I Don’t Feel or Look My Age

Before reading the following article by Susan Scalone-Bonnici answer the questions below.

1. Do you think people should be content to look their age?

2. Can you think of any circumstances when people would try to look older than they are? If so, when?

3. Should people try to look younger?

4. Would you spend the money for cosmetic surgery to eliminate wrinkles?

5. In your life experience, are older people treated with respect?

Everyone wants to be and stay beautiful/handsome, clear-eyed and optimistic. Maybe this is an almost impossible task. For how can a person sustain things like raising children, with all those wrenching, heart-breaking times; carrying the responsibilities of adulthood, losing jobs, losing parents, losing spouses, without incurring a weathered look? In nature there is a change: seasons, cycles, evolution. So, too, there has to be change for the human person. To remain forever young (or forever anything frozen in time) would have a stagnant effect on the whole person.

Some things go with the territory. The stretch marks a woman gets after childbirth would not be there if she didn’t bring a new life into being. Whatever we are is part of the rich history of our lives, our own unique story. It’s a shame that in our youth-oriented society too much emphasis is placed on externals. Stretch marks, gray hair, age freckles are signs that we are getting older, but who cares? It’s not all we are about.

Anything that lives on this earth must age. Otherwise we wouldn’t have any history! Look at a family and observe its life cycle: infant, child, adolescent, young adult, mid-life, elderly; watch how each moves on to the next position, like game pieces advancing on a board. The game of life continues and before long, baby becomes grandpa.

What blurs perception may be lack of compassion. Compassion allows each person at each stage of life to be, with no labels or preconceived notions of what he should be, and allows that person to stand on his or her own. Thus, the young should not look upon the old with contempt; the old may not demean the young. No one can afford a blanket judgment of anyone else or risk being judged by the same narrow-sightedness.

Making people aware of the need for compassion is the first step in changing their attitude. This would require a lot of effort, education and hard work. It is easier to fall back on labels (he’s too old; she’s just a kid; it’s that middle-age thing; what does he know, he’s so young; she’s too old). But dispelling labels has got to be done if we would dare to call ourselves a democracy of free people.

It is healthy to be concerned with one’s appearance, to want to look attractive, fit, pleasant to the eye. It is an expression of how a person feels about himself to care about his looks, but only as an expression and not a total outpouring of self. Self is what is arrived at through a life of caring, loving. It is an unshakable stand of self-love and spirit where we can change and all things are possible, not by appearances only, but by how good it is to be alive and special, a vital and important part of this world in which we live – at any age.

(from North Star by J.L. Miller and R.F. Cohen)

stagnant: not advancing or developing

to blur: to confuse, to make unclear

preconceived notions: opinions that are formed before having actual knowledge or experience

to demean: to humiliate

dispelling: eliminating, getting rid of

Examine the following questions. Then discuss with a partner how Susan Scalone-Bonnici might respond to these issues about aging. There can be more than one correct answer. Circle your choice(s) and discuss them with your partner.

1. “I have a lot of wrinkles and a sagging face. Should I have cosmetic surgery for a facelift?”

   1. No, wrinkles and other signs of age show that you have wisdom.

   2. No, don’t waste your money because these operations are never very successful.

   3. OK, but don’t be so concerned about the purely external aspects of the self.

   4. Yes, why should nature dictate to us if we have the technology to please ourselves?

2. “My grandmother goes ice-skating every Sunday in a short red dress.”

   1. How terrible that she shames you with her inappropriate behaviour!

   2. How lucky you are that she has such a strong spirit!

   3. You should try to understand her and see her point of view.

   4. Don’t watch her, and it won’t bother you so much.

3. “I only trust a man with gray hair.”

   1. You’re right, experience is very important.

   2. Younger men are not very serious.

   3. Beware of blanket judgments.

   4. Choose a more modern and up-to-date person.

4. “America is more sympathetic to youth than to old people.”

   1. We ought to change this and recognize the gifts of all ages.

   2. We ought to change this and make old people the decision-makers.

   3. We’re right to prefer the dynamism of youth.

   4. Dispelling labels is crucial.

5. “Young people are all reckless and thoughtless.”

   1. We can’t generalize about such a thing.

   2. You are right. Young people lack experience.

   3. No, young people are understanding and caring.

   4. Trying to fit people into categories only makes us more prejudiced.