2. A journey home

I left my home, also my birthplace, at the age of 14 to go to boarding school in Dvorac Marusevec, about 260 km away in northwest Croatia. There I met my husband Branislav, a kind and god-loving Serb, from Backo Gradiste in Vojvodiana. At the same time that I finished secondary school, he also finished his pastoral training and we got married on 1^st September 1985. Our life journey took us to Newbold College, Binfield in England, just three weeks after our wedding.

We stayed on our honeymoon for seven years, very much engaged in studying. In four years Branislav completed his BA and MA in Theology, and I got my BA in History. We stayed another three years while doing further studies; Branislav worked on his doctorate from Birmingham University and I completed an MA in European Studies at Reading University. Living in England was like being immersed in history; with castles and well-preserved old buildings reflecting the past. Being close to London gave us the chance to visit museums and places of culture. However, the greatest memory of staying in Berkshire is our daughter Miriam Corrie who was born in Ascot on 6 March 1991.

Two years, from 1992 to 1994, we spent at Stanborough Park Boarding School where we worked, and in the meantime Branislav completed his doctorate. Somewhere between our work and studies our second daughter Natasha Carmen was born in Watford on 18^th April 1994.

At the time we were ready to return home, our homeland was not on the map of Europe anymore. Yugoslavia was fragmented and our countries were at war. It seemed an absurd, but God led us to another conflict torn country. On 25^th August 1994 we landed on the shores of Ireland, known as country of saints and scholars and bombs. We spent the first six months in Enniskillen county Fermanagh. The landscape is so beautiful there that we had a feeling we entered a mystical fairyland. At the time of the events described we lived in Banbridge in County Down, that we learned to love dearly.

Every year we tried to go home and visit our families. During the war between the Serbs and Croats it was hard for Branislav to go to Croatia but we kept close family ties. Every journey home was a special treat for us. Days before going home I would already sense the sweet smell of my childhood meadows and the freshness of the oak forests. Images of beautiful vineyards and orchards that surrounded my home would dance in my thoughts.

But this time everything was different. I was torn between two worlds. I had never before left my husband and the children for three weeks. However, they were trying to support me, and this became a teamwork project, helping grandparents in such a difficult situation. I dreaded what was ahead of me.

My younger brother Joseph, age 27, met me at the Zagreb airport; a tall, strong young man in a special police uniform. We had hardly reached his army jeep when both of us started crying like two small, lost and desperate children. His words, “It’s just a matter of time,” pierced my heart.

Ana prepared me for a big change in mum. “ She has changed a lot, lost a lot of weight, looks old.” Mum was 58. To me she was always fit and enthusiastic. Not this time. Her body was frail, but the illness could not wipe away the love from her face to make me feel welcome home.