A truly bizarre death

On 23 March 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he had died from a shotgun wound of the head. Opus had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide (he left a note indicating his despondency). As he fell past the ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast through a window, which killed him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the decedent was aware that a safety net had been erected at the eighth floor level to protect some window washers and that Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide anyway because of this.

Ordinarily, a person who sets out to commit suicide ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he intended. That Opus was shot on the way to certain death nine stories below would not have changed his mode of death from suicide to homicide. But the fact that his suicidal intent would not have been successful caused the medical examiner to feel that he had homicide on his hands.

The room on the ninth floor whence the shotgun blast emanated was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing and he was threatening her with the shotgun. He was so upset that, when he pulled the trigger, he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the window striking Opus.

When one intends to kill subject A but kills subject B in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject B. When confronted with this charge, the old man and his wife were both adamant that neither of them knew that the shotgun was loaded. The old man said it was his long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her; therefore, the killing of Opus appeared to be an accident. That is, the gun had been accidentally loaded.

The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple’s son loading the shotgun approximately six weeks prior to the fatal incident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son’s financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother.

The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.

There was an exquisite twist.

Further investigation revealed that the son [Ronald Opus] had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother’s murder. This led him to jump off the ten-story building on March 23, only to be killed by a shotgun blast through a ninth story window.

The medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.

Finish the sentences.

1. If Opus hadn’t jumped from the top of the building, __________ 2. If the workmen hadn’t erected a net ___________ 3. Had there been no net __________ 4. If Opus hadn’t got shot in the head __________ 5. If the old couple hadn’t argued on that day __________ 6. If the old man hadn’t threatened his wife with a gun __________ 7. If the old man hadn’t been so upset __________ 8. Had the old man known that the gun was loaded __________ 9. If the old man hadn’t had the charming habit of threatening his wife with a shotgun __________ 10. If the old man had really had any intention to kill his wife __________ 11. If the old couple’s son hadn’t loaded the gun __________ 12. If Mrs. Opus hadn’t cut off her son’s financial support __________ 13. If young Opus hadn’t known of his father’s habit __________ 14. If Mr. Opus had killed Mrs. Opus __________ 15. If the son hadn’t been tired of waiting for his mother’s death __________

163. Open the brackets using the verbs in the proper form.

Sam and Becky are celebrating their 50^th wedding anniversary. Sam says to her, ‘Becky, you (mind 1) if I (ask 2) you a question? I was just wondering – have you ever cheated on me?’

Becky replies, ‘Oh Sam, I’d rather you (not ask 3) me such embarrassing questions. Why would you want to know after all those years?’

‘Becky, please, I rather (know 4) for sure…’

‘Well, all right, three times.’

‘Three? Well, when were they?’ he asked.

‘Well, Sam, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Do you think the president (come 5) over the house and (sign 6) the papers if I (not have 7) a little fling with him?’

‘Oh, Becky! I wish you (tell 8) me about it before. I respect you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me! So, when was number 2?’

‘Well, Sam, remember when you needed that very tricky operation on the heart? Dr. DeBakey never (agree 9) to do the surgery himself if I (not talk 10) him into it in my own female way. Do you think you (be 11) in good shape now if you (not have 12) that operation then?’

‘Oh Becky, I never (think 13) that I had such a wonderful wife! I couldn’t be more moved! So, all right then, when was number 3?’

‘Well, Sam, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short…?’

164. Fill in each of the gaps with one suitable word.