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1. Problems in the family may start long before marriage. When people see no solution to them, they seek advice from other people.

The stories below are taken from an issue of the Daily Mail and are addressed to an agony aunt. Read them and discuss the situation described.

Question:

My fiancé and his former girlfriend play bridge once a week with two friends. This situation would not bother me except for the fact that her photograph was still on display in his house in the first few months of our relationship. He sent her a birthday card without telling me.

I am keen on bridge and good enough to play at their level but when we are married my fiancé expects me to welcome his ex into our home and for the regular four to play together, excluding me.

I find the whole business unacceptable. I accept that their relationship is finished but I do not want to see this woman and wish she could be excluded from our married life. As she is now engaged I had hoped that the situation would resolve itself. What should I do?

Name and address supplied

Answer:

Your fiancé is playing mind games with you. It could be that, like my former husband, he feels insecure and having the attention of more than one woman feeds his ego.

Initially, I felt flattered that my husband was sought after by others.

This was a grave mistake. Eventually I realised that he had very low self-esteem and had found a way of boosting his ego at the expense of others.

Think carefully about marrying. Your fiancé doesn’t seem to be able to commit himself to you. Both partners need to be individuals – independent yet able to trust each other – if there is any hope of a long - lasting relationship.

Discuss your feelings with him but be cautious. It is much better to avoid the pain of a broken marriage by sorting things out now than to go ahead with an unresolved problem hanging over you.

Answer:

Unknown to me, my husband had been sending Christmas and birthday cards to an old girlfriend throughout our marriage. When both my parents fell gravely ill, I went to care for them and my husband ended up in bed with his ex.

When you live with someone, a lot of glamour and excitement disappears. You see each other in bad moods, stressed, tired or ill – especially once children are around to exhaust you. However, the old flame remains glamorous and attractive.

Be aware of the sexual chemistry that existed between your fiancé and this old girlfriend. This can still remain, even after a relationship has ended.

I have forgiven my husband but I still feel jealous and hurt. The other woman was younger, more attractive and not tired out by commitments. You are right to be on your guard.

2. Answer the questions.

1. Would you find it acceptable if your fiancé invited his ex girlfriend to your home or sent her Christmas and birthday cards?

2. What would you do if you learned that he had done it in secret (on the quiet)? Would you forgive him?

3. What is the best way of sorting out things between husband and wife?

4. How does a girl know that her boyfriend is playing mind games with her?

5. What should the wife do to ‘feed her husband’s ego’?

6. What should the wife do to remain as glamorous and attractive as before?

7. Would you forgive your husband if you found him unfaithful to you?

3. Pick up from the passages ideas that might be helpful in married life and write them down in the blanks. ………………………………………………………………………..

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