54. Mother’s day

Easter holidays were in three weeks. I couldn’t wait to see my parents again, although it was only for a day, stopping there on our way to Branislav’s family. Very little did I know that just in three weeks I would be back on my own. Mum’s situation deteriorated drastically and she was hospitalized again. Ana came home to help. We organized to be together, mum, dad, Ana, Joseph and me, for Mother’s day on 11 May.

This was a wonderful occasion to express our gratitude to mum. We bought flowers and small presents. We had so much to thank our mother for and this gave us an opportunity to verbalize it.

Not known to us children the date had another commemorative significance. It was 43 years of our parents’ engagement. This triggered many memories, and mum and dad shared their stories that we heard for the first time. Then the stories continued about the wedding, Ana being born, them moving from Osijek region to Stari Slatinik, how they bought their own property and were building the home in stages. We combed through their whole life together. Reflecting back stirred many emotions in mum as she was reliving those moments in life.

The following day dad and I went to visit mum. The plan was for dad to stay just for a short while and for me to spend the whole afternoon with her. When we arrived to the hospital my cousin’s wife Ann was with mum. They were in a deep conversation about flowers, mum’s favourite topic. Ann was telling her that she bought beautiful petunias on the market, she had never seen any as beautiful as those before. She described where they were sold and the lady selling them.

Mum had a request for dad, “Franc, have you heard it well who was selling the beautiful petunias? Please, buy two pots for me on the way home.” Dad looked at her rather upset, “You have so many flowers and two more won’t make any difference. I have to take care of them now anyway. Anyway, we need to be careful with money, save it for the dark days.” I didn’t like the way the conversation went. I looked at mum, but thought better not say anything. Soon after Ann and dad closed the door behind them, and before I had the chance to say anything, mum burst into laughter, “Your father is funny, aren’t they dark enough.” Both of us laughed.

We could always count on mum’s good sense of humor. It kept her going in the hardest moments of life. That way she used to put people around her at ease. “Your father is under much stress, don’t take it against him. I’m sure he’s going to buy the flowers just as I requested.” Indeed, mum was right. It’s good not to be offensive or pity yourself, and be judgmental of other people. Only a little understanding can make all the difference. I appreciated having a mother like that.

55. The best of your mum

Every day I came to spend time with mum in the hospital. The main consultant requested that a close family member comes to talk to him about mum’s situation. This was the medical ethic practiced in Croatia at the time. The doctors preferred to talk to the closest family members if the situation was serious rather than the patients directly. That way they wanted to protect the patients of additional stress and not crush their hope.

I came to the consultant’s office. There was already a patient there when he called me in. As he was examining a half naked man he was talking about mum’s situation. I felt uneasy, especially as he wasn’t even looking at me as he spoke. His attitude was unpleasant but the words hurt deeply, “This is the best of your mum that you see now. There’s nothing we can do for her.” I was left speechless.

I didn’t return to mum’s ward immediately. I needed time to process what I had heard and calm down. Mum looked extremely skinny and worn out. I couldn’t understand how much more she could deteriorate. She was dying and the consultant had no words of hope.

It was hard to accept these words when I know that God can do just anything and change any situation. He has done many miracles and I have witnessed some of them. Words of people requesting healing from Jesus, recorded in the Gospels, went through my head: just give the order; if you want to, you can make me clean; many addressed Jesus as Son of David, Son of God, Master to have pity on them.

Do we just let mum go? Do we need to accept the fact that there is time for everything as the wise Solomon said:

“1There is time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven,

2 a time to be born and a time to die,…” (Ecclesiastes 3, NIV)

In my disappointment I didn’t know what to say to mum and how to say it. I tried to postpone it as much as possible, but I knew she was waiting to hear the news from me. It was awful news.

As I opened the door mum’s sad and tired eyes read my body language. She just commented, “ The consultant is a good doctor, there are just too many of us, and sometimes he’s not so considerate.” She never asked further questions, for she felt herself that the prognosis wasn’t good. She knew that it would be hard for me to tell her what the consultant said, and I couldn’t say anything else but the truth. Instead she reached for a hymnal book she enjoyed reading and showed me the last section. “They are funeral songs, aren’t they?” I just nodded my head. She continued, “They are beautiful and full of hope. Sleeping in Christ, but not eternally, only until His soon coming.” In a gentle way mum let me know that she understood her situation perfectly well.