I nodded. “Eight months.”

“Four, then, really. His mistress, the woman you heard him beat, well, maybe I could have rationalized her death. She hooked up with him for his money and what she could get out of him. He didn’t get a chance to destroy her letters, that’s how I found out. But he added three innocent people and an unborn child.” She paused. Suddenly, she pounded her fist against her knee. “Damn him! I hate him!” She was crying. “See, I have selfish reasons. I hate living my life under his shadow. Goddamn him!” She hit the wall.

“Cordelia,” I said. I gripped her shoulders in my hands, not wanting her to hurt herself. “Cordelia, we’ve got to stop…don’t hurt yourself.”

She shook herself and wiped her tears. “I’m sorry,” she said. “You’re dripping wet. Let’s go inside. You need some dry clothes.” She put a hand over one of mine, pressed it, then let it go and got up.

“Yes, I must look like a drowned rat,” I said as I opened my door.

“No, not a rat,” she said following behind me. “Rats don’t have curly hair.”

I turned on a few lights. Hepplewhite winked an eye at me, stretched, and then curled up and went back to sleep. Thanks, Hep, glad to know you’ve missed me. Hutch and Ms. Clavish must have been taking good care of her.

“Can you make some coffee while I get changed?” I asked Cordelia. I started looking in my closet.

She went into the kitchen. I found an old pair of jeans. They had a ripped knee, but were clean and would fit.

“Micky,” Cordelia said, poking her head out of the kitchen. “Devastating news. There is no coffee of any kind.”

“Damn,” I said. “Lousy cops. They must have drunk it all. I don’t guess they expected me back so soon.” Hutch had probably used up my coffee, figuring he would pay me back before I even knew it was missing.

“Why are you packing?” she asked, looking at me.

I had thrown a couple of pairs of underwear and a T-shirt or two into a small duffel bag.

“I’m going out to the shipyard. I’m going to spend the night there,” I said, realizing it had been my intention all along. I didn’t want Cordelia here, because she would stop me. “I’ll come back tomorrow,” I justified. “And I’ll call Ranson and let her scream and yell at me as much as she likes. There are some good-byes that I never said properly,” I continued, “and I have to go. Please don’t try to stop me.”

“No, I won’t,” she answered. “Can I help?”

“I think I’ve got everything, but thanks.”

“Can I drive you somewhere?”

“My car is a few blocks over, hidden in a friend’s garage.”

“Mine’s in front. I’ll take you.”

I nodded agreement. I didn’t have many more dry clothes to change into and my raincoat was at Ranson’s.

I finished what little packing I had to do, scratched Hep’s ears, turned out the lights, and we left.

Cordelia’s car was parked right across the street. I should have noticed it on my way here, but I hadn’t. We got in and I gave her directions to my car.

“Micky,” she said as we pulled away from the curb. “I’m so sorry.” She glanced quickly at me, then back to her driving.

“For what? You’ve done nothing,” I answered.

“Someone from my family needs to apologize to you. I doubt anyone else has.”

“You can’t make up for somebody else’s sins. You will spend your whole life trying and never get close. It’s nearly impossible to make up for our own,” I said more for myself than for her.

“I need this. I need a closure. I need…forgiveness,” she said. “You’re the only person who can give it to me.”

“You’ve done nothing that requires forgiveness,” I replied. “At least, not to me,” I added.

“If he had been five minutes later down that road…” She trailed off. We came to where my car was.

“Yeah, and if we had been five minutes later or earlier. If David didn’t need to pee one more time before he left his grandmother’s or if I had decided I needed to or any other number of things, this wouldn’t have happened,” I said. “You and I are not responsible,” I added with finality. I picked up my duffel bag from the floor. A car behind us honked. Cordelia put a hand on my arm to restrain me.

“Let me go with you,” she said. She pulled the car forward to let the honking car pass. “Somehow, you and I are intertwined. Now that I’ve finally been able to bring the subject up,” she said with a rueful look, “I can’t let it or you go just yet.”