Schuman S. - The IAF Handbook of Group Facilitation (2005)(en)

experience. For example, we may discover that we are irritated because of wanting care and consideration for everyone in the group. Becoming aware of our underlying feelings and needs and allowing ourselves to experience them fully, however briefly, is often all it takes to be able to make a conscious choice. We may then choose to maintain silence, express our irritation and the underlying care it signals, or offer some reflection on group process, for example. The more we know about what needs are alive in us, the more options we have for choosing whether and how to try to meet our needs. Having more options and more awareness benefits the group and its process.

When we learn to tune into our feelings and needs, we are likely to discover many other needs that are not specific to the process of facilitation, such as our needs for acceptance, love, protection, and safety, to name a few. (See Kaplan, 1985, for further discussion of other needs we bring with us to the facilitation task.)

To use one example, White, in her discussion of the challenge of facilitating participation, describes a common occurrence: “You become overwhelmed by the charge to use participatory approaches and soon revert to an ‘expert’ status for protection” (1999, p. 338, emphasis added). Instead of becoming aware of the need for protection and making choices about how to meet it, the facilitator in this example acts on the need without awareness, thereby making choices that likely conflict with her or his own intentions and hopes for the group.

Transparency is most effective when we have made a conscious choice to reveal some of our inner process to the group based on clarity about how doing so will contribute to the group’s process. To achieve such clarity requires both self-knowledge and reflection on the connection between what we are about to reveal and the purpose for which the group has gathered.

Again, using Andy’s story, having participated in the group exercise, he could have reflected on his feelings and needs during that particular exercise and inquired inside himself whether sharing those feelings with the group at that time would support the group purpose, which was to learn about how to connect with one’s own feelings and needs. Such reflection might well have led him to conclude that the specific content of his feelings could easily distract people from that task into anxiety about the content of what he said, and he might have chosen not to take a turn when people shared.

Conversely, Joan’s choice of sharing her feelings with the group came from her assessment that the purpose for which she was asked to come was not being served: students were not expressing themselves at the level that she and the teachers had

hoped. Joan chose to give voice to her feelings and needs because of her assessment, or hope, that her doing so would bring the conversation to a deeper level.

What makes transparency effective is not necessarily the specific content of what we are transparent about but the relationship of that content to the purpose at hand. For example, I co-led a year-long leadership training program in which we train participants in the skills needed to teach NVC. One of the key facilitation skills in teaching NVC is making conscious choices about the teaching through rigorous self-exploration. In teaching the leadership program, I often share with the group the nuances of my internal process of making decisions moment by moment. For people learning to facilitate, sharing at this level has been a rich and powerful model of what they are trying to learn.

However, if I were working with a group that has a different purpose, my offering the same information about my decision-making process could be enormously confusing and even irritating. Attention to process and content at the same time, the hallmark of facilitation, is most definitely an acquired skill. Participants new to self-reflection or even to being facilitated may lose track of what is going on and feel anxious, confused, distracted, or bored.

Continuing to Hold the Whole While Sharing

The fundamental stance of facilitating is one of split awareness of self and of the group. As facilitators, we need to track what is happening inside us and be attentive to the needs of participants and the dynamics of the group as a whole at the same time. Once we have identified a purpose for self-disclosure, we need to determine our capacity to stay on both of these levels at once even while being transparent. This capacity to maintain split awareness is a large component of what Kaplan refers to when he suggests that we need “to know how to regulate communication” of information about ourselves (1985, p. 472).

Even if we start sharing our inner process with a clearly identified purpose, we can easily get lost while speaking as other needs come alive in us. For example, in expressing her pain and frustration, Joan was hoping to convey to the students the depth of her caring, and thus to contribute to their willingness to come forth and express their concerns. However, once she began to speak, Joan could (although in real life she did not) touch needs for understanding, connection, or acceptance and lose her focus on the purpose of her sharing in an unaware attempt to get those other needs met.

With experience, we can learn how to assess our capacity to remain on two levels at once. We can develop discernment about how much of ourselves we can touch and reveal before losing our capacity to hold the whole. Before and during sharing an inner experience, we can ask ourselves, for example: “Can I talk about this painful feeling in myself and maintain my split awareness, or will I disappear in the feeling and lose my attention to others? Can I tell this story without losing track of the main thread of the moment?”

Tracking Participants’ Capacity to Contain Transparency

Whatever our inner experience, however relaxed, confident, and present we are in sharing our experience, we also need to be aware of the capacity of group members to hear our openness and maintain their own focus and sense of safety, trust, and empowerment.

