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Ali Vali - Second Season.docx
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Chapter Four

“No fucking way, Jess.” Kara sat on her sofa and popped a few pills into her mouth before putting the ice pack back. “You can move in here if you need a place to stay, but I look at fucking kids all day long. I’m not coming home to any.”

“You knew I had kids. And right now they’re sitting outside the apartment building in the car and I’m sure wondering what the heck I’m doing in here.”

“Your kids and her kids, not mine. This isn’t up for discussion.”

“What exactly would you like me to do with them? They’re my children.”

Kara glared at her from what seemed to be a pain-induced haze. “If they’re that important to you, why don’t you go find a nice hotel room for the three of you so you can play the doting mother. I don’t give a fuck, but they’re not staying here. I have enough shit happening in my life.”

“All right, I’ll be back in a little while.”

After a silent drive from the apartment, Jessica and the kids parked in front of the house again, and Jessica wondered who the car in the driveway belonged to. “Something happened today, and I’m going to move out and stay with a friend.”

“For how long?” Bailey asked.

“I don’t think I can come back here, guys, but I want you to know I love you.” She touched Bailey’s cheek and sighed when she slammed against the car door to get away from her. Bailey apparently wasn’t any fonder of her than she was of Tully, and Jessica figured this wasn’t the time for total honesty on her part. “We’ll work something out, but for now you’re going to have to stay with your mom.”

“That’s all you’re going to say?”

Jessica sighed. “This situation is between your mom and me, and not up for discussion.”

“You pull this random crap and we’re supposed to accept that it’s ‘not up for discussion.’ That’s not good enough.”

“Bailey, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t curse at me, and what happened was between adults. It had nothing to do with you or Ralph.”

Bailey reached up and slammed her fist down on the dashboard. “My bad. I keep forgetting we’re just the freaking last thing you or Mom are concerned about.”

When Ralph opened the door and got out without saying a word or asking any more questions, Bailey was surprised, even though she wanted nothing more than to sit there and insist until she browbeat Jessica into answering. She followed him to make sure he was all right because he didn’t beg Jessica to stay. She was even more surprised when she reached the back door and heard him screaming at Tully.

“Why did she leave? What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything, Ralph, and I’m assuming your mother told you why she left.”

Tully was standing at the island in the kitchen with a Coke can in front of her, along with her car keys. Bailey wondered if she had been planning to run away too, or if she had intended to come try to find them.

“She just said something happened, but it isn’t any of our business,” Bailey said. She pointed to the large cut and bruise on Tully’s face. “Is that part of what happened?”

“Your mom doesn’t want to be with me anymore, guys, but I’d never lift a hand against her. You know that.”

“Then what happened to you?” Bailey persisted.

“Her new friend and I had a little difference of opinion, but it’s not as bad as it looks.”

“That’s all you’re going to say?”

“Right now I can’t think of anything else I can say that’s going to make this any better or easier.”

“Typical,” was all Bailey said before she turned her back on Tully. When it was clear Tully wasn’t going to add anything new, she and Ralph went up to their rooms.

Tully left them alone, not wanting to push them into talking to her if they didn’t want to. She sat outside on a chaise lounge with a pack of cigarettes. At nine that night she heard the back door open behind her but no footsteps, as if the person was hesitant to approach.

“You came home and found her with someone else, didn’t you?”

“That isn’t a question you should be asking me, Bailey.”

“Why? You told me yesterday that if I answer questions in the most direct and respectful way I can, I’ll earn the respect I think I deserve.” Bailey even used the same inflection with which Tully had delivered the line.

Tully stubbed out the last stick in the pack and laughed so hard she started coughing. “So I did.”

“So answer it.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to, but right now the last thing I need is for you to blame me for one more thing. My face hurts, my head hurts, and I can only take so much in one day.” The tirade sounded childish to her own ears, but she was tired, hurt, and shell-shocked, so in a way she couldn’t help herself.

“What am I going to blame you for? You’re still here, she’s not.”

“She left me, kid, and you’re right about one thing—it has nothing to do with you.” Tully sighed and stared up at the stars. In the dark backyard, they were vivid in the cloudless sky.

“The problem is, though, she left me and Ralph too, and I know you don’t want…”

The unfinished statement made Tully swing around and face her daughter. “I don’t want what?”

“You probably think we should be with her instead of here bothering you, but she didn’t want us.”

