II. Комплексы из рук родителей

Мы хотим, чтобы наши дети росли уверенными и счастливыми, но они почему-то считают себя хуже других. А не сами ли мы награждаем их комплексами?

Комплекс неполноценности возникает у маленького человечка, когда он приходит к выводу, что родители любят его не за то, что он есть, а за его успехи. Очень часто мы требуем от детей достижений, которые им не по силам: учиться лучше других одноклассников, быть лидером, проявлять творческие способности... Мы считаем, что таким образом подстегиваем детей, побуждаем их расти. А они в это время мучаются от несостоятельности и искренне считают, что мы перестанем их любить, если они еще раз получат за контрольную тройку или неудачно выступят в школьной самодеятельности.

Вы не воспитаете в ребенке комплекса неполноценности, если...

...не будете унижать его.

...найдете возможность чаще хвалить. У нас не принято обращать внимание на хорошие поступки детей, мы замечаем наших чад только тогда, когда они делают что-то не так. Хотя поблагодарить ребенка за помощь, порадоваться, что он сделал все правильно, – ведь это так просто!

...не будете баловать. Попустительство и вседозволенность приводят к тому, что ребенок начинает считать себя центром вселенной, вокруг которого должен вертеться мир. А когда сверстники и чужие взрослые ставят его на место, избалованное чадушко под градом ударов превращается в несостоявшегося человека.

...будете любить его со всеми слабостями и недостатками. От мамы ребенок ждет безусловную любовь, она его любит просто за то, что он есть. А вот любовь папы и других взрослых надо заслужить: они смотрят на ребенка более критично, знают, что он реально может, и готовы ему помочь достичь верхней планки.

...поможете выстроить отношения с другими людьми. Когда подросток начинает оценивать себя глазами ровесников и говорит вам, что одноклассники его не любят, потому что он рыжий или потому что он толстый, это значит, что свои неудачи в общении он приписывает внешним обстоятельствам.

...чувствительного, впечатлительного ребенка не станете постоянно демонстрировать окружающим: «Посмотрите, как он у нас поет, а сейчас он прочитает стихи...» В дальнейшем он предпочтет оставаться в тени, чтобы к нему поменьше приставали и поменьше с него требовали.

(http://rebenok.com)

EXTENSION

1. Every age is beautiful in its own way. At the same time there are problems typical only for a certain age. Below are some of them. Match them with a particular age period and try to continue the list.

• falling down and having bruises

• rearing children

• growing pains

• being rejected by peers

• diaper rash infant diseases

• not getting along with parents

• separation and divorce

• anxiety for children

• choosing a college

• dating someone

• empty nest syndrome

• being shy and tongue-tied

2. Study the following text and think of the best way to entitle it. Comment on the facts it describes.

* * *

Gregory Ralph Kingsley (born July 28, 1980) made legal history in America when he went to court to sever his legal ties to his parents—and won. Kingsley was born in Denver, Colorado to Ralph Kingsley, Senior and Rachel Kingsley. The eldest of three children, he has two brothers Jeremiah (born 1982) and Zachary.

Ralph was estranged from his family when the three children were very young and Rachel had custodial rights over their sons. However Gregory went to live with his father while his two brothers remained with their mother. While living with his father Gregory was forbidden to have contact with his mother. Through a series of events Gregory eventually came to live with his mother and two siblings. However, because of his mothers lifestyle choice and drug use she was unable to care for her three children leading to Rachel voluntarily putting Gregory and Jeremiah into foster care in 1990. Gregory ended up being placed at Lake County Boys' Ranch, a care home for boys. It was here that Gregory met George Russ, an attorney volunteering at the home, and the two struck a friendship. Russ empathized with the child's plight as he himself had an unsettled childhood. In October 1991, he and his wife Lizabeth agreed to foster Gregory, bringing him to live with their eight biological children.

In 1992, with the support of the Russ family, Gregory took steps to legally divorce his parents after deciding he now had a settled life with his foster family and did not wish to be uprooted again. He became known to the media as 'Gregory K'. On June 9, Judge Thomas Kirk deemed that Gregory had the same rights as an adult to fight for his own interests and ruled that the child could file his petition for divorce. On September 25, after a two-day trial that was televised, Judge Kirk ruled that Gregory had been neglected and abandoned by Ralph and Rachel Kingsley and terminated their parental rights before awarding full custody of the boy to George and Lizabeth Russ. After winning the case, he was presented with a T-shirt that had the name 'Shawn Russ' printed on it as well as the number 9 to show he was the Russ' ninth child.

Shawn is now one of the ten Russ children, who include Robert, Amy, Tiffany, Bryan, Johnny, Shawn, Melanie, Paul, Brandon and Blake.

This case inspired Kimberly Mays, a seventeen-year-old girl who was switched at birth in 1978 in the hospital she was born in, to take similar legal measures to divorce herself from her biological parents Ernest and Regina Twigg, who were trying to sue for full custody of her when she wanted to remain with Robert Mays, the man who raised her as his daughter.

The Gregory K case has been portrayed in two made-for-television films: Switching Parents, which starred Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Gregory and A Place to Be Loved where Tom Guiry undertook the role of Gregory.

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gregory_Kingsley)

3. Write an essay on one of the following topics.

1) There’s never a problem child, there are only problem parents. 2) Anyone who expects quick results in child upbringing is an incurable optimist. 3) Under dictatorial control adolescents work submissively, show little initiative. 4) Happiness can be defined as the state of minimal repression. 5) Healthy children do not fear the future, they anticipate it gladly. 6) The adults who fear that youth will be corrupted by freedom are those who are corrupt themselves.

LESSON 3. MISBEHAVIOUR AND PUNISHMENT

Discussion

1. Discuss the following questions with a partner:

1. Were you punished for misbehaviour at school? In what way?

2. What types of punishments used in schools do you know?

2. There are six types of punishing pupils in the left-hand column in the table below. Do not look at the right-hand column and come up with definitions of each of them. Then compare your ideas with the information on the right.

Lines Detention Report Suspension Exclusion Expulsion

In England, when a teacher gives you ‘lines’, you write out the same sentence again and again, perhaps 50 or 100 times. For example, “I must do my homework” or “I must not be late”. If you are ‘in detention’, you stay after school to do extra work – possibly lines – for half an hour or so. If you are ‘on report’, you have a card which you give to the teacher at the end of every lesson. Each teacher reports if you have behaved well or badly. A pupil that is ‘on suspension’ is not allowed to come to school for a few days because of their misbehaviour. If you are excluded, you cannot come to school for a few weeks. Your parents see the head teacher. This is serious. If you are expelled, you are sent away from your school. This is very serious. You have to go to another school where the teachers all know about your bad record.