For example, transparency about our decision-making process often serves to build trust and to empower participants. However, with less experienced groups, our attempts to share with participants our process of making decisions might lead to an interpretation of indecision or weakness on our part, and thus to mistrust in our capacity to navigate the group.

Both before and while speaking about ourselves, we need to assess where the group is and whether participants are likely to receive what we are about to share, or what we have already shared, in a way that is consistent with the purpose of sharing. Even if we do not know ahead of time the skill and capacity of group members, our own ability to notice the effects of our sharing on the group will give us information about our next choices. For example, if while sharing his feelings Andy had noticed discomfort in the group, he could have changed course while speaking or taken measures afterward to increase trust in the group.

One particular risk of expressing our own feelings and needs is the possibility that group members may think that they must somehow do something about what we have shared, thereby becoming distracted from paying attention to the purpose at hand. To address this risk, close attention to what we do with what we just shared and what requests we make of the group is paramount. If group members expect neutrality, authority, and self-control from us, they may become quite agitated and nervous when hearing our feelings and seeing our human vulnerability. People who are not accustomed to seeing the humanity of facilitators, or of leaders more generally, may derive part of their sense of safety from having someone whom they

trust to be the authority. Such expectations on the part of group members do not mean that we must avoid sharing ourselves altogether. Such expectations do, however, require us to be flexible about how far to go and skillful about how to maintain the sense of safety in the group. With enough awareness and skill, we can prevent outcomes such as the one Andy experienced.

The most challenging feelings to reveal effectively are any fears or anxieties we experience while facilitating. Even if we are relaxed about our fears, we can lose the trust of the group if participants believe that our fear is overwhelming and detracting from our ability to conduct the meeting effectively, as Andy’s example illustrates powerfully. With feelings of fear and anxiety in particular, but also more generally, effective use of transparency requires finding a way to bring our inner confidence across so participants can be relaxed about our expressions and trust that we can still handle the situation. Clearly, to convey that confidence requires having it in the first place, based on having enough experience and trust in ourselves to know that we can navigate the situation.

Tracking Myself to Know How Much Is Relevant in This Moment

Having identified our purpose in speaking about ourselves, part of our split awareness involves continually assessing and reassessing how much self-expression is relevant to the purpose at hand and whether what we have said already is enough to accomplish the purpose.

For example, one of the skills I teach in my NVC workshops is self-empathy: the capacity to articulate within myself to myself my own feelings and needs as a way of stepping out of judgments and gaining deeper self-connection. For people new to NVC, this practice is often mysterious, and modeling it supports learning, integration, and understanding for them. When modeling, however, I am careful to choose how deeply to go into my own experience, so that I can share something authentic and yet am able to contain it. At that point I stop, because my purpose of modeling has been accomplished, and going further would shift the focus into my own healing, which is not part of the purpose at hand.

As another example, let us say I have a reaction to something happening in the group, and my assessment is that sharing that reaction will contribute to group process. An example of this transparent facilitation is by calling attention to some dynamics in the group that have not yet been approached. I still need to clarify in my own mind how much of my reaction is relevant to the moment and to the

purpose at hand, rather than to my own issues with whatever is happening that I am reacting to. Sharing the latter is no longer likely to support the group; it is in fact likely to derail the group’s focus and may even diminish the level of safety in the group.

THE NUTS AND BOLTS OF TRANSPARENCY

Once we make the decision to be transparent about our inner experience, knowing how to express ourselves increases the chances that our purpose will be served and decreases the risk of loss of connection, focus, or trust in the group. NVC supports transparent facilitation, with key skills required for communicating our inner experience effectively.

I have already alluded to the importance of connecting to our feelings and needs as a way of assessing our purpose and our capacity to maintain a dual focus. This capacity is key to making choices, as well as for effective communication of our inner experience.

In addition to communicating our feelings and needs to the group, transparent facilitation includes clearly articulating what we want back from the group and being able to differentiate observations from evaluations. The complete process of self-expression in NVC includes the following four components:

•Purely descriptive observations free of evaluations

•Our feelings, free of judgments and thoughts

•Our needs separate from any specific strategies

•Clear requests about what we want back from the group

The following sections highlight some examples of how these and other skills contribute to transparent facilitation.

Ending Expressions with a Clear Request

When I discussed Andy’s experience with him, we quickly realized he did not tell the group what he wanted from them in response to his sharing. Indeed, when he was done speaking, he thought that he did not have any request. When I think I do not want anything back from a group, or do not know what it is, I see it as an indication that my choice is not yet clear enough about why I want to share of

myself. In such moments, I wait until I have full clarity about what my purpose is and what response from the group would support me in knowing if my purpose got accomplished.

