A Letter

Dear Fiona,

Thank you for all your news. Things are very much as normal here. Harry and I have split up - we both felt we had had enough of each other. He's dating a girl who was going steady with Paul when you were here - I think they're quite serious - and I'm seeing a film producer called Harvey who's waiting for his divorce to come through. We're more than "just good friends" but I don't know how long it will last. My late husband's former mistress is marrying his first wife's third husband on Saturday. In fact, it's going to be a double wedding because her second son by her first marriage is getting married to the girl he's been sharing a flat with for the past six months. You remember? That's her halfbrother's ex-fiancee, the one who was going out with Jason back in January.

Anyway, how are you? Still the ideal couple over there in Eastbourne, are you? Do I hear wedding bells?

Lots of love for now, Mandy

READING

Read about some English wedding traditions and superstitions and say whether they exist in your country, whether you believe in them and follow them. What other wedding traditions do you know?

British Wedding Customs. Past And Present.

In the past young people couldn't just fall in love and decide to get married. First, they needed to obtain their parents' consent. In fact, quite often it was the parents who decided who their children should marry. When the prospective groom had obtained his father's consent to marry, a formal marriage proposal had to be made. The prospective groom didn't propose in person but sent his friends or members of his family to represent his interests to the prospective bride and her family.

Now things are not so complicated. However, it is still considered romantic and proper to ask your beloved if he or she would like to marry you and exchange engagement rings. The purpose of getting engaged is to show each other and others that you are no longer free and plan to get married, say, in two years’ time. One British couple has been engaged for over 35 years and are still not married!

Choosing the right day for the wedding is the next thing to be considered. Now the most popular day is a Saturday as most people work during the week. As there are only four Saturdays in any month summer weddings need to be booked a year in advance.

In the past, however, choosing when to marry was a serious affair. Saturdays were considered unlucky, and so were Fridays, especially Friday the 13th. This famous old rhyme advises a wedding to happen in the first half of the week:

Monday for wealth

Tuesday for health

Wednesday the best day of all

Thursday for losses

Friday for crosses

Saturday for no luck at all.

Buying a suitable outfit for the groom is not difficult - he just needs a black suit and a flower buttonhole. However, dressing the bride is an altogether different matter. The answer is in this old rhyme which is as relevant today as it was more than a hundred years ago:

Something old, something new

Something borrowed, something blue

And a silver sixpence in your shoe.

"Something old" is usually given to the bride by a happily married woman in the hope that her happy marriage will be passed on to the new bride. "Something new" symbolises the newlyweds' happy and prosperous future. "Something borrowed" is a valuable item lent by the bride's family which needs to be returned to ensure good luck. "Something blue" is normally a blue ribbon in the bride’s hair to symbolise fidelity. The placing of a silver sixpence in the bride’s shoe is to ensure future wealth.

Different Types Of Marriages

Marriage is a general term used for determining matrimonial relationships. But people say that there are different types of marriages: arranged marriages, marriages of convenience, marriages for love, money and others. Now you’ll read some stories about different types of marriages. What pluses and minuses do they have? What kind of marriage would you prefer and why?

Rigidly patriarchal family life in pre-Revolutionary times in Russia and in many other countries was quite normal. And marriages at that time were mainly arranged by parents. The family's backgrounds of both bride and groom were carefully studied and traced down to the sixth generation. And no horoscopes whatsoever!

There are countries where long-established traditions are still respected and observed. Let’s take India, for example. Most marriages are arranged by parents there.

Sometimes fathers see about a hundred candidates before they choose the best one. All information about them including education, their background and especially their family's background is found out. The young boy and the young girl are not allowed to see each other in private and after the engagement and up to their marriage they can meet only in the presence of third party.

This established custom rests upon the belief that arranged marriages are much more successful than those resulting from love and often ending in divorce. Nowadays marriages for love and marriages of convenience are mostly popular.

An Arranged Marriage

Sarita and Ranjit Sharma talk about their arranged marriage.

-How was the marriage arranged?

-(Sarita) I was studying in America at the time. A friend of my family told us there was this man living in Britain who was looking for a suitable girl. My Dad liked the sound of him. We made some enquiries - his education, what he did, that kind of thing. The news

was very encouraging. Ranjit was a good catch.

