make sure they are in the right files. You know tat is something that is going to have to be done. We got enough people that we can break of into five or six working groups. A couple people could work on the handbook and a couple people could work on files, a few people could work on the outline. You know then tomorrow night we could swap up and another group take the outline that had the files and try to get some kind of eclectic conscience. On Sunday morning or Sunday afternoon on what we got where we are going I can carry that back to Alabama and we can set our agenda to meet our needs down there and let’s get together and work on it. I think what we need to do from there is start planning working weekends, and not put our expectations to high. We are not going to be able to do it every three months or every four months but let’s try to set some reasonable time frame that we can financially afford to get together and get together and move it around and go in different states where it will be accessible to all.

The other thing I think that is real important is funding. I know that we are not into profiteering but the reality is we have to have money to make this thing go. I do not think we have to have a million dollars or eight‑hundred something thousand that has been spent on “It Work, How and Why” today. I do not think it will take near that much to get this done. I think a lot of us that have computers and are willing to make those available to this fellowship. I have a copy machine in my living room and as long as we supply the toner and paper then we can get this shit done. You know we can make personal sacrifices that people made during the Basic Text and we can get it done. I think that once discussion about forming and overall committee you know to organize it. If nothing else to organize our efforts and to have some sort of outreach to other committees and other countries that have, you know that are just starting their history. Some that are not very old and can tap into their history while it is fresh and into their archives. Some sort of central ( ) system. I really do not believe that all the files need to be in one place at any one time because I thought some of the anger that was going on in Alabama that people would show up at my house and try to take our archives. I kind of thought that but they never did yet. That was one of the fears of the committee. They tried to take our archives verbally, it was defeated on the floor, and the archives are in our possession and those areas that supported it. That is who you people have brought your archives to Alabama and shared them with us donated them to that committee and that committee is functioning. T‑shirt and coffee mug sales you know if some of y’all feel like it you could take some back to your area a few of them and want to help funding then we can set up some kind of fund club system. Maybe with what we generate if we can pull this out this one here so that it is money making proposing hopefully we can at least break even. Maybe some of those funds can go into help other areas, groups or regions to have host a history celebration or to set up a working weekend to get the copiers, to secure the location get the pencils, paper to get it done. I know our committee is willing to do that we are not having to mess with all the bullshit anymore. We are not having to fight. Well I am sure that if we can come up with some kind of agreement here tonight or this weekend that we will carry that back and try to set up some kind of a fund club that will work for everybody. Because I believe that ( ) supportive of its members. I do not believe that we need, I do not believe that our pyramids can hurt, we ( ) working for World services. I think we are working for the members you know that is where I ( ). Our committees feel the same way. You know we are going to take care of what we need to take care of regardless. I think there is a way we can work together, get some funds together, and get you going and us members of our committee and theirs to communicate with each other. Funding is a definite issue that has to be addressed and we need some kind of proposal ( ). That is kind of I know it took a while but I appreciate your ( ) well that is kind of where we are at, well that is exactly where we are at. It is important and we are either willing to write the history or we are not. So hope we can work something out this weekend and that you all will come to Alabama. There are plenty of pre‑registrations forms. I think it is ten bucks and fifteen for the banquet and I hope you will come to Montgomery. I hope we can set up some sort of additional agenda to actually start doing more work. I hope we are going to do some work here tonight which I think that is what we are doing or fixing to do and carry that on through the weekend and carry that off to Montgomery. Thank you. (Applause)

Tape 8‑b

Montgomery History Conference 1991

Speaker: Bo S., Grateful Dave, Grover,

Some of the things that we have done in the past is especially in the last few months with other issues is to look at what happens when we come with so many different agendas to accomplish a task. We saw a variety of those agendas. One of the things that in these movements that have never been successful throughout history is to have a ( ) and to have a (( )). That point of having the book to start with for our compilation very important. We have something and we have something to rely on. I hope that do not have to go too far away from the agenda that we are trying to talk about. I hope that we are looking for progress and I hope that when we get to the microphone that is what we are talking about. Your enthusiasm, your hopes, your dreams of the change. It is time to stop shooting and time to patch those holes. It is time to learn from our experiences.