Further discussion with Andy indicated he knew what he did not want from the group: any reassurance or help around any of his feelings. Saying that to the group would not be enough, however. It is vitally important to find what we do want back rather than only what we do not.

Knowing what to ask from the group offers us an effective feedback mechanism for assessing whether our purpose in disclosure was met already, is still being met, or is not likely to be met at all. Here is what Andy said at the time: “I am feeling a little anxious stepping into Janet’s group, because I want to have the confidence that my leading the group tonight will contribute to your learning.”

Without asking the group for something after this expression, it is not surprising that his fears were realized. If Andy had taken a moment to consider his purpose in sharing his feelings from the exercise that everyone did, he might have either decided not to share those feelings or found a specific purpose.

Given several observations—that this was Andy’s first time with this group, that participants came to learn skills, that this was only their fourth of thirteen weeks in this class, and that the feelings he was about to share were the most challenging for a group to hear (the facilitator’s discomfort about her or his facilitation)—I would find it unlikely that any sharing he did in that moment could support the group process.

Still, on reflection, Andy may have found some purpose for expressing his feelings, most likely before or after everyone else shared. For example, he might have considered his sharing to be a way of bringing up any discomfort he might have guessed was present in the room. In that case, once the exercise was complete, he might have expressed himself as follows: “I am feeling a little anxious stepping into Janet’s group, because I want to have the confidence that my leading the group tonight will contribute to your learning. Would anyone tell me if you have any concerns about my facilitating instead of Janet?”

This expression, whose beginning is identical to the one above, ends with a specific and clear request. By acknowledging in his request that participants may indeed have concerns about his presence and inviting them to share any they had, Andy communicates to the participants that he is comfortable enough in his role to hear their discomfort if it arises.

Alternatively, Andy may have discovered a different purpose, such as contributing to equality and trust in the group. In that case, he might have said, “During the exercise, I explored some of my feelings of vulnerability. In this moment, I’d like to share what I discovered with you, because I am hoping my doing so will create more trust and equality between us. I’d like to see by a show of hands how many of you would like me to do that now.”

In this case, Andy checks with the group before expressing fully his feelings. Once participants are invited to check in and see if they are comfortable with the idea of hearing from him, a level of reflection about his sharing is then present in the room, and proceeding is a joint choice rather than based solely on the discretion of the facilitator. However, this way of expressing himself leaves open important questions Andy would need to consider before choosing to proceed: If only some people raise their hands, what will he do? Is he up for engaging with those who did not raise their hand? If he is not and he chooses after all not to share with the group, will others be disappointed? Once again, reflecting on what he wants back, and whether his request is clear, specific, and doable, will go a long way toward assisting him in choosing whether to express his feelings.

As another example, if I choose to share a story about my own life to illustrate a point, and thus contribute to learning or inspiration, I might end my story by inviting reflection: “I’d like to hear from one or two people your sense of what I was hoping to illustrate by sharing this story.”

Developing a habit of ending any of my expressions in the group with a clear request of what I want to hear back contributes to clarity, understanding, and movement in the group. Without it, chances increase that I will make decisions that are not fully serving the needs of the group. This can include losing some people, going in a direction that is not supporting the group without having mechanisms for the group to communicate that to me, or losing the thread of interest and connection, which is vital to the very trust people would have in my facilitation.

Making a practice of ending my expressions with clear requests is useful even when I assess that continuing to reveal myself is no longer contributing to the group. I can still check my intuition with the group by requesting feedback from them about it. What I then say may sound something like this: “I would like to stop what I am doing right now and instead go back to our agenda, because I don’t trust that pursuing it further would contribute to the group. Is anyone still incomplete with what I have said so far?”

However, the practice of ending each expression with a clear request is not a rule, and important exceptions exist. For example, in the opening story of this chapter, Joan shared her feelings and needs with the group within the context of a talking circle, and several of the students still had their turn after she was done. That context does not lend itself to making requests. However, Joan can and did state what she wanted even though she did not put it in the form of a request. She simply articulated her strong wish and hope to hear from the students what was really going on.

In addition, I want to be mindful of how often I check in with the group before proceeding with what I want to do next. If I am confident what I am doing is contributing to the group, or if I am confident people will speak up if their needs are not met, I am more likely to continue without checking with the group. Similarly, if I assess that there is not enough safety and trust in the group for people to respond honestly to my requests, or if my requests are likely to trigger a lengthy discussion, I may choose to rely more on my own assessments rather than checking with the group. When and how to make requests of the group is an essential ingredient of the art of facilitation, independent of how much we reveal of ourselves.

