English Grammar Workbook for "dummies" - Geraldine Woods
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274 Part VI: The Part of Tens
Being Stingy with Quotation Marks
Whether you’re writing for school, work, or personal reasons, honesty requires you to credit your sources. Lifting someone else’s words, dropping them into your own writing, and omitting the quotation marks is as dishonest as passing the teller a note demanding all the money. In school such practices earn “F” grades; in work or public life, you may be sued. The solution is simple. If it’s not yours, credit the source, as I have in this example, in which I cite a nonexistent author: As Martin Sherman writes, “Plagiarism is a fatal wound to the body of knowledge.”
Using Pronouns Incorrectly
Pronouns — noun substitutes such as he, they, all, other, neither, and the like — are governed by more rules than the citizens of a fanatical tyrant. Even if you don’t know every fine point, you should never neglect the basics: Pronouns should replace one and only one noun, and that noun should be clearly identifiable. Don’t use an object pronoun in a subjectpronoun spot. Singular pronouns should replace singular nouns, and plurals match with plurals. (Check out Chapters 3 and 10 for details on these issues.)
Placing New Words in the Wrong Context
New words seep into your vocabulary gradually. First, they begin to look familiar when they show up in something you’re reading. Later, you recognize them as old friends. Later still, you feel comfortable using them in your own sentences. Don’t skip any of these stages! Every teacher, including me, has received papers from someone who memorized the “100 words most likely to show up on standardized tests” and who is determined to get as much mileage out of them as possible. The problem is that the nuances of a word’s meaning are hard to grasp from a list or a couple of encounters. Let me assure you that premature use of vocabulary can be really embarrassing. You may find yourself, as one of my students did, writing about “New York City’s government suppository of documents.” (Hint: A suppository is a way of getting medicine into the body without a needle or a spoon. Look it up.)
Letting Slang Seep into Your Speech
It ain’t that slang is a total bomb. In fact, slang can be bad — the real bee’s knees. But if you don’t have the 411, you may miss the boat.
That paragraph contains a mixture of slang from several different eras. You may have recognized one of the slang expressions and missed another. Therein lies the problem. Slang changes fast, so fast that no one can possibly keep up. If your reader understands that bad in the sentence above is slang for “good,” fine. But the reader who grasps that concept may not realize that bee’s knees is a term for the latest, best fashion. By the way, 411 means “information.” Ain’t is a corruption of “isn’t,” and total bomb conveys “failure.” Bottom line: A writer who uses slang risks confusion. Also, slang sounds informal; if you want to impress a boss or a teacher, it’s not the best vocabulary to employ.
Chapter 22: Ten Errors to Avoid at All Cost 275
Forgetting to Proofread
Even if you finished the paper or project only ten minutes before you have to cram it into the mailbox, take the time to proofread your work. Yo maye ffind tat som latters are nut where they sould be, not to mentione. punctuation,
Relying on Computer Checks for Grammar and Spelling
You can’t cash them in, but computer checks are popular anyway, and you should remember to glance at them as you write. (I’m referring to the red and green lines that show up on the screen to alert you to a possible mistake.) I have to admit that sometimes they actually help, but they’re not 100 percent accurate. First of all, plenty of eras slip through. (See what I mean? That last sentence should read plenty of errors.) Secondly, the computer often identifies a mistake when the sentence is actually correct. I get little wavy lines lots of times, and as you have figured out by now, I’m prefect. Er . . . perfect.
Repeating Yourself
In conclusion, at the end of this chapter, I would like to state and declare that saying the same thing more than once repetitively is a real drag, an annoyance, and a pain. Don’t — do not — repeat, because repetition isn’t a fun or enjoyable way to pass the time. Repetition will send your reader away fast and quickly, not to mention rapidly. Shall I reiterate the point? Once is enough.
276 Part VI: The Part of Tens
Appendix
Grabbing Grammar Goofs
How sharp are your eyes? This appendix is the grammatical equivalent of an optometrist’s chart. If you can see it with 20/20 vision, you’ll spot 30 mistakes in each
of the four exercises. Of course, after you spot the errors, your mission is to correct them. The errors may involve faulty structure or word choice, punctuation, capitalization, and anything else the English Grammar Workbook For Dummies covers.