- (Ranjit) The first I knew about Sarita was the day before she arrived here. My father organized the whole thing. I was happy to meet Sarita but I knew I could always say no if I didn't think we'd be right together.

- What were your first impressions of each other?

-(Santa) Good. Although there wasn’t a great surge of attraction I remember thinking, "He seems nice." The atmosphere that day was quite intense because our families were watching us, so, Ranjit suggested we go out for a drink on our town.

-(Ranjit) I liked Sarita. I found her attractive, but there wasn't that spark you get if you see someone you fancy at a party. It was more mental attraction.

-How did you decide on each other?

-(Sarita) We met up three more times over the two weeks before I returned to America - by then I'd decided that Ranjit was right for me.

-(Ranjit) There was pressure from my family after the very first meeting. I'd seen three girls before Sarita, but she was the first I was interested in. So I said yes after those first three meetings.

-Do you love each other now?

-(Sarita) Yes we do. I couldn't pinpoint an exact time when love began, but it was about two years into the relationship.

-(Ranjit) Love came into our relationship after a while. I didn't wake up one morning and think, "I love this woman." The love we now have is warm, deep and lasting.

liked the sound of him - liked what he heard about Ranjit

a good catch - a good person to marry for reasons of social status a great surge - a sudden powerful feeling

fancy - find attractive

My Mother's Diary

This is a story about how my parents married, which I found out when I read my mother's diary after her death.

My mother came from a tiny village where rules were very strict for women and arranged marriages were common. When she was quite young, my mother's parents had promised her to a man from a well-off family. This particularly pleased my mother's parents, who were not wealthy.

My mother left school early and during the year before she was due to be married, she worked as a seamstress in her parents' tailoring business. She spent her time working, or in the home under the watchful eye of her grandmother.

One day, my mother went into the town to deliver a customer's clothing. When she knocked on the door of the house the owner's son opened the door. My mother and he were instantly attracted to each other and had some time at the door in conversation. Before she left, they agreed to meet again and soon my mother was delivering orders to this customer on a weekly basis. Very quickly my mother knew she was in love.

My mother was too afraid to tell her parents that she had fallen in love with someone else as not only was she promised to someone else, but also they would punish her severely for meeting a man unchaperoned. Eventually, she and the young man had to make a decision as the arranged marriage was looming.

My mother was in a terrible position - either run away with the man that she loved and never see her own family again, or marry a man she didn't love but have a safe, comfortable life.

Finally, my mother couldn't stand the indecision any longer, and decided to submit to her parents' wishes. On 1st July, she went one more time to see the young man and told him that she could not break her parents' hearts and bring disgrace on her family by running away. On 1st August, my mother submitted to the arranged marriage. Her true love was heartbroken and soon left the town, never to return. My mother had a safe, comfortable life, but wrote that she often woke at night in tears, dreaming of her true love.

After I read this story it explained to me the secret tears that my mother cried every year on 1st July.

A Marriage Of Convenience

After W. S. Maugham

I left Bangkok on a shabby little ship. I had gone on board early in the morning and soon discovered that I was thrown amid the oddest collection of persons I had ever encountered. There were two French traders and a Belgian colonel, an Italian tenor, the American proprietor of a circus with his wife, and a retired French official with his.

The French official had been accompanied on board by the French minister at Bangkok, one or two secretaries and a prince of a royal family. He was evidently a person of consequence. I had heard the captain address him as Monsieur le Gouvemeur.

Monsieur le Gouvemeur was a little man, well below the average height, and smally made, with a very ugly little face; he had a bushy grey head, bushy grey eyebrows, and a bushy grey moustache. He did look a little like a poodle and he had the poodle's soft, intelligent and shining eyes.

The Governor’s wife was a large woman, tall and of a robust build. She towered over her diminutive husband like a skyscraper over a shack. He talked endlessly, with vivacity and wit, and when he said anything amusing her heavy features relaxed into a large fond smile.

In such a small ship having once made the acquaintance of my fellow passengers, it would have been impossible, even had I wished it, not to pass with them every moment of the day that I was not in my cabin.

Talking of one thing and another we watched the day decline, we dined, and then we sat out again on deck under the stars. Soon, influenced perhaps by the night, the Italian tenor, accompanying himself on his guitar began to sing. He had the real Italian voice, and he sang the Neapolitan songs.

