Scene 3

(Болото, дом, сидит Осёл и входят Шрек и Фиона)

Shrek: Hey, Donkey, what are you doing here?

Donkey: Oh, hi Shrek! I ‘ve been guarding your lovely house! I watered those plants and also I fed your fishes!

Shrek: I haven’t got fishes!

Donkey: Now you have. I’ve called one Shrek, and another – Fiona.

Shrek: Donkey, thank you for such help, but… we need to… the place here.

Donkey: Ok, do it! (смотрит на них с некоторым умилением)

Shrek: And we need to be by ourselves now…

Donkey: Ok!

Shrek: Alone…

Donkey: I’ve got it! (всё ещё смотрит)

Shrek: Just me and Fiona…

Donkey: Ah, you mean, I must go… (уныло)

Shrek: Yes.

Fiona: Go back to your dragon, I think she’s waiting for you!

Donkey: Well, you know, she is now moody, maybe I’ll stay with you. (снова смотрит)

Shrek: Go! (указывая на дверь)

Donkey: (понурив голову) Ok, yeah, who need a donkey, yeah…(уходит)

(Шрек пытается поцеловать Фиону, но его перебивает стук в дверь)

Shrek: What?

Donkey: Please, maybe you’ll let me in… (смотрит)

Shrek: NO!!!

(Снова пытается поцеловать и снова стук в дверь)

Shrek (разъяренно): What now?!

(уходит за кулисы)

Shrek: Donkey, I’ve already said no!

Donkey: Then what will you say to them?

(Шрек возвращается на сцену, за ним глашатаи с трубами, все трубят и один после этого пытается что-то напеть, но главный глашатай его перебивает)

Herald (читает): Princess Fiona! You and your charming (осматривает Шрека, затем продолжает читать) husband have been invited to the Far Far Away to have benediction of the king and the queen of that country – your parents.

Fiona: What?

Shrek: What?! No, I’m not going!

Fiona: What? Why?

Shrek: You see, I don’t look like a CHARMING HUSBAND!

Fiona: That doesn’t matter, at least they’re my parents! They will welcome us with an open heart!

Shrek: And with sharpened pitchforks!

Donkey: When are we going?

Shrek: We are not going anywhere!

Fiona: Yes, we are!

(занавес)

Act II

Scene 4

Author:

So, they arrived

To the Far Far away,

And Shrek was so nervous

About that day.

They arrived on a square

There were many people,

And there was such silence,

When they appeared.

Everybody was shocked:

“The princess is an ogre!

And her “charming” husband

Is like a green rock!”

Even the King and the Queen

Were surprised; no! shocked, too,

They tried to be polite

As a man with an ogre could be

And then, there was supper,

Shrek, Fiona, Queen, King.

And in the middle of the meal

In the Hall rushed a strange being.

(медленно уходит, снова пересчитывая деньги)

Scene 5

(зал, за столом сидят Фиона Королева, и Шрек, напротив Короля, оба смотрят другу на друга с некоторой злостью, слышится голос Осла “What?! I’m a friend of the princess’ husband!” и входит Осёл)

Donkey: You see, they don’t want to let me in! Do they know who I am?

(долгая пауза, все пытаются есть, а Шрек никак не может справится с вилкой и его еда летит во все стороны)

Queen: So, do you think about having children?

(Шрек поперхнулся)

Shrek: Children?

Fiona: Children?

Shrek: Well, we haven’t thought about children…

King: Of course you haven’t done it while swimming in your dirty place!

Shrek: Do you mind something?

Queen: Please, Calm down.

(долгая пауза)

Queen: So where do you live? In what castle?

Shrek: Ah… ee… Our place is in the Magic forest. There are many interesting beautiful… squirrels!

Queen: Squirrels?

Shrek: Yeah, squirrels…

Donkey: Oh, you mean the swamp!

Shrek: Donkey! (Фиона и Шрек смотрят на него с укоризной)

King: A swamp! The right place to live in for…

Shrek: For whom? Tell it!

(в это время Шрек и Король начинают переносит свой гнев на еду)

King: For ogres! For this (с чувством) dirty..

Shrek: Yeah!

Fiona: Shrek!

King: Green…

Queen: Dear, what are you saying?

King: Impolite creatures!

Shrek: At least we are happy together!

King: Of course!

Queen: Stop it!

(Фиона убегает)

Queen: You, both, stop it! (К Королю) Perhaps, you haven’t noticed, but YOUR daughter is an OGRE, too!

(занавес опускается)