Compassion

Incidentally, the term "compassion" has two intimately related senses, defined relative to moral empathy and moral nurturance. To "feel compassion" is to experience empathy. To "show compassion" is to act nurturantly on the basis of compassionate feelings. There are, of course, limited forms of compassion that result from the limitations that occur on empathy and on nurturance, as when you limit compassion to those who share your values and those whom you perceive as community members.

Moral self-nurturance

You can't care for others adequately if you don't care for yourself. An important part of the morality of nurturance is the requirement of self-nurturance, taking care of one's own basic needs: maintaining one's health, making a living, maintaining interpersonal relationships, and so on. The morality of nurturance and self-nurturance can sometimes be in a precarious balance, when the sacrifices needed to nurture others conflict with taking care of oneself.

It is important to distinguish self-nurturance and self-interest. Self-nurturance is necessary for any adequate moral functioning. Self-interest goes considerably further to the satisfaction of desire, most typically the desire for money and power. These are rather different notions. A selfish person is one who puts his self-interest ahead of the needs of those he has a duty to nurture or to share with. But someone who simply attends to his most basic needs, who makes self-nurturance a prerequisite to the nurturance of others, is not selfish. Someone who puts the nurturance of others not only ahead of his self-interest but also ahead of his self-nurturance is selfless.

Selflessness is not always what it seems. Though we are taught that selflessness defines saintly behavior, the reality can be quite different. First, selflessness, by moral accounting, imposes moral debts upon the people that the selfless person takes care of. Second, the selfless person, in putting the nurturance of others above self-nurturance, may suffer a decline in health or other capacities and may, because of his selflessness, ultimately have to be taken care of himself. This may impose a considerable burden on others – especially the people he has previously taken care of. Thus, selflessness may impose a considerable cost on those one is selfless towards.

For these reasons, the Morality As Nurturance metaphor implies that self-nurturance is a moral necessity.

Morality as social nurturance

There are two varieties of moral nurturance, one about individuals and the other about social relations. When disputes arise or when one person acts unfairly or harms another, social ties can be disrupted or broken. If community members are to empathize with one another and be nurturant toward one another, those social ties must be constantly mended and maintained. The link between nurturance and the maintenance of social ties can be stated as follows:

• Moral Agents Are Nurturing parents.

• Social Ties Are Children Needing Care.

• Moral Action Is the Nurturance of Social Ties.

Much of what we know about the nurturance of children then applies, by this metaphor, to social ties, making our attitudes toward social ties conform to our knowledge about nurturance:

• To act morally, one must attend constantly to social ties.

• One may have to make sacrifices to maintain social ties.

• People who can maintain and mend social ties have a duty to do so.

• It is wrong not to maintain and mend social ties.

The morality of social nurturance is by no means the preserve of women. Anyone who is "diplomatic," who sees the primary moral need as working constantly for compromise and the maintenance of community is living according to this metaphor.

It is important to realize that the Social Nurturance metaphor and the Moral Nurturance metaphor may sometimes contradict each other, even though they form a natural pairing. This occurs when you have to maintain social ties with people in your community who do not believe in or operate by the Moral Nurturance metaphor. Compromising with such people for the sake of maintaining social ties may require compromising on moral nurturance.