Drinking

My son, I 8, has taken to drink. Every day after school, he stops off at a bar with some of his boy friends, and takes a slug of whisky. At this point, he is not a confirmed alcoholic nor anywhere near that stage, but I see the trend and I’m worried stiff. Is there anything I can do now?

When a lad of 18 takes to whisky, there is something sadly lacking in his immediate environment. To drink com­pulsively always denotes an escape from reality.

Of course, I have no idea of what his private troubles are. I think the best course would be to have him take some therapy—if he would agree; but it would be hopeless to send him to therapy if he opposed the idea. You, his par­ents, cannot possibly know the precise reasons that drive him to the bottle, but a good analyst might be able to make conscious some of the hidden miseries that make him seek the alcoholic escape.

A man supported by a good sound philosophy of life can feel courageous about his personal situation despite his daily round of troubles; but a man who feels inferior may have to drink to feel a similar courage. If a man is timid by nature, a few drinks may make him feel brave. If his daily environment is dull and tawdry, a few whiskies may cata­pult him into a more rousing world, a world in which he is someone of importance. The strong man takes a drink in his stride; the weakling must drink on and on because, when sober, the real world is just too much for him.

In a case of young alcoholism, the locus of attention must be: What are the inner demands that drive your boy to drink? Does he feel himself inferior to his mates? Have you, his parents, demanded too much from him? You should ask yourselves: “What is our boy trying to forget? and why? What have we done to make him seek comfort in a bar? Have we really helped to make his life as full and as happy as possible?” I have known instances of young men taking to drink because their parents kept nagging them about getting on in life . . . “You must stick to your books if you want to succeed in life.”

The answers won’t help you too much now—for the most part, they’ll be coming too late.

No, in a case like this, I suggest psychological treat­ment.

I am a high school student in New York City. I am 16 years old. A strong social atmosphere prevails in the school I go to. I have been invited to co-ed parties by all my girl friends. It is really my turn now to have a party. My mother is willing to provide such a party, but she adamantly re­fuses to serve beer. At every one of the parties that I have been to, if is customary to serve beer and the boys and girls expect to have beer at their parties. I myself am not so fond of beer, but I would feel deeply embarrassed if I didn’t provide beer for those who want it. I have told my mother that unless she is willing to serve beer, I would rather not have the party at all. So far, she has remained as steadfast as the Rock of Gibraltar. Can you explain this to me?

If my daughter wanted to have a beer party, I’d gladly supply the beer. It may be that behind your mother’s re­fusal lies a fear that alcohol will loosen your teenage self-control and then there may he a pregnancy- Could he, of course, yet were I your mother I’d risk the beer to retain your affection.