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Whatever He Says Goes (2)

Mr Goldrobber made it a rule to read all the advertisements and his wife thought it was terrible waste of time. But she was wrong.

One day Mr Goldrobber came across a very funny piece of information.

“Come over here,” he shouted, spreading The Times. “Just read this! It looks like a misprint to me!”

Mrs Goldrobber was a practical woman, she read the advertisement and thought there was no time to lose.

The advertisement said: “A new Rolls-Royce for sale. £20 only.”

“I can’t say whether the seller is mad or drunk, but what I do know it’s worth while trying. Go there at once and make sure,” said Mrs Goldrobbi to her husband. It took him over an hour to get to the place.

When he rang the bell a lady in black answered the door and Mr Goldrobber said:

“I’ve just read your advertisement, Madam, and I believe you’ve got a new Rolls-Royce for sale for twenty pounds.”

“This is quite right.” Said the lady with a smile.

Mr Goldrobber wrote out the cheque, signed it and handed it to the lady who seemed pleased.

“I’m afraid you’ve got to take it away with you within 24 hours,” she said.

“Certainly, I can take it away with me right now,” said the man, still not believing his eyes and not knowing whether he was standing on his feet or his head, “but I hope you wouldn’t mind tell­ing me what the trick is.”

“There is no trick here.” Said the woman, as she opened the garage door and pointed to the car for which she could get several thousand pounds. “You see, my husband died last week, but before the death he made me promise I would sell the car at once and give the money to Christina Killer, his private secretary.”

As Mr Goldrobber said nothing, obviously sur­prised by the story, she continued with a smile:

I come from a God-fearing family, and the last will of a dying man is a sacred (священный) thing to me.

Caged (2)

after Lovell Reeve

Purcell was a small, fussy (суетливый) man. He owned a pet shop. He sold cats and dogs and monkeys. He considered himself something of a professional man. The customers who came in said: «Aren’t they cute! Look at that little monkey! They’re sweet».

It was a wet, wintry day. Having completed his usual tasks, Mr. Purcell again mounted the high stool and opened his morning paper. He glanced at the day’s headlines. There was a bell over the door that rang whenever a customer entered. This morning, however, for the first time Mr. Purcell could recall (вспомнить), it failed to ring. Simply he glanced up, and there was the stranger, standing just inside the door, as if he had materialized out of the air. From the first instant (момент) he knew instinctively, that the man hated him; but he rubbed his hands, smiled and nodded.

«Good morning», he said. «What can I do for you?»

The man’s suit was cheap, but obviously (очевидно) new. He had a shutting glance and close-cropped hair. Ignoring Purcell for the moment, he looked around the shop.

«A nasty morning», volunteered the shopkeeper. «I see by the paper we’re in for a cold snap (период). Now what was it you wanted?»

The man stared closely at Purcell and said, «I want something in a cage».

«Something in a cage?» Mr. Purcell was a bit confused. «You mean ... some sort of pet?»

«I mean what I said!» snapped (отрезал) the man. «Something in a cage. Something alive that’s in a cage».

«I see», hastened (поспешил) the storekeeper, not at all certain (уверенно) that he did. His eyes narrowed. «Now let me think. A white rat, perhaps? I have some very nice white rats».

«No!» said the man. «Not rats. Something with wings. Something that flies».

«A bird!» exclaimed Mr. Purcell.

«A bird’s all right». The customer pointed suddenly to a cage which contained two snowy birds. «Doves? How much for those?»

«Five-fifty», came the prompt (быстрый) answer. «And a very reasonable (разумная) price. They are a fine pair».

«Five-fifty?» The man was obviously disappointed. He hesitantly (с сомнением) produce a five-dollar bill. «I’d like to have those birds. But this is all I’ve got. Just five dollars».

Mr. Purcell made a quick calculation, which told him that at a fifty cent reduction he could still get a profit (прибыль). He smiled kindly «My dear man, if you want them badly, you can certainly have them for five dollars».

«I’ll take them». He laid his five dollars on the counter. Mr. Purcell unhooked (снял с крючка) the cage, and handled it to his customer.

«Listen». The staring eyes came closer. «How long do you think it took me to make that five dollars?»

«Why ... why, how long did it take you?»

The other laughed. «Ten years! At hard labor. Ten years to earn five dollars. Fifty cents a year».