188#Don’t speak of him,’ she cried violently. ‘That would be the last straw.’

‘I only want to tell you that for your sake I’m sorry he died.’

‘Shot in cold blood by his German jailers.’

‘Perhaps in time you’ll grieve for him less. You know, when someone you love

dies, you think you’ll never get over it, but you do. Won’t it be better then to

have a father for your child?’

‘Even if there were nothing else do you think I could ever forget that you are a

German and I’m a Frenchwoman? If you weren’t as stupid as only a German

can be you’d see that that child must be a reproach to me as long as I live. Do

you think I have no friends? How could I ever look them in the face with the

child I had with a German soldier? There’s only one thing I ask you; leave me

alone with my disgrace. Go, go–for God’s sake go and never come again.’

‘But he’s my child too. I want him.’

‘You?’ she cried in astonishment. ‘What can a by–blow that you got in a

moment of savage drunkenness mean to you?’

‘You don’t understand. I’m so proud and so happy. It was when I knew you

were going to have a baby that I knew I loved you. At first I couldn’t believe it; it

was such a surprise to me. Don’t you see what I mean? That child that’s going

to be born means everything in the world to me. Oh, I don’t know how to put

It; it’s put feelings in my heart that I don’t understand myself.’

She looked at him intently and there was a strange gleam in her eyes. You

would have said it was a look of triumph. She gave a short laugh.

‘I don’t know whether I more loathe the brutality of you Germans or despise

your sentimentality.’

He seemed not to have heard what she said.

‘I think of him all the time.’

‘You’ve made up your mind it’ll be a boy?’

‘I know it’ll be a boy. I want to hold him in my arms and I want to teach him

to walk. And then when he grows older I’ll teach him all I know. I’ll teach him

to ride and I’ll teach him to shoot. Are there fish in your brook? I’ll teach him

to fish. I’m going to be the proudest father in the world.’

She stared at him with hard, hard eyes. Her face was set and stern. An idea, a

terrible idea was forming itself in her mind. He gave her a disarming smile.

‘Perhaps when you see how much I love our boy, you’ll come to love me too.

I’ll make you a good husband, my pretty.’

She said nothing. She merely kept on gazing at him sullenly.

‘Haven’t you one kind word for me?’ he said.

She flushed. She clasped her hands tightly together.

‘Others may despise me. I will never do anything that can make me despise

myself. You are my enemy and you will always be my enemy. I only live to see

the deliverance of France. It’ll come, perhaps not next year or the year after,

perhaps not for thirty years, but it’ll come. The rest of them can do what they

like, I will never come to terms with the invaders of my country. I hate you and

I hate this child that you’ve given me. Yes, we’ve been defeated. Before the end

comes you’ll see that we haven’t been conquered. Now go. My mind’s made up

and nothing on God’s earth can change it.’

He was silent for a minute or two.

‘Have you made arrangements for a doctor? I’ll pay all the expenses.’

‘Do you suppose we want to spread our shame through the whole

countryside? My mother will do all that’s necessary.’

‘But supposing there’s an accident?’

189#And supposing you mind your own business!’

He sighed and rose to his feet. When he closed the door behind him she

watched him walk down the pathway that led to the road. She realized with

rage that some of the things he said had aroused in her heart a feeling that she

had never felt for him before.

‘O God, give me strength,’ she cried.

Then, as he walked along, the dog, an old dog they’d had for years, ran up to

him barking angrily. He had tried for months to make friends with the dog,

but it had never responded to his advances; when he tried to pat it, it backed

away growling and showing its teeth. And now as the dog ran towards him,

irritably giving way to his feeling of frustration, Hans gave it a savage brutal

kick and the dog was flung into the bushes and limped yelping away.

‘The beast,’ she cried. ‘Lies, lies, lies. And I was weak enough to be almost

sorry for him.’

There was a looking–glass hanging by the side of the door and she looked

at herself in it. She drew herself up and smiled at her reflection. But rather than

a smile it was a fiendish grimace.

It was now March. There was a bustle of activity in the garrison at Soissons.

There were inspections and there was intensive training. Rumour was rife.

There was no doubt they were going somewhere, but the rank and file could

only guess where. Some thought they were being got ready at last for the

invasion of England, others were of opinion that they would be sent to the

Balkans, and others again talked of the Ukraine. Hans was kept busy. It was not

till the second Sunday afternoon that he was able to get out to the farm. It was

a cold grey day, with sleet that looked as though it might turn to snow falling in

sudden windy flurries. The country was grim and cheerless.

‘You!’ cried Madame Périer when he went in. ‘We thought you were dead.’

‘I couldn’t come before. We’re off any day now. We don’t know when.’

‘The baby was born this morning. It’s a boy.’

Hans’s heart gave a great leap in his breast. He hung his arms round the old

woman and kissed her on both cheeks.

‘A Sunday child, he ought to be lucky. Let’s open the bottle of champagne.

How’s Annette?’

‘She’s as well as can be expected. She had a very easy time. She began to have

pains last night and by five o’clock this morning it was all over.’

Old Périer was smoking his pipe sitting as near the stove as he could get. He

smiled quietly at the boy’s enthusiasm.

‘One’s first child, it has an effect on one,’ he said.

‘He has quite a lot of hair and it’s as fair as yours; and blue eyes just like you

said he’d have,’ said Madame Périer. ‘I’ve never seen a lovelier baby. He’ll be just

like his papa.’

‘Oh, my God, I’m so happy,’ cried Hans. ‘How beautiful the world is! I want to

see Annette.’

‘I don’t know if she’ll see you. I don’t want to upset her on account of the

milk.’

‘No, no, don’t upset her on my account. If she doesn’t want to see me it

doesn’t matter. But let me see the baby just for a minute.’

‘I’ll see what I can do. I’ll try to bring it down.’

Madame Périer went out and they heard her heavy tread clumping up the

stairs. But in a moment they heard her clattering down again. She burst into

the kitchen.