1. Cristmas Presents

It is three days before Christmas. Sally, a nice young girl of twenty-one, enters the big store. She wants to buy some presents for her friend Bill. What can she buy? The big store provides everything from a haircut to a honey-moon, if people have the money. But Sally hasn’t got much money.

She is dreaming of a white Christmas and she is dreaming of Bill. She wants to buy him a nice present, but all the nice presents are so expensive.

Bill is a detective in the big store. From his office near the entrance he watches the different departments on television.

In the men’s department he sees Sally. She looks sweet with her fair hair and slim figure. What is she doing in the men’s department? She takes two shirts, then a red tie, a green pullover and blue socks. There’s no assistant in the department. Bill gets a big shock. Does Sally forget to pay for all those things? She’s leaving the men’s department. Bill watches her on television. Can he show Sally to his family? Can he marry her, if she doesn’t pay? No, he can’t. Bill is very sad.

But what’s that? Sally goes to another department and shows the shirts, the pyllover, the socks and the tie. Then she pays for all those things on her arm.

Bill is happy. Now he can buy her a nice wedding present, now he can marry her.

On Christmas day Sally takes Bill to the Christmas tree. “Do you know what I have got for you, Bill?”

“Yes, Sally, I do. A green pullover, a red tie, two shirts and blue socks.”

2. Grandma Sophia

A Belgian boat enters Dover Harbour. The passengers are on deck with their luggage. Twenty minutes later an Italian lady, her name is Signora Capone, is going to the customs hall.

“Which of these suitcases is yours?” asks the customs officer.

Signora Capone points to two large cases. No, she has nothing to declare, no presents, no cameras, nothing at all. But she must open her luggage. “What’s this?” asks the officer, as he finds one gold watch after the other, ten in all. Then he produces eight silver cigarette-cases. “Will you please come with me?” says the customs officer and takes Signora Capone to the main office. There she has to answer a lot of questions.

Two hours later the Signora is in a train to London. She is not very happy. What presents can she give her family in London? All her silver cigarette-cases and all her watches are at the customs in Dover.

When Signora Capone arrives in London, her son Carlo Capone and his five children welcome her with smiles and kisses. But Carlo sees that there is no smile on his mother’s face.

“What makes you so sad, Mother? Aren’t you happy to see us again?”

In the taxi Signora Capone tells her son about the customs in Dover.

“Never mind, dear”, says Carlo. “Better luck next time. We must get the money back. I’ve got an idea.”

Next day Carlo and Sophia take the train to Brighton with Carlo’s five children. On Brighton pier there is a beauty competition for the most attractive grandma.

The grandmas walk with their grandchildren in front of the judges. What chance has Grandma Sophia got? She looks nice in her new Harrods dress and all her little grandchildren behind her. The judges watch the beauty parade.

Signora Capone wins. She is Brighton’s most attractive grandma. Miss Lily Pond, the film star, gives out the prizes. What does Signora Capone get? Twenty pounds for each grandchild, a gold watch and a silver cigarette-case.

Next day Grandma Capone’s picture is in the newspapers. A hundred copies go to Rome.