I am Lawrence and I am an addict. Hi, Lawrence. I have some questions and I have some comments. First of all my first question is to somebody who is experienced in committee style of you know writing a book. That is probably a lot of people here that are familiar with that kind of style. My question is to Bo having as to you know having gotten some information you asked for. I have a two‑part question. My first part of the question is, in your experience how long do you think that this will take to happen to bring it to a reality. The second part was, what was the second part, the second part was what length would the book be? Will it necessitate more than one book, the size of the book?

My name is Bo and I am an addict. Hi, Bo. I think probably something in the area of 280 to 320 pages would be enough with appendixes because you do not want to blow every body minds and put them to sleep and beat the hell out of them head wise. In the process of doing this work, you are going to be collecting material and that material which is the evidence. The back‑up material for the book is called the basis and the basis may be yea long regardless of what your final book length is. I think Tom may have some ideas of some of the writing realities that are out there. I have been in the back trying to think of what useful suggestion because I am not really too Pollyanna I mean I do wear a lot of suits in service but you know I am really pretty brass tacks. I think it is if we could adapt to general policy that when it comes to problem areas we have a general tendency to say yeah blah blah happened, here is how we survived it clean, and this is what happened, this is how we survived it. How about those many many areas where nothing bad happened you know everything went off great and miracles took place. I remember the first East Coast Convention. They set up for a hundred‑twenty‑five people and one hundred‑ninety people showed up.

How about that thing out west where that guy got to be treasurer with region and literally lifted a two thousand dollar donation from somebody’s estate that had died not knowing that our Traditions do not allow us to accept donations like that. Therefore, this character gets in the middle this little dope addict right, swipes the two grand and spends it. Finally the estate contacts the region and says, well not to be pushy or anything but our donation of two thousand dollars was never acknowledged and we want to be certain you received it. Well the region had never received it but based on that they did the homework and found the guy that had stole it. He naturally had wasted it right and the region itself had paid it back to keep our honor actually. I think that is powerful, there are a lot of stories, I was listening to a couple of members share earlier, and without having a particular opinion on it yeah some people steal money from NA. Which if we are around and enjoying the common welfare that we are enjoying we must have more givers than we have takers. I do not think it is fair for all the takers to get all of the press. I think there are a lot of givers and that should be in there.

Some of our miracles and how we have survived our problems and what can we pass on to others to make their way easier. In addition, to share out some of our successes too because we have obviously had a lot of successes in the last 10 or 15 years to keep growing. I mean I am convinced that there is a section of the fellowship living the clean life tonight they are not to sure about California and this conference. They are probably to bust twelve stepping some son of a bitch you know who is probably just trying to stay clean on a daily basis. I am glad we are here but you know I am glad I know they are there too, because they are our real force. We are just praying to be instrumental in dealing with something and it would have been nice if it could have been dealt with a while ago but I will just be glad if we get to deal with it anytime including today. He says how long would it take. I do not think you want to; it is as if how long will it take you to build a house. I mean you could take centuries I understand that in Europe some of the cathedrals were built literally over one hundred year periods and greater. I think if we can get this game plan this kind of handbook kind of ironed out then we can collect basic information from say at least an invitation to each and every region. How many regions are there out there today fifty or sixty what is it seventy something. Well if we got three pages of each of the seventy regions what is your book length. Maybe it would have to be separated. Maybe it would have to be a general history and then another per region type history. See never loose that basis and when we were working on the Basic Text I know that by our open ( ) policy which I embrace in this literature work in as much as this is literature I am all for an open ( ) policy. Meaning I fully expect people to participate in this work with one day clean, with a week clean with a year, ten years and more clean. I know that we preserve the basis behind the Basic Text with the idea that later it could be gone through. Well that time has never yet come, but you are collecting your basis for this book in the room across the way there. That will always be a useful resource if you keep the files open, if you do not let someone at a future date lock them up and take them away from you. I would say no more than a year and a half or two years because what you have to do is go for the moment before the politicians show up. Right now, the stage is a little bit clear; because those people are really good at what they do they really work hard at it. Thanks