Not caring if Bailey pushed her away, Tully hugged her close and held her. “No, Bailey Bean, I do want you here with me. Your mom and I are having problems, but that has nothing to do with how I feel about you.” She wanted to cry when her daughter slumped against her and accepted the comfort she was offering. “I love you with all my heart, even when you get really mad at me. Nothing you do in this life is ever going to change how I feel about you.”

“You sure? I’m kinda buggin’ about this, so you can imagine what Ralph’s going through. He won’t talk to me and I’m worried about him. Usually I have to slap him to get him to shut up.”

“I’m sure, baby.” She moved them toward the door. If Bailey was feeling this undone, then she was right, Ralph was a wreck. “We’re going to get through this just fine.”

“But you don’t know how to do anything.” Bailey sounded almost as lost as Tully felt.

“As long as the grocery doesn’t run out of Pop-Tarts we’ll be okay.”

She spent a good deal of time in Ralph’s room with him and Bailey, reassuring them of the future but steering clear of any subject that would turn them against Jessica. As angry as Tully was now, Jessica was still their mother. All three of them cried together and went to bed with a new fragile truce in place. Tully hoped the kids were more certain that although their place in the world was changing, they wouldn’t lose it.

“Mom, where in the hell are you?” Bailey called from the kitchen.

The high-pitched, panicked voice made Tully pop her head up from the sofa. “What’s wrong?”

“I went to your room looking for you and thought you’d left.”

Running a hand over her face, Tully tried to think of a reasonable way to explain why she’d rather eat hot coals than sleep in her bed. “Sorry, I just sat here for a little while and must’ve fallen asleep.”

“If you want I can get the guest room ready for you. I’m sure the maid put fresh sheets on the bed, but it’s been a while since anyone’s stayed in there.” Bailey moved closer and sat on the other side of the sofa. She’d seen the way the bed looked when she went in to find Tully and figured her assumptions from the night before were correct. Contrary to what her parents believed, sixteen didn’t equal stupid in some areas. “Until we decide what we’re doing, I can do that if you want.”

“You know something, kid?”

“If you don’t want me to help you through this, that’s just fine. I just thought you’d feel better if you talked about it.” Bailey folded her arms across her chest so she wouldn’t blow from anger.

“I was going to say that you’re really observant.”

“Maybe it’s just that you and Mama think I don’t have any brains for anything.”

Tully shook her head. “I can’t speak for your mother, but that’s not what I think of you at all. And last night I decided to let the maid go.” If Tully thought Bailey was going to object to the suggestion, the laugh she got instead surprised her.

“The drapes were Mama’s idea too. Are we ripping those out?”

“The maid was your mother’s idea, and the only time the woman can work herself up to talk to us is when it’s time to get paid. Getting rid of her isn’t going to be a real hardship, is it?”

Bailey poked Tully in the chest with her finger. “Not until you expect me to start vacuuming and cleaning up after Ralph in the bathroom. Get rid of her if you want, but we might need to talk.”

“Can I ask you something else?”

Bailey’s hair fell into her face when she nodded. “Whatever.”

The answer didn’t make sense to Tully, but she figured it was all right to ask her question. “Lately you’re so angry all the time…can you tell me why?” She winced when she stretched her back out. “I know you think I’m never around, but I get the impression that even if I was here twenty-four/seven, you’d still feel the same way about me.”

“I don’t hate you…not really. It’s just that…” Bailey’s arms seemed to tighten against her chest as if to delay the words. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Want to make a deal?”

Bailey nodded.

“When you’re ready to talk to me, and I mean really ready to talk, I’ll answer all your questions truthfully until you tell me to stop. I’ll do that if you’ll do the same.”

“Why would you agree to that?”

“Easy, because I love you. And if it takes laying myself bare for you to believe me, then it’s an easy deal to make.”

“I’ll think about it, because I might want more stuff out of the deal.”

“Ah, spoken like a true future attorney.”

“Could we do one question now just for practice before we finalize things?” Bailey asked.

“Just one?”

“I think it’s best to go slow.”

“Then ask away.”

“Mama told me that you never wanted to have children. Is that true?”

Tully was stunned to hear what Jessica was feeding the kids along with their nutritious breakfasts. “When your mother and I met, having kids had never crossed my mind,” she started, as hesitantly as she ever spoke.

“So it’s true?”

“Technically that’s your second question, so let me finish answering the first one before we move on to your version of the truth.” Tully helped Bailey off the sofa and led her into the kitchen. “When we met and started dating, I’d never considered having children. Later, I went along with the idea because she wanted kids so much.”