Exercise One
Figure A-1:
A scary sample course description that needs some work (in more ways than one).
Sneak a peek at the college catalogue (from a university that exists only in my mind) in Figure A-1. This course description has many faults — 30, by my count. Your count may differ slightly depending on how you group your answers. Don’t worry about numbers — your mission is to search and destroy the mistakes.
6901 World Domination (3 credits): Professor Peck, Mr. Lapham, Ms. Austin. One two-hour lecture period per week is required. Three periods of fieldwork per week is also required.
This course on world domination and dictatorship involve both lecture and that they put into practice what students will learn. A student will report to their faculty advisors once a month. Everyone must keep a journal of revolutions started, governments overthrown, and peasants’ oppressed. Readings include Karl and Groucho Marx’s masterful essay, “Laughing All The Way to The Throne”, and Chairman Mayo’s autobiography, Hold the Bacon. This is sure to interest students who’s career plans are to be an emperor; tsar; dictator; or reality-show winner. By the time the course concludes, students have gathered all necessary information about what it takes to rule the world. We will be discussing topics like propaganda, media manipulation, and telegenic coronation clothes (including crown-jewel selection). Working in the field, spy networks will be set up, this will count as a quarter of the grade. The students’s task is to outmaneuver everyone in the course by becoming the first to conquer a hostile country that is required for graduation. Exams also emphasizes real practical skills, and theoretical ideas. Students only write two papers.
Admission to this course and it’s sequel (Universal Domination) are by permission of the Department of Politically Science Irregardless of age or class rank, applicants should be as motivated than the average freshman and should try and visit the departmental office for an interview.
278 English Grammar Workbook For Dummies
Exercise Two
The letter from a made-up publisher, in Figure A-2, is full of errors. Try your hand at correcting all 30.
Figure A-2:
A sample letter from a publisher (with a lot of mistakes, so you know it must be fake).
Higgen Publishing Company
459 elm Avenue
Bronxton, VT 05599
October 31, 2006
Mr. Chester Slonton
33 Warwickville Road
Alaistair, CA 90990
Dear Mr. Slonton:
Thank you for sending us your novel, “The Lily Droops at Dawn.” To read over 1,000 pages about a love affair between plants is a very unique experience. In your talented hands, both of the plants becomes characters that are well-rounded and of great interest to the reader. Before Mr. Higgen, whom you know is our founder, commits to publishing this masterpiece, I must ask for some real minor changes.
Most of the editors, including Mr. Higgen, was confused about the names. You are absolutely right in stating that each of the lovers are in the lily family, scientifically they have similar characteristics. Calling the lovers Lila and Lyle would not of been a problem if the characters were distinguished from one another in personality or habits or appearance. Unfortunately, your main characters resembles each other in petal color and height. True, one of the lilies is said to be smartest, but the reader doesnt know which.
A second problem are the love scenes. You mention in your cover letter that you can make them more lengthier. Mr. Higgen feels, and I agree, that you write vivid; nevertheless, we think you could cut them alot without losing the reader’s attention. After all, once a person has read one flower proposal, he or she has essentially read them all.
Finally, the ending needs work. When the lily droops, the book ended. Are you comfortable with a tiny change. Market research shows that books with happy endings appeal to the readers, whoever he or she may be. These volumes sell good. Instead of drooping, perhaps the lily could spread it’s petals and welcome the dawn. Or become a rose.
Higgen Publishing would like this novel for their fall list. I hope that you are open to the changes I had outlined in this letter. I cannot help but mention that Higgen Publishing is probably the only publisher with experience in plant romance volumes I look forward to having talked with you about the editing process.
Sincerely,
Cynthia Higgen
Appendix: Grabbing Grammar Goofs 279
Exercise Three
Figure A-3:
A sample newspaper article with a plethora of errors.