Lawrence: One last question. I would like to volunteer my computer and my other question was what kind of a there has to be more than a trivial mention. There has to be sort of a dedicated devotion to Jimmy Kinnon, you know. I do not know if that has to be a separate book in itself I am not trying to open up any cans here I am just think we need to look at things realistically. Is the committee of 16 or of 6 how are we going to include all of that. I think Jimmy Kinnon should get his due one way or another. I am done

I am Grover and still an addict. I really feel one of the ways that can be addressed is through the outline. We set the outline of how we are going to do that and what is going to be in the preface and where we are going to start. One of these mental plaques I have in my head is Jimmy sitting in a meeting and seeing how he considered it and turned away in disgust. What I really feel like is what our committee wants to do is we want to interview Betty one on one. We want to sit down with her and talk about those early years that we shared with her and her perspective first hand and we want to get those ( ). You know if you are willing to sit down in the future ( ). That would be totally up to you. We want all the facts and part of our history will be Jimmy the single guiding force at first, but if there were two or three then those two or three that got together then it needs to be factual. Now let us interview those people and that is it. I think that can be best done one on one in an interview than it can in front of a mic because we loose the personal touch in front of the mic in front of everybody. If you are at home burning a candle you know close you can sit there, tell, and share what happened. I know I can share better with my sponsor that way than I do trying to share with a number of people. So if we can share as individuals maybe we can do some of this stuff one on one and before anything gets printed that deals with any individuals I think that those individuals need to be able to read that and say what is true. I really feel like if we are going to write about Jimmy and Betty is his wife and needs to have an input about into what is written to make sure that it is not bias or one sided. I think that she better than anybody can give that because she was the one closest to him. That is just me talking and I think through our committee that is one of the things Bill Brooks the way we remember him talked about trying to get money together to fly out to California to sit down ( )... Maybe we can do that in Montgomery, sit down one on one and talk about it. That is what I want to do. I work construction and go to different states and different towns and I carry my pen and pencil with me and try to find people that were there in the beginning of their area and try to sit down and interview those people. I try to write that stuff down and that is something you can all do to when you are in your area. I do not that is a question that we can definitively answer right now at this time I think that has to be part of the plan.

Speaker Unknown: A book about Jimmy and then there is probably that clear definition that there is probably a need for both. Our learning experiences that addicts can write once again after being told for so long that they could not will give us the skills and the talents to do justice to both projects. Probably a separation is necessary.

I am an addict named Lou, Hi Lou. I had a couple of questions or thought. Yeah what I said is I do not think we need to go out of our way in any form of looking in the outline. History is history, Jimmy Kinnon played a large part in the history, that is there, and history will fulfill itself and take up a large part of the work.

A lot of the concerns that came in my head as you were giving your report Grover and that I heard Bo speak on when he was up here were that the politicians do move in you know. It comes quick and it comes as in anywhere else in service in this Fellowship that I have ever seen you know with a lot of pride, image and ego. When you get into that power, property and prestige such as that, I think as you talked about it has happened in the NW Florida‑Alabama region or Alabama‑NW Florida I do not want to put Florida out front (laughter). It is something that I have had a little bit of experience with in Florida and south Florida becoming a region. Efforts that are being done in service there such as our Spring Break Convenference where the powers that be in the Florida Region, which was where it started you, know were not too pleased with the idea of open forums and all sides being presented. They went out of there way trying to kill the Convenference but when it went off and was a success were very glad to take that check and deposit it in the bank and try to kill us again the second year. You know I have not figured that one out. I think as you see you are already sinking down from a regional ADHOC into a multi‑ area thing. It is more than Alabama –Northwest Florida obviously.

