An Arranged Marriage

I = Intereiewer R = Raj

I: How old were you when you met your husband, Raj?

R: Mm.... I was erm, sixteen.

I: And what were you doing at the time?

R: Oh I was at home. I had left school, and I was having private tuition actually, at home, to prepare me for my exams.

I: And your father arranged your marriage, is that right?

R: Yes, that's right.

I: Could you tell me how he did that?

R: Yes. He looked around for a suitable husband. He asked friends and relatives if they knew anybody, and found out about their educa­tion, their background, and most importantly, the family's back­ground. He got all the information about them, you know.

I: And did this take a long time?

R: In my case, no, but it depends you see, erm... sometimes a father can see up to a hundred men before he chooses one. My elder sister... for my elder sister my father saw over a hundred men. You know, sometimes it can be difficult to decide. But for my brother he saw only one girl.

I: And for you?

R: He saw only two, one in the morning and one in the evening, and er... he chose the second one.

I: My goodness! Tell me about that day.

R: Yes... well, in the morning the first man came. He was very wealthy, but er... not very well educated, but he had a lot of money. And he was well-dressed, and he had very good manners.

I: And the other one?

R: He wasn't terribly wealthy, but he was well-educated, and he came from a good background. His family owned a village, and were like princes. And all his relatives were suitable. He was twenty-two, and studying law.

I: And your father chose him?

R: Yes.

I: Why, do you know?

R: I think he thought that money wasn't everything. He didn't want the... you know, he didn't want the family money. Education was more important. If he's well-educated, he'll earn it later. Actual­ly, Shyam, that's my husband's name, didn't want to get married. He wanted to wait, but you know his father persuaded him. You

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know when he came to my house to meet my father, he was very badly dressed because he wanted my father to refuse him, so he could say to his father 'Look, they didn't like me'. But luckily my father did like him and —erm — so he had to say 'yes'.

I: And did you meet him that day?

R: Yes. First my family spoke to him, and then they called me in, and we talked for four, four or five minutes. My father decided immediately.

I: And did you agree?

R: Of course. My father had decided.

I: And what happened next?

R: Well, after a certain time, there was a special day when I went to see his family and he came to see my family. It was a sort of engagement party. But we — you know — we used to be on the phone every day, we'd see each other regularly, but never with­out a chaperon. We were married ten months later.

I: And how long have you been married?

R: Oh for twenty-two years now.

I: And ... it's been a successful marriage? Have you been pleased with your father's choice?

R: Oh ... yes, of course.

I: Do you think that the system of arranged marriages is a good one? How common is this system of arranged marriages?

R: Well, most marriages in India are still arranged in this way, and generally it is a system that works. Of course it depends a lot on the family choosing the right person, but one reason it works is that the couple enter the marriage not expecting too much, if you see what I mean. Actually, there are many more divorces between couples who thought that they were marrying for love and who then find that it isn't there. Arranged marriages seem to last, and that is a good thing.

I: And is sixteen the age when girls get married?

R: It is usually sixteen or seventeen.

A. Questions.

1. How did Raj's father find the two men? 2. Was it difficult to find a husband for Raj? 3. Describe the day that Raj met the two men. 4. Why did her father choose Shyam? 5. What happened between that day and their marriage? 6. What was Raj's attitude to her arranged marriage? 7. What advantages does she see to arranged marriage? 8. What do you think of arranged marriages? 9. At what age do young people usually get married in your country?

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off the wedding. A week later she moved out. I was heartbroken, and it took me a long time to get over it.

A few months later I heard she was engaged to a man who worked in local government. They got married, but after two years their marriage broke up and they got divorced.

I tell you this because last night I went to a party and 1 was drowning my sorrows when I saw her standing on the other side of the room sipping a glass of wine. I saw a man walk over to her and I heard him say, 'You seem to be on your own. Can I join you?'

A. Questions.

1. Where did the young people meet? 2. Did they like each other? 3. Were they happy together? 4. Why did they break off their engagement?

B. Practice.

1. Match the verbs in A with the definitions in B.

АВ

В. Summary.

In the following summary there are some factual mistakes and some gaps. Correct the mistakes and complete the gaps. Raj's father arranged her marriage when she was still at school. He chose her husband by . In Raj's case, this didn't take long, but some­ times . Two men were introduced to Raj and her family, and

together they decided . The men were of similar background, but

one of them , and this was the one . Raj didn't agree

with her father, but she had no choice. She has now been married for

twenty-two years, and in fact . Most marriages in India are still

. , and the usual age .

C. Roleplay the conversation.

Focus on phrasal verbs.

Across a Crowded Room

It was love at first sight. I saw her standing on the other side of a crowd­ed room sipping a glass of wine. Our eyes met. I walked over to her and said, 'You seem to be on your own. Can I join you?'

She smiled and said yes. At first she came across as rather shy, but as I got to know her better I found out she was an open and confident person who was easy to get on with. At the end of the party I said 1 would like to see her again and asked her out for a meal the following week.

I took her out to a small Italian restaurant in Soho. After talking for a while, we found out that we had a lot in common — in fact, we seemed to have the same interests and tastes in everything. She smiled at me when I spoke to her, and when our eyes met this time I knew that I was head over heels in love with her. I thought that she was falling in love with me, too. We started going out with each other, and after some time we got engaged and decided to live together. We were both very happy and made plans to settle down and get married the following year.

However, it wasn't long before things started to go wrong. She seemed less affectionate and loving as the weeks passed, and I started to feel she was going off me. She criticized me all the time. 'Why are you always going on at me?' I asked.

In the end I wondered if we were suited to one another. I was keen on hard rock and she was fond of classical music. I was interested in sport and she was interested in politics. We finally fell out over a TV programme. We had a terrible row, broke off 'our engagement, and called

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1. to come across as something

2. to ask someone out somewhere

3. to go out with someone

4. to settle down

5. to go off someone

6. to go on at someone

7. to fall out (with someone) (over something)

8. to break something off

9. to call something off

10. to break up

89

a. to stop liking someone (informal)

b. to start to live a stable, regular life in one place (perhaps after buying a house or getting married)

с to give the impression of hav­ing a particular characteristic

d. to cancel something (an arrangement or event)

e. to discontinue something, to bring something to an abrupt end

f. to spend time with someone so­cially, often to have a romantic relationship

g. to come to an end

h. to have an argument with some­one and stop being friendly with them

i. to keep complaining about some­thing to someone (informal)

j. to invite someone to go out some- where (to a restaurant or theatre)

2. Read the sentences. Then say the sentences again, using the multi­ word verb prompts. The first one has been done for you.

1. The concert has been cancelled. {call off)

The concert has been called off.

2. Stop criticizing me all the time! (go on at)

3. He's invited her to the cinema. (ask out)

4. Julie is having a relationship with a man from France. (go out with)

5. He gives the impression of being rather aggressive. (come across as)

6. Their marriage has ended. (break up)

7. Michael has had an argument with Tony and isn't talking to him. (fall out with)

8.1 want to have a stable life, buy a house, and get married.

(settle down) 9. They have ended their relationship.

(break off) 10. I'm starting to dislike him.

(go off)