Try your hand at editing the newspaper article in Figure A-3. You should find 30 errors, including some in the quoted material. (If you’re quoting someone who makes a grammar error, you may usually leave the error in the quotation in order to convey someone’s style or personality. For the purposes of this exercise, however, correct every mistake.)
Hold the Tights: a Former Television Star Plays Shakespeare
Silver, the actor that played a talking horse on the Emmy-winning series Mr. Said is now starring in the Royal Theater production of “Hamlet.” The handsome blond recently agreed to discuss his approach to acting. It were never about talking, in Silvers’ view. As he had munched oats and sipped delicately from a water pail, the colt explained that he learned to talk at the age of one. Him talking was not fulfilling enough, only acting met his need for recognition.
“I started by reciting monologues for whomever would listen,” he said. Then one day I got a call from a Hollywood agent offering me the part of Mr. Said.” Tossing his mane in the air, Silver continued, “I plays that role for nine seasons. You get typecast. Nobody want to take a chance on your dramatic ability if they can find someone else for the role.” He added, “Sitting by the phone one day, it rang, and my agent told me that I had a audition.” That audition resulted in him getting the part. Silver is the only horse that have ever played Hamlet, as far as he knows.
The actor has all ready began rehearsals. His costume includes a traditionally velvet coat but no tights. “Between you and I,” he whispered, “the tights snag on my fur.” Director Ed Walketers asked Silver to consider shaving, and he also tried several types of material for the tights. Even Silver’s wife got involved in this key costuming decision. “No one tried harder than her to find tights I could wear,” Silver said. Nothing was suitable for this extremely unique situation.
Silver is equally as involved with the role itself. “I relate to Hamlet’s problems,” he explained. “Us horses often find it hard to take action and being decisive.” The role is also exhausting; Silver lays down for a quickly nap everyday before going onstage as Hamlet.
280 English Grammar Workbook For Dummies
Exercise Four
Figure A-4:
The world’s biggest headache inducer: A sample of a poorly written computer manual.
Don’t you hate computer manuals? The one in Figure A-4 is even worse than the usual techno-babble because it contains 30 mistakes. Correct them!
Installing You’re New Widget Wheel
To install the widget wheel, a computer should first be turned off, then follow these simple steps.
Important: If you have an A4019 or a newest model, please discard this manual. You must have sent for manual number 218B, or, in the case of a computer that previously has a widget, for manual number 330B. Being that your computer is not covered in this manual, discard it. Faulty directions have been responsible for explosions and that software crashed.
1.Unpack the widget wheel which looks like a sharks tooth.
2.Unpack the two disk poles. Grasp the disk pole that is more circular. Lining up the teeth with the teeth on the widget. Note: Teeth should be brushed everyday with a WidgetBrush. see enclosed order form for more information.
3.After the teeth are tight clenched, a person should insert the widget disk into slot C. However, if the widget disk has a blue strip, in which case it should be inserted into slot D. Don’t mix up the slots as the computer will catch fire. Neither of these slots are open when the computer is standing upright. Sit the computer on its side before beginning this step.
4.Turn on the computer. If the screen is blank call the service specialist at 914-555-5039. If
the screen blinks rapid from red to green (or from blue to yellow in model 2W4T), run further from the screen. This means the widget was installed improper; the computer is all together unusable.
5.You are almost ready to enjoy your new widget!! Place a hand on the mouse that is not wearing any rings, including wedding rings. Depending upon the model number, either press firmly or softly. Some widgets can work good no matter what the pressure.
Appendix: Grabbing Grammar Goofs 281
Answers to Exercise One
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In the following figure the errors from the original course description are boldfaced and crossed out, with a possible correction following each one, as well as an occasional addition of a missing word or mark. All corrections are boldfaced and underlined. Check the corresponding numbered explanations that follow the revised course description.
