Becoming Husbands and Wives
Exercise 1
With your partner describe what is happening in the pictures. Write a caption to each
frame.
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Listening
You will hear an interview with an Indian lady, Rajkumari Kejriwal, known to her family and friends as Raj. In the interview she talks about her arranged marriage, and the day she was introduced to her future husband.
Comprehension check
How did Raj’s father find the two men?
Was it difficult to find a husband for Raj?
Describe the day that Raj met the two men?
Why did her father choose Shyam?
What happened between that day and their marriage?
Summary
In the following summary you will find some factual mistakes and some gaps. Correct the mistakes and fill in the gaps:
Raj’s father arranged her marriage when she was still at school. He chose her husband by _____________ . In Raj’s case, this didn’t take long, but sometimes_____________ . Two men were introduced to Raj and her family, and today they decided______________ . The men were of similar background, but one of them________________ , and this was the one ____________ . Raj didn’t agree with her father, but she had no choice. She has now been married for twenty-two years, and in fact __________ . Most marriages in India are still ____________ , and the usual age _____________ .
Speaking
What do you think?
What was Raj’s attitude to her arranged marriage? Did she accept it or resent it?
How do you think she felt on the day she met the two men?
Raj says that her husband‘s family wasn‘t wealthy, but they owned a village and were like princes. What does this tell us about Raj?
What else would you like to know, either about Raj‘s marriage, or about arranged marriages?
What advantages does she see to arranged marriages?
Reading
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Read about wedding customs around the world, paying attention to the underlined words and then answer the questions.
Marriage is an ancient social practice. Although marriage ceremonies vary from culture to culture and through time, they remain a symbol of social and personal commitment and the ways in which men and women around the world do it are varied, just as their beliefs, customs and cultures are varied. In this article, we‘ll briefly examine ceremonies from three cultures: Egyptian, Japanese and Oglala Indian. In Egypt, in times past, marriages were traditionally arranged. Once a husband had been chosen for a young woman, a go-between, or wekeel, was used to make a contract for a bride-to-be and her future spouse. This was followed by a religious ceremony in which a holy man recited verses from the Quran, the Islamic holy book, about the benefits and the value of marriage. Afterwards the wekeel and the groom pressed their right thumbs to seal the contract. The wekeel then recited a marriage vow on behalf of the bride, to which the groom responded with the vow of his own. Then the bride and a procession of her friends and relatives took part in a special ritual bath and then later a feast, while the groom and his procession of friends and family visited the mosque for special prayers and another feast. A wedding-night feast then followed, at which the groom saw his new wife’s face for the first time. Like traditional Egyptian marriages, Japanese marriages of the past were arranged. The arranged marriage was preferred to the marriage based on love. Like the Egyptian wekeel, the Japanese matchmaker, the nakodo, first determined each family‘s preferences in a possible bride or groom. After both families agreed to a match, a simple exchange of gifts took place, and the bride and groom shared rice, wine, or sake. Now Japanese marriages tend to be a mixture of both the old and the new. The wedding couple may present flowers of thanks to their parents, their friends may give humorous or sentimental speeches, and the bride and groom themselves may pose for pictures in front of a plastic wedding cake that is never meant to be eaten. Unlike the traditional Egyptian or Japanese bride-to-be, who used the services of a go-between, the Oglala Indian woman had some control over the choice of her spouse. Young men from outside the girl’s camp would stand in a line before the girl, awaiting the signal of interest. If the girl liked a young man, she would stand before him and permit him to encircle her in a blanket and tell her why he would make a good husband. Once a couple agreed to marry, the young woman was sent to the groom’s family. Then the groom would present horses, robes and other gifts of value to the bride’s parents, and the bride would take gifts to her parents-in-law. The groom‘s family would erect a house for the couple, and the groom‘s female relatives would dress the new bride in buckskins, paint a part in her hair, and host a feast for all the family. We have seen in our brief examination of marriage rituals from the Egyptian, Japanese and Oglala Indian cultures that even societies as different as these share certain key elements in their marriage ceremonies. We can say, in conclusion, that these ceremonial customs help to ratify men‘s and women‘s beliefs in themselves, their future, and human society.
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Speaking
Do young people in your country ask their parents for permission to marry?
When a couple gets engaged, does the young man give his fiancée a diamond ring? What are your traditional engagement customs?
Do friends of the bride give her showers? What kinds of presents do people give to engaged couples?
Is a religious ceremony legal in your country? Is a civil ceremony legal there?
In your country, at what ages do women and men customarily marry?
Describe a typical wedding ceremony, called a wedding. In your culture is it elaborate and formal? Simple and informal?
How long does the ceremony last?
Who is the authority that presides at the ceremony?
Besides the bride and groom, who are the guests?
What special customs are observed?
Are there presents for the wedding couple? Are food and drink served?
Do newlyweds go on a honeymoon? Where do they commonly go?
Where do couples usually live after they get married?
Listening
Simon Rose and Rachel Peterson were married recently at Walt Disney World. Listen to them talking about their wedding. What was traditional and what was non-traditional about it?
Exercise 2
Translate the following text into English.
… А по вінчанні – весілля.
В народі здавна весіллям керували хресні батьки, вони ж обовязково вітали молодих. Потім починалося “дарування”: родичі молодого робили дарунки рідним молодої, і навпаки. Подекуди тоді ж мати й заміжні сестри дівчини здійснювали такі обряди як “розплітання коси” та “покривання голови молодої”, що символізувало її перехід у стан заміжньої жінки. За покриванням голови відбувався урочистий “розподіл короваю”, що означав приєднання усіх гостей до сімейних урочистостей.
Наприкінці весілля пізно ввечері молоду виряджали до дому молодого. Свекор та свекруха зустрічали молоду пару біля порога своєї хати. Свекруха обсипала молодих пшеницею. У деяких місцевостях провести молодих доручалося дружбі молодого. Весілля закінчувалось наступного дня (зазвичай, понеділка) циклом різних обрядів. Післявесільні обряди мусили згуртувати родини молодих і полегшити призвичаєння молодої до чужого дому.
Pre-reading
A. Here are some of the secrets for people‘s staying together. Do you agree with them? Think of some secrets of your own.
Keep things in proportion. Remember what’s important.
Have lots of fun together.
Remember that it’s OK to disagree.
Work on yourself alone so you’re always becoming a better person.
Never go to bed mad at each other.
Go out on a date with each other once a week – no matter what!
B. You’ll meet these words in the text, match them with their synonyms:
upbeat
to subside
to respect
let alone
high-stress
fundamental requirements
what’s on one’s mind
bound to be disappointed
to accommodate the need
in one’s thoughts
to lower
cheerful
dto meet the requirement
to look up
high-pressured
not to mention
certain to be disillusioned
basic needs
C. Do you agree or disagree with the following statements? After reading the article correct the false ones.
A It was very hard to live in the past
B People now have a lot of time to spend with each other
C If you marry the right person you’ll live happily
D To live happily you must totally respect the other person
E When your partner has a problem, jump to solve it
F It doesn’t matter how you express your love, your partner will understand you
Reading