A reply to a rejection letter

The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer or publisher, just send them the following: Dear [name of the person who signed the rejection letter], Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me [employment with your firm/a contract to publish my book]. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite [name of the co or agency that sent you this letter]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting [applicants/manuscripts], I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate [employment/publishing] with your firm immediately following [graduation/job change, etc. - get creative here]. I look forward to working with you. Best of luck in rejecting future [candidates/manuscripts]. Sincerely, [your name]

An offer of love

Dearest Ms Susan, I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 20th of October (Thursday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 19th of Oct. at 1500hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account. I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer. Wish you all the best! Thanking you in anticipation, Yours sincerely, HR Manager

A letter of complaint to bill gates

Dear Mr. Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button start’ but there is no “stop” button. We request you to check this.

2. We find there is ‘Run’ in the menu. One of my friends clicked ‘run ‘ he ran upto Amritsar. So, we request you to change that to “sit”, so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any ‘re-scooter’ is available in system? I find only ‘re-cycle’, but I own a scooter at my home.

4. There is ‘Find’ button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ‘ find’ button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt ‘Microsoft word’ now he wants to learn ‘Microsoft sentence’, so when you will provide that?

6. I brought computer, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows ‘MY Computer’: when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says ‘MY Pictures’ but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is ‘MICROSOFT OFFICE’ what about ‘MICROSOFT HOME’ since I use the PC at home only.

9. You provided “My Recent Documents”. When you will provide “My Past Documents”?

10. You provide “My Network Places”. For God sake please do not provide “My Secret Places”. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Thank you a lot for your time,

Faithfully yours,

Mr. Smith.