We have this going on here and we have the history to some extent in Florida at Spring Breaks, in Ohio. We need to set up some sort of committee or conference to deal with this. I would really hate to see this be, because I know this is going to come, rallied against by the politicians and all those that hate to see all sides presented. Anything you know besides theirs is heiracy and then snaps back for the coughers. Because when you do deal, with them, you do start dealing with closing down of committees, you do deal with closing down of information, and it is once again taking away from the fellowship, which is where it started and whose history it is. I think we need to know who is doing it. You know you are talking bout setting up fund flows and they are dearly needed to complete a project like this. I think what you are talking about setting up the guidebook for this we also need to set up , God I almost hate to say it, “Fellowship Literature Committee” but so be it. You know in some form the FLC should come about and do this in a structured manner so Alabama‑Northwest Florida does not snap it back, so a multi area thing does not snap it back. So that you are not at the whims of whomever who ever can jump up and down the loudest at a few area services where it stays open to the fellowship the way we know literature can be written and has proven to be before. I think these things need to be definitely and delineated. That you speak to your ideas as to how that will happen.

Well I am Grover and still an addict and I feel like with working on the handbook and the discussion here earlier about forming a committee. I think those things can be and would be discussed and worked out. You know I think that is what we are doing. I do not think we have shrunk as a committee. I think if anything if walking out of the RSC has enlarged the committee. At out last meeting we had grown substantially basically because of people that had been involved before that quit coming were tired of the fighting and bickering. When we surrendered the committee grew you know and those areas that are supporting the committee are the areas that have supported the committee from the beginning. I believe as long as we stay in the framework of the Traditions then the rest will take care of itself. Some politicians and hecklers may come for awhile but if we stay focused and we have a plan and stay on track then it is not going to be any different than what the people went through writing the Basic Text, “you can’t fucking write, you will use, you know”. “You can’t do that you are going to die”, you know I do not know how many times those people heard that, addicts cannot write, especially southern addicts you know. (Laughter) Addicts have tenacity about them that we are not going to let go. I do not know about this literature process you know I really do not. I have a lot of mixed feelings. I feel like we need to remain within the service structure but yet I do not want to be apart of. I do not believe that World Services dictates to me what to write and when to write it. I am not working for World Services. I believe the way I understood our literature process is that it came from groups, areas, and members and regions and then it went out, you know after we had some sort of manuscript then we moved it on. I do not see why they are even, for me it is an outside issue. You know because this is some thing our areas are doing and if it is some thing that we do collectively as committees and we form a committee to oversee this then it is some thing we are doing as a multi‑group, area regional whatever you want to call it.

We are doing it as members of Narcotics Anonymous and we have no opinion on what they say or do. I am not working for them and I do not think you all are working for them. Maybe by the time this thing is published we will have a new literature process and you know in operation, and maybe we will not. I am not going to expound on where it might go because just as soon as I do they will take that for fact and run with it. You know “well he said this and this is what they are going to do”. Well fuck I do not know what we are going to do you know. We are going to live just for today that is what we are going to do. We are going to write and we are going to try not to keep all our files in one location. We are going to have some sort of means set up so that if some thing folds somewhere it is going to go to the remaining committee. I believe that Larry has told me in the past that there was work that was done and the committees folded up. I believe last year when we talked on the phone that there were some and they do not know where the records went. What I see here and what I have seen in Alabama you know this is Pennsylvania second and this will be our second and Ohio’s first and California out there where Scott and them are getting fired up. You know we are growing. This started three years ago in a back room, it has already grown into two years of active committees putting on celebrations or trying to do something positive towards history, and we are growing. Therefore, I think a lot of the frustrated people are going to come forward and addicts are willing and able to write. I do not believe my literature has to be written by a professional that is going to tell me what addiction is about. Our book touches us because addicts wrote it. That is why each one of us can pick it up and feel some thing when we read it. Therefore, I do not know where we are going to go and I am not going to worry about it what the process is and where we are going to go with it

Chapter Nine