I saw that the little French Governor had been holding the hand of his large wife and the sight was absurd and touching.

"Do you know that this is the anniversary of the day on which I first saw my wife?" he said, suddenly breaking the silence. "It is also the anniversary of the day on which she promised to be my wife. And, which will surprise you, they were one and the same. You see, ours was a marriage of convenience pure and simple."

"C'est vrai," said the lady. "But sometimes love comes after marriage and not before, and then it is better. It lasts longer."

"You see, I had been in the navy, and when I retired I was forty-nine. I was strong and active and I was very anxious to find an occupation. And presently I was sent for by the minister to the Colonies and offered the post of Governor in a certain colony. The minister told me that I must be ready to start in a month. I told him that would be easy for an old bachelor."

"You are a bachelor?" "Certainly," I answered.

"In that case I am afraid I must withdraw my offer. For this position it is essential that you should be married."

"It is too long a story to tell you, but the gist of it was that owing to the scandal my predecessor had caused, it had been decided that the next Governor must be a model of respectability. I expostulated. I argued. Nothing would serve. The minister was adamant. He asked me to think it over and said that if I couldn't find a wife in a month there would be no job."

I walked away from the ministry with death in my heart. Suddenly I made up my mind. I walked to the offices of the Figaro, composed an advertisement, and handed it in for insertion. You will never believe it, but I had four thousand three hundred and seventy-two

replies. It was an avalanche. It was hopeless, I had less than a month now and I could not see over four thousand aspirants to my hand in that time. I gave it up as a bad job. I went out of my room hideous with all those photographs and littered papers and to drive care away went on to the boulevard and sat down at the Cafe de la Paix. After a time I saw a friend passing. My friend stopped and coming up to me sat down.

"What is making you look so glum?" he asked me. I was glad to have someone in whom I could confide my troubles and told him the whole story. He laughed. Controlling his mirth as best he could, he said to me: "But, my dear fellow, do you really want to marry?" At this I entirely lost my temper.

"You are completely idiotic," I said. "If I did not want to marry, do you imagine that I should have spent three days reading love letters from women I have never set eyes on?"

"Calm yourself and listen to me," he replied. "I have a cousin who lives in Geneva. She is Swiss. Her morals are without reproach, she is of a suitable age, a spinster, for she has spent the last fifteen years nursing an invalid mother who has lately died, she is well educated and she is not ugly."

"There is one thing you forget. What inducement would there be for her to give up her accustomed life to accompany in exile a man of forty-nine who is by no means a beauty?"

When I made this remark to my friend he replied: "One can never tell with women. There is something about marriage that wonderfully attracts them. There would be no harm in asking her."

"But I do not know your cousin and I don't see how I am to make her acquaintance." "I will tell you what to do," said my friend. "Go to Geneva and take her

a box of chocolates from me. You can have a little talk and then if you do not like the look of her you take your leave and no harm is done."

That night I took the train to Geneva. No sooner had I arrived than I sent her a letter to say that I was the bearer of a gift from her cousin. Within an hour I received her reply to the effect that she would be pleased to receive me at four o'clock in the afternoon. As the clock struck four I presented myself at the door of her house. She was waiting for me. Imagine my surprise to see a young woman with the dignity of Juno, the features of Venus, and in her expression the intelligence of Minerva. I was so taken aback that I nearly dropped the box of chocolates. We talked for a quarter of an hour. And then I said to her.

"Mademoiselle, I must tell you that I did not come here merely to give you a box of chocolates. I came to ask you to do me the honour of marrying me."

She gave a start.

"But, monsieur, you are mad," she said. Then I repeated my offer.

"I will not deny that your offer has come as a surprise. I had not thought of marrying. I have passed the age. I must consult my friends and my family."

"What have they got to do with it? You are of full age. The matter is pressing. I cannot

wait."

"You are not asking me to say yes or no this very minute? That is outrageous." "That is exactly what I am asking."

"You are quite evidently a lunatic."

"Well, which is it to be?" I said. "Yes or no?"

She shrugged her shoulders. She waited a minute and I was on tenterhooks. "Yes."

"And there she is. We were married in a fortnight and I became Governor of a colony I married a jewel, my dear sirs, one in a thousand."

He turned to the Belgian colonel.