Books on Happiness / The Definitive Book Of Body Language- 2 students

The Power Is in Your Hands

Initial meetings between men and women can be thrown off by poor handshake technique.

If this ever happens to you, intentionally take the other person's right hand with your left, place it correctly into your right hand and say with a smile 'Let's try that again!' This can give you an enormous credibility boost with the other person, because it shows you care enough about meeting them to get the handshake right. If you are a woman in business, a wise strategy is to give notice to others that you intend to shake hands so as to not catch them off guard. Hold your hand out as early as possible to give clear notice of your intention to shake hands and this will avoid any fumbling.

The Double-Hander

A corporate favourite the world over, this is delivered with direct eye-contact, a candidly reassuring smile and a confident loud repetition of the receiver's first name, often accompanied by an earnest inquiry about the receiver's current state of health.

The Double-Hander

This handshake increases the amount of physical contact given by the initiator and gives control over the receiver by

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restricting his right hand. Sometimes called the 'politician's handshake', the initiator of the Double-Hander tries to give the impression he is trustworthy and honest, but when it's used on a person he's just met, it can have the reverse effect leaving the receiver feeling suspicious about the initiator's intentions. The Double-Hander is like a miniature hug and is acceptable only in circumstances where a hug could also be acceptable.

'You're a lovable, memorable person - whoever you are...'

Ninety per cent of humans are born with the ability to throw the right arm in front of the body - known as an over-arm blow - for basic self-defence. The Double-Hander restricts this defence capability, which is why it should never be used in greetings where a personal bond doesn't exist with the other person. It should be used only where an emotional bond already exists, such as when meeting an old friend. In these circumstances, self-defence is not an issue so the handshake is perceived as genuine.

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Yassar Arafat plants a Double-Hander on Tony Blair, whose tight-lipped expression shows he's not impressed

Handshakes of Control

The intention of any two-handed handshake is to try to show sincerity, trust or depth of feeling for the receiver. Two significant elements should be noticed. Firstly, the left hand is used to communicate the depth of feeling the initiator wants to convey and this is relative to the distance the initiator's left hand is placed up the receiver's right arm. It's like an intention to embrace and the initiator's left hand is used like a thermometer of intimacy - the further up the receiver's arm it's placed, the more intimacy the initiator is attempting to show. The initiator is both attempting to show an intimate connection with the receiver while, at the same time, attempting to control their movement.

For example, the Elbow Grasp conveys more intimacy and control than the Wrist Hold, and the Shoulder Hold conveys more than the Upper-Arm Grip.

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Secondly, the initiator's left hand is an invasion of the receiver's personal space. In general, the Wrist Hold and the Elbow Grasp are acceptable only where one person feels close to the other and in these cases the initiator's left hand enters only the outer edge of the receiver's personal space. The Shoulder Hold and Upper-Arm Grip show close intimacy and may even result in a hug ('personal space' will be covered more in Chapter 11). Unless the intimate feelings are mutual or the initiator doesn't have a good reason for using a double-handed handshake, the receiver will probably be suspicious and mistrust the initiator's intentions. In summary, if you don't have

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some sort of personal bond with the other person, don't use any Double-Hander. And if the person who gives you one doesn't have a personal connection with you, look for their hidden agenda.

Unless you and the other person have a personal or emotional bond, only use a single-handed handshake.

It's common to see politicians greeting voters using doublehanded handshakes and businesspeople doing it to clients without realising it can be business and political suicide, putting people offside.

The Blair-Bush Power Game

During the Iraq conflict in 2003, George W Bush and Tony Blair presented to the media the image of a powerful alliance that was 'united and equal', but close analysis of photographs shows strong power plays by George Bush.

Out-dressed and out-gunned: George Bush putting the Upper Hand on Tony Blair

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The Definitive Book of Body Language

In the above picture, Bush leans in to deliver the Upper Hand from the left side of the photograph. Bush is dressed like an Armed Forces Commander-in-Chief and Blair is dressed like an English schoolboy meeting the headmaster. Bush has his feet firmly planted together on the ground and is using a Back Hold to control Blair. Bush regularly jockeys for the position left-of-picture, allowing him to be perceived as dominant and to look as if he were calling the shots.

The Solution

To avoid losing power if you inadvertently find yourself on the right-of-picture, extend your arm early as you approach from a distance as this forces the other person to face you straight on to shake hands. This lets you keep the handshake on an equal basis. If photos or video are being shot, always approach the other person so you occupy the left-of-picture position. At worst, use a Double-Hander to give yourself an equal footing.

