The stereotype of the only child is harsh - spoilt, over-protected, egocentric and lacking in independence and social skills. Is there any truth in this?

Well, research suggests that the biggest single problem faced by only children is their sense that people perceive them in this stereotypical way! They often feel out of place in a society that assumes it's normal to have siblings; though this perception is changing as families get smaller.

Apart from this sense of being "different" there is not much evidence that only children suffer unduly from the expected problems such as over-dependence, being unable to share etc. Certainly, these thing can arise in small families, but most children soon outgrow them, especially if their parents encourage them to be sociable and self-reliant. In fact, statistically only children are slightly more likely to succeed academically and in the workplace.

However, there is one problem often reported by only children, especially later in life: it can be a very lonely state. Many people deeply regret not having had siblings as they grow older.

Surely parenting is parenting whether you are raising an only child or half a dozen children. Well, not quite.

Fifty years ago about 10% of households in the United States were single child households and the perception of the only child was that he or she was often spoiled, lonely and socially inept. Today that figure has more than doubled to over 14 million children and the perception of the only child has changed markedly.

Only child parenting is immensely rewarding and there are many advantages to being able to focus your attention on the development of just one child. Most of us lead extremely busy lives these days and it is not always easy to devote the time that we would like to our family, but things are certainly a bit easier with just a single child. Bringing up children can also be a very expensive business and you may well be able to provide an only child with many things which you simply could not afford if you were trying to provide for several children.

Perhaps the most obvious advantage that you can often give an only child is that of a good education. Private education is horrendously expensive today and, while many families can afford to find the funds necessary to educate one child, meeting the cost of education for two or more children is often simply out of reach.

But there are of course two sides to the coin and there are also a few difficulties of only child parenting.

As human beings we are naturally social animals and many of the skills which we need in life are learnt through interaction with others and, in particular, from others within our own age group. This means there is tremendous value to be gained from the lessons which we learn from our brothers and sisters and from their experiences. It also means that we benefit from being a part of their wider circle of friends.

This element is of course missing in the one child family and, while the added attention from a loving and caring parent is certainly to be welcomed, it is no substitute for the lessons we can learn from a wider group of children within our own age bracket.

This brings with it special problems for only child parents so, throughout the pages of this website, we will not only try to look at the general problems presented by parenting, but will also examine the special difficulties that face those coping with only child parenting.

Advantages of being an only child

The parents of an only child can often afford to provide more material aids and comforts than would be possible if there were other children in the family. However, the only child is no more liable to be 'spoiled' in this sense than other children are. Emotional indulgence is far more damaging to the only child and much more common. The main advantages in being an only child, however, are emotional and intellectual; for example, they do not have to complete for the parents' affection.

The evidence indicates that single children are high-achievers (as are firstborns) in most careers. In general, they learn to walk and talk so that as they grow older and attend school they are good conversationalists, do well in school work and are average in sports. The difference between academic and sporting performance may be the result of the single child's tendency to amuse itself reading, drawing and talking when alone, whereas excellence in sport is often influenced by physical play with other children at a very early age.

All children on their own will tend towards quiet activities involving dolls, trains, reading, writing, painting and so on. The only child spends far more time on his own than do most and by eight or nine years old is often a prodigious reader, regarding books and their characters as 'friends'. It is obvious, therefore, that being an only child tends to encourage intellectual prowess, creative activities, good language skills and mature social responses.

This paper examines the phenomenon of birth order as it particularly relates to only children. Only children are unique in birth order in that they are the first- and last-born children in their families. Various theories of prominent psychologists such as Adler, Freud, Skinner, and Eysenck will be examined in their application to the importance of birth order in personality development. A theory concerning only children will then be presented, dealing chiefly with their difficulty with the labels of introversion and extraversion. Personal observations as well as a proposal for testing the theory will be given.

Procreation has been an essential task for all human beings in order to continue the existence of the species. Before the advent of modern medicine and birth control, common sense would dictate that females would give birth to a large number of children, helping to ensure that at least one would survive to adulthood and thus create children of his or her own. However, as time has passed, humans have become able to control the number of children they have. Many choose to have more than one child, some choose to have none at all. Still others choose to have only one. Whatever the decision, the number and order of birth of human offspring seems to have at least a small effect on their personality development. Only children are special cases and must be looked at in a slightly different manner.

Birth Order and Its Repercussions

Adler and Birth Order

Adler (Weiten, 1998), best known for his theories regarding striving for superiority, was also concerned with the effects of birth order on personality. Adler had a successful older brother, but Adler was weak as a child and thus was most likely affected with the desire to assert himself and prove his worth.

Adler's theory stressed the social aspect of personality development and therefore proposed the possibility of birth order and its significance in the interpersonal relationships of family life. He felt that each position in the order, whether first or last, had distinct characteristics. For example, he hypothesized that firstborns are problem children and that only children are likely to be spoiled due to parental overindulgence (Weiten, 1998, pp. 483-484).