Owning Any Feedback We Give to the Group

As Kiser suggests, “Many groups finally get to the heart of an issue only when the facilitator is willing to state what he or she is feeling at that moment” (1998, p. 23). When I facilitate, expressing my feelings is in itself a powerful feedback mechanism for the group, a remarkable mirror, and an opportunity to see the effect of their actions on another. At the same time, depending on the levels of experience and maturity of group members, such expressions may trigger reactions or concerns on the part of group members and have the potential to derail the group process.

Providing feedback to a group entails both observing behaviors and evaluating them. Thus, we need skills for differentiating between observations and evaluations, describing behavior in nonevaluative terms, and taking full responsibility for our evaluations. Without specific competencies in all these areas, participants are much less likely to make use of our feedback and instead take offense, become upset, or withdraw from participation.

Kaplan offers several examples of what he considers to be observations about participant behaviors: “inauthentic, domineering, incongruent, or unassertive” (1985, p. 469). However, I consider these to be evaluations rather than purely descriptive observations. In fact, when presented with this dilemma of describing behavior, many of us are hard-pressed to find concrete observations of behavior that lead us to make our evaluations. What is it that we see someone do or say that we might call “domineering”? Is it that we saw the person start speaking several times in a meeting before others were done? Is it that when someone else puts forth a new idea, she or he expresses disagreement with it? Being able to observe behavior before evaluating it contributes immensely to people’s ability to hear our feedback without defensiveness.

Kaplan recommends, when giving feedback, supplementing observations with “a comparison of that behavior with a social norm” (1985, p. 469). His presentation implies that social norms are clear and that we can reach shared agreement about whether a norm is followed. My own assessment is that we compare behavior to our own sense of values and norms, while often assuming that such norms are universally shared. Any time we give feedback to the group that is not a strict observation, we are, in fact, engaged in revealing aspects of our inner life, which may include our feelings and needs as they are known to us, as well as our values or our core beliefs. What this means is that much of what we say involves sharing of ourselves, and the choice we have is whether to be open about it or mask this disclosure with statements that appear to be neutral or objective. For example, when noticing that one of the participants is bringing up a new issue, we might say something like this: “Addressing what Joe said in this moment is taking us away from what we already agreed to do today. Let’s stay focused on the task at hand.”

This statement seems to be objective, and thus maintains the appearance of neutrality. However, it runs the risk of alienating Joe and possibly others in the group. In addition, opting for this form of feedback misses the opportunity to tap into the group’s power of making agreements and then making conscious choices about whether to keep them. To express this feedback in a way that recognizes our subjective experience might sound like this: “I am uncomfortable taking time right now to address what Joe said, because I want to support the group in completing a task as well as in keeping to our agreements. I also want to support your choice in the matter, so I am willing to address Joe’s issue if this is what you all want. I’d like

to see by a show of hands how many people would like to take more time now to discuss this item.”

This expression owns both the feelings (discomfort) and the needs (supporting the group’s process), and invites the group to participate in deciding what happens next. Involving groups not only in content decisions but also in ongoing process decisions supports group empowerment, which is one of the key purposes of facilitation. This practice also prepares the group for the challenge of standing up to the facilitator or working together without an experienced facilitator.

Fluidity in Switching Between Expressing

Oneself and Reflecting Others

One of the key skills of facilitation not highlighted in this chapter is the skill of reflective, empathic listening. The capacity to discern and check with participants our understanding of the underlying feelings and needs behind their statements is vital to making progress in a group, especially in charged moments. When we also want to bring into our facilitation the practice of sharing more of ourselves, one of the key skills we need to learn is to notice when we are paying attention to ourselves and express that separately from our empathic reflection of what participants are saying. If we mix self-expression and reflective listening, we run the risk that both will lose their potential for greater connection with the group and for contributing to the group. Consider the following example:

Facilitator: Jane, I really understand your concern about long-term effects of this policy proposal and how much you care about patient well-being, and I am worried that taking more time with it right now will not move us toward greater understanding in the team. How about if we come back to it later, after we have addressed the immediate issues of information sharing we are looking at?

When Jane hears this, she is not likely to experience being understood and therefore is very unlikely to be open to hearing the rest of what the facilitator says. Separating the two parts provides an opportunity to connect fully with Jane’s concern, and potentially also to gather more information relevant to facilitation choices. Consider this alternative:

Facilitator: Jane, are you concerned about the long-term effects of this policy proposal because of how much you care about patient well-being?