The World's Eight Worst Handshakes

Here are eight of the world's most annoying and disliked handshakes and their variations. Avoid them at all times:

1.The Wet Fish

Credibility Rating: 1/10.

Few greetings are as uninviting as the Wet Fish, particularly when the hand is cold or clammy. The soft, placid feel of the Wet Fish makes it universally unpopular and most people associate it with weak character, mainly because of the ease with which the palm can be turned over. It is read by the receiver as a lack of commitment to the encounter, but there may be cultural or other implications - in some Asian and African cultures a limp handshake is the norm and a firm handshake can be seen as offensive. Also, one in twenty people

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sufferfrom a condition called hyperhydrosis, which is a genetic condition that causes chronic sweating. It's wise to carry tissues or a handkerchief for mop-up strategies before any bout of handshaking.

The Wet Fish

The palms have more sweat glands than any other part of the body, which is why sweaty palms become so obvious. Surprisingly, many people who use the Wet Fish are unaware they do it so it's wise to ask your friends to comment on your handshake style before deciding what you'll use in future meetings.

2.The Vice

Credibility Rating: 4/10.

This quietly persuasive style is a favourite of men in business and reveals a desire to dominate and assume early control of the relationship or put people in their place. The palm is presented in the down position with one sharp downward pump followed by two or three vigorous return strokes and a grip that can even stop blood flow to the hand. Sometimes it will be used by a person who feels weak and fears they will be dominated by others.

The Vice

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3.The Bone-Crusher

Credibility Rating: 0/10.

A second cousin to the Vice, the Bone-Crusher is the most feared of all handshakes as it leaves an indelible memory on the recipient's mind and fingers and impresses no one other than the initiator. The Bone-Crusher is the trademark of the overly aggressive personality who, without warning, seizes the early advantage and attempts to demoralise his opponent by grinding his knuckles to a smooth paste. If you are female, avoid wearing rings on your right hand in business encounters as the Bone-Crusher can draw blood and leave you to open your business dealings in a state of shock.

The Bone-Crusher

Unfortunately, there are no effective ways to counter it. If you believe someone has done it on purpose, you could bring it to everyone's attention by saying, 'Ouch! That really hurt my hand. Your grip is too strong.' This puts the advocate of the Bone-Crusher on notice not to repeat the behaviour.

4.The Finger-Tip Grab

Credibility Rating: 2/10.

A common occurrence in male—female greetings, the FingerTip Grab is a handshake that missed the mark and the user mistakenly grabs the other person's fingers. Even though the initiator may seem to have an enthusiastic attitude towards the receiver, he in fact lacks confidence in himself. In these circumstances, the main aim of the Finger-Tip Grab is to keep

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the receiver at a comfortable distance. The Finger-Tip Grab can also result from personal space differences between the people in the handshake. This could happen if one person's intimate space was two feet (60cm) and the other's was three feet (90cm), the latter stands further back during greeting so the hands don't connect properly.

If this happens to you, take the other person's right hand with your left and place it correctly in your right hand and say, with a smile 'Let's try that again!' and shake hands equally. This builds your credibility because you are telling the other person that you think they are important enough for you to get it right.

5.The Stiff-Arm Thrust

Credibility Rating: 3/10.

Like the Palm-Down Thrust, the Stiff-Arm Thrust tends to be used by aggressive types and its main purpose is to keep you at a distance and away from their personal space. It's also used by people raised in rural areas, who have larger personal space needs and want to protect their territory.

The Stiff-Arm Thrust

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These people will even lean forward or balance on one foot to keep their distance when delivering a Stiff-Arm Thrust.

6.The Socket-Wrencher

Credibility Rating: 3/10.

A popular choice of power players and common cause of watering eyes and, in extreme cases, torn ligaments. This is the father of the Bent-Arm-Pull-In, and involves forcefully gripping the receiver's outstretched palm, then simultaneously applying a sharp reverse thrust, attempting to drag the receiver into the initiator's territory. This results in loss of balance and gets the relationship off on the wrong foot.

The Socket-Wrencher

Pulling the receiver into the initiator's territory can mean one of three things: first, the initiator is an insecure type who feels safe only within his own personal space; second, the initiator is from a culture that has smaller space needs; or third, he wants to control you by pulling you off balance. Either way, he wants the encounter to be on his terms.

7.The Pump Handle

Credibility Rating: 4/10.

With strong rural overtones, the pumper grabs the hand of the pumpee and commences an energetic and rhythmic series of rapid vertical strokes.

While up to seven pumps is acceptable, some pumpers continue to pump uncontrollably as if they are trying to draw water from the pumpee.

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