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6901 World Domination (3 credits): Professor Peck, Mr. Lapham, Ms. Austin. One two-hour |
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This course on world domination and dictatorship involve involves both lecture and |
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that they put into practice practical application of what students will learn. |
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A student |
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journal of revolutions started, governments overthrown, and peasants’ oppressed. Readings |
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include Karl and Groucho Marx’s masterful essay, “Laughing All Tthe Way to Tthe Throne,”, and |
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Chairman Mayo’s autobiography, Hold the Bacon. This reading list is sure to interest students |
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who’s whose career plans are to be an emperor;, tsar;, dictator;, or reality-show winner. By the |
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time the course concludes, students will have gathered all necessary information about what it |
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takes to rule the world. We will be discussing topics like such as propaganda, media |
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manipulation, and telegenic coronation clothes (including crown-jewel selection). Working in the |
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this fieldwork will count as a quarter of the grade. The students’s students’ task |
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that is required for graduation is to outmaneuver everyone else in the course by becoming |
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the first to conquer a hostile country that is required for graduation. Exams also |
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emphasizes emphasize real really practical skills, and theoretical ideas. Students |
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only write only two papers. |
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Admission to this course and it’s sequel (Universal Domination) are is by permission of the |
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Department of Politically Political Science. Irregardless Regardless of age or class rank, |
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applicants should be as motivated than as |
the average freshman and should try and to visit the |
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departmental office for an interview. |
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27
282 English Grammar Workbook For Dummies
a The subject is three periods, a plural, so the verb (are) must also be plural. b The subject course is singular, so the verb (involves) must also be singular.
cTo keep the sentence parallel, the noun lecture should be coupled with another noun, not with a subject/verb combo.
dThe practical application is simultaneous to the learning, so future tense isn’t what you want. Go for present (learn).
eThe paragraph refers to students (plural), so a shift in one spot to singular is inappropriate. Also, a student should never pair with their, because singulars and plurals don’t match.
fThe original sentence includes the possessive peasants’ for no valid reason. The possessive form should be linked to a noun, but here it precedes a verb form (oppressed).
g In titles, articles (such as the in this title) shouldn’t be capitalized.
h When a comma follows quoted material, the comma is placed inside the closing quotation mark. i In the original sentence the pronoun this is vague. Insert the clarifying expression, reading list. j The contraction who’s means “who is,” but the sentence calls for the possessive whose.
kItems in a series are separated by semicolons only when one or more of the items contain a comma. In this series, no item contains a comma, so semicolons aren’t necessary.
lA future deadline (by the time the course concludes) calls for future perfect tense (will have gathered).
mLike excludes the items listed and refers to items that are similar. In this sentence the listed items are examples and should be preceded by such as.
nThe original sentence contains a dangler, working in the field. An introductory element containing a verb form must refer to the subject, and spy networks aren’t working in the field. Reword the sentence so that the students are working in the field.
oTwo complete sentences may not be joined by a comma. Substitute a semicolon or make two sentences.
p The pronoun this is too vague all by itself. Substitute a noun (fieldwork) to clarify the meaning.
qTo create a possessive form for a plural ending in the letter s, just add an apostrophe, not an extra s.
r The student is in the course and so must be compared to everyone else.
sIn the original, this misplaced description seems to say that a country is required for graduation, not the task. Descriptions should be close to the word they describe.
t
u
The plural subject, exams, requires a plural verb, emphasize.
The description practical should be intensified by an adverb (really), not by an adjective (real).
vIf you unite two complete sentences with the word and, a comma precedes the and. If you unite two of anything else (in this sentence, two nouns — skills and ideas), no comma precedes the and.
Appendix: Grabbing Grammar Goofs 283
wThe descriptive word only should precede the word being compared — in this case, only two as compared to three or four or whatever the professor assigns.
x
y
Possessive pronouns have no apostrophes.
Admission is singular and takes a singular verb, is.
AThe adjective Political describes the noun Science. Politically is an adverb and may describe only verbs (speaking politically) or other descriptions (politically inexperienced).
B
C
A statement should end with a period, which is missing in the original.
Irregardless isn’t standard English. Substitute regardless.
DAs and than don’t belong in the same comparison. An as comparison is for equal items and a than comparison for unequal items.
ETry and implies two actions, but the sentence refers to one that should be attempted. The proper expression is try to.