Examples of Filtering Skill Building

Choose the examples that apply to your personality characteristics, and practice.

• I am an introvert. I get angry when someone states the obvious or repeats what has already been said. I need to be patient when negotiating with people who do this, because they are not intending to annoy me. They are different from me.

• I am an intuitive. I am impatient with details and I cannot stand it when someone cannot see the big picture. I need to be patient when negotiating with a sensor, because details are important to him or her. In order to get through to a sensor, I must present details.

• I am a sensor. I can anger people when I interrupt to insert or correct facts. When negotiating with an intuitive, I must remember that we have to discuss more than details. We must discuss goals and broad issues.

• I am an intuitive. When dealing with a sensor, I must be aware that he or she wants specific questions and specific answers.

• I am a sensor. When dealing with an intuitive, I must be aware that he or she looks for the meaning of things. I must appreciate the intuitive's need to think of concepts and to be relational.

• I am a sensor. I must replace the word "you" with "I". Rather than saying "Your numbers are wrong," I must say, "I looked at it differently".

• I am a judger. I know when I am right. I think about things before I make up my mind. I have no tolerance for disagreement or alternatives. If something is worth doing, it is worth doing right. I need to recognize that my way is not the only way. When negotiating with perceivers, I must allow them to have their own views. I must realize that they speak of their ideas and perceptions. Not everything they say represents their judgment or final view.

• I am a perceiver. I can see all sides to an issue. When I, voice alternatives with a judger, I create anger. I must make it known that I am contemplating out loud, and I must increase the importance of resolving issues expeditiously when I negotiate with a judger.

• I am a judger. When dealing with a perceiver, I must make an effort to collect and consider new and additional information that may affect my ultimate decision.

• I am a perceiver. I must make a conscious effort to come to closure on issues.

When Conflict Arises in Negotiation

• Privately consider whether the dispute is due in whole or in part to temperament and personality differences or is a conflict on a substantive matter or issue.

• If the problem is only one of personality/communication differences, relate to the other person on his or her terms and in his or her language.

• If conflict persists despite the filtering attempts, determine and agree on what is in dispute.

• Then proceed with negotiation on that issue (or proceed with understanding that there was not a real dispute). К conflict escalates at any time, call time out.

Remember that the minimal features of conflict include values, meanings, attributions, communication and, most importantly, inter­dependence. Also remember that interpersonal skills will make you look like a genius, and genius is often perseverance in disguise!