“So it’s true?”

Tully tugged on a strand of Bailey’s hair and smiled, trying to keep her quiet until she was done. “I remember when I saw your mom’s first ultrasound, then heard your heart beating. I fell in love with you right then. Once you were born I stayed up countless nights, without any sleep.”

“I had a lot of colic?”

“That’s four questions now, but that’s not why I lost sleep. I’d just go into your room and watch you. You had this thick head of hair, and I knew right then that you were the best thing I’d ever done.”

Bailey watched Tully as she spoke, especially the way her eyes were glued to the backyard as if she was trying to capture those memories.

“I never regretted having you or your brother in my life. You’ve always been my motivation to do good in the world so you’d be proud of me.” She shrugged and didn’t say anything else.

“Why haven’t you ever told me that story?”

“I have, about a million times. Only then you enjoyed hearing stories from me, and the sight of me didn’t repulse you like it does now.” Tully’s features relaxed. “Maybe you’re right, Bailey Bean. We should talk more often. I don’t want other people to tell you how I feel or don’t feel about you. If you want to know, just ask—deal or no deal.”

“You don’t repulse me, you know.” Bailey put her hands on the counter between them in an effort to stay calm, but she couldn’t help shifting from foot to foot.

“It’s okay to tell the truth, I’m not going to get angry. I haven’t up to now, have I?” Tully reached across the space between them and put her hands over Bailey’s. “I’m not very good at communicating my feelings, but that’s not your fault. I just want to know why you’re mad at me.”

“You’re never around anymore.”

“I’m home every night, but you’re right, I guess. I’m home, but I’m not really here.”

“Why is that?” Bailey turned her hands so that their palms slid together in a more affectionate way. She had her mother talking and wanted to keep it that way.

“Because I came home to a family that didn’t need me anymore, and I couldn’t find a way to accept that reality. You always ate out with your mom somewhere, then came home and couldn’t have cared less about talking to me.” Seeming tired, Tully sat down and sighed. “I’m sorry. That sounds rather childish, doesn’t it?”

“No, it sounds like you’re talking straight. I know you talk to Ralph sometimes, but I felt the same way you did. You never seem interested in what I’m doing or what’s going on in my life. I stopped talking to you because I thought you didn’t care about me.”

“Can I ask my question now?” The nod Tully received was so hesitant that she led Bailey around the kitchen counter and into the den. On the sofa she hugged her and just held her, expecting Bailey to withdraw quickly. The real surprise was that she didn’t. “Why do you look so unhappy when I drop you off at school, Bailey Bean?”

“I’m not…” Bailey buried her face in Tully’s shoulder in an obvious effort to keep from answering.

“It’s all right. If it’s too hard, don’t answer. But tell me if you want me to do something to make it better.”

“I don’t have any friends. This girl has made fun of me from day one, and she’s real popular so it stuck and everyone thinks I’m a total loser.” The words came out in a rush, muffled since her face was still pressed to Tully’s shoulder.

“There are plenty of good schools in this city, so if you want to transfer somewhere else we can start looking. I meant what I said about high school and being miserable. You should look back at this time with fond memories, not a sigh of relief that it’s over.”

“If I leave now that girl wins, doesn’t she?”

“It isn’t a contest, honey, but whatever you decide, you let me know.”

“Aren’t you supposed to make the decisions?” Bailey asked, sounding a lot better. It was the first time in forever that she had teased Tully.

“Tell your grandmother that when we visit her. I’m not young anymore, but she still feels it’s her duty to tell me what to do. From now on I’m going to make an effort not to do that to you. That is, unless you want to run off and become a juvenile delinquent set on drugs and mayhem. Then I might be making plenty of decisions for you, starting with locking you in your closet until you come to your senses.” She hugged Bailey closer, wanting to cry with joy because her daughter didn’t hate her. “Give me time to think of a good solution that doesn’t involve physical violence. Or I could come home early today and we can talk about it some more.”

Bailey hesitated, then said, “Or you could take us to work with you today to help us get over the trauma of our parents splitting up.”

“You know I haven’t had time to think about that.” I suppose I should feel bad about the fact that so many years of a commitment are over. “You won’t be bored to death at the office?”

“I’ll spend the day researching a paper due at the end of the month, and you can take us to lunch.”

“Just for today. Then we go back to a somewhat normal schedule.”

“Sure we will,” Bailey said, sounding like Tully was spinning fiction.

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