1Reviews and everything / Domestic violence analytical review Phil Donahue
.docAlex Kvartalny @ flamedragon27.blogspot.com
Group 501
Analytical Review on Phil Donahue’s TV Talk-Show Domestic Violence
Domestic violence has been a major problem in many families. Battering husbands live a double life: on the one hand they are normal people who go to work, go to church, pay their taxes and socialize but they hide their real identity. Domestic violence occurs on many different levels, for instance, the abuse can be verbal, emotional, physical. One of the problems with domestic violence is that many cases go unreported. However, the problem has been dealt with for some time now. The legislation has changed in order to tackle the issue. Certain bills have been passed to prevent women from being victimized and revictimized, to increase penalty for misdemeanour, to simplify the procedure of informing the police of any acts of violence. Protection orders have been granted to the victims. Also, acts of reinstitution have taken place. Counselling and shelters have been extremely helpful in dealing with the issue. Most importantly, however, is the fact that the society has realised the dander that this matter poses and takes preventive steps.
In one of his shows Phillip John "Phil" Donahue, an American media personality, writer, and film producer, best known as the creator and star of The Phil Donahue Show, the first tabloid talk show, tries to understand the possible reasons for battering, and also suggests solutions to the problem of domestic violence. It’s worth mentioning that the show had a 26-year run on U.S. national TV, preceded by three years of local broadcast in Dayton, Ohio, before ending in 1996. His shows have generally focused on issues that often divide liberals and conservatives in the United States, such as abortion, consumer protection, civil rights and war protests.
The first guests in the studio are Jill and Terry who seem to be a loving couple. But unfortunately they used to have problems. At first Jill thought Terry was her "prince Charming", but her opinion changed when he started to beat her up, every sixth months at the beginning, then every two months. He often punched her in the head, sometimes knocked her down. When she tried to call the police, half the time they did nothing, since she did hot have "a protection from an abuse order". The fact that she did have very clear marks of abuse on her body was not taken into consideration. When they hauled Terry away, he would usually be back within three hours’ time. Generally, as Jill admits, it got to the point when she called the police every time Terry opened his mouth; and so she did not mind anymore if he was there or if he was arrested. The beating continued, but Jill did not file for a divorce and stepped out. She simply put up with it and lived with it. She was so helpless and vulnerable mainly because she was raised that way. However, she occasionally thought about killing Terry, and once even struck him back, but it did not make her feel better, she was still emotionally hooked. Terry even asked her several times to hit him, as he deserved it, but she simply could not do it. The reason for this is very simple: she loved him and still loves him. They both admit that they have been through a lot together and are very committed to each other. That's why nobody has taken off so far, because it's not that easy. To solve their problem, they started going to a marriage counsellor together, and they feel that things are totally different now. Jill says she does not have to put up with abuse anymore; she's a lot stronger now. Terry admits he's now trying to control his feelings especially that of anger, which is the cause of his trouble, but it's very difficult since he was raised with it, thinking that hitting gives you power and control. They both believe that counselling helps them become happy and devoted to each other again.
Phil Donahue's next guest is Michael. And his domestic problems also arise from the fact that he was raised in an abusive household. Having grown as a victim and having had no chance to express himself, he came to the conclusion that in order to avoid being the victim in the future you have to be a victimizer yourself. And he started to victimize his wife. It began already after six months of living together. The thing is that originally he depended much on his wife for happiness, and it was she who he looked to for happiness. So, when he was not happy, he blamed her for this, saying that it was her fault. He started to take depression out on her. At first he beat her viciously, but he always apologized for it later convincing her that he was really sorry. But as he admits, he simply manipulated her, he was very good at it and always told Jill what she wanted to hear. But later his beating escalated into sexual violence: in his anger he would often force his wife to be intimate with him according to his instructions. He knows that was a demeaning thing, but he still did it since he was a humiliator.
He just wanted to control, feel power, do what he wanted to do whenever he wanted, because he wanted. He states he would do the same thing even if he had not been a drug addict. Eventually, he was sentenced for 33 months for a spousal assault in the state correction institution, but he was reclassified for good behaviour. When in prison, he had an intensive therapy, but he's sure that like an alcoholic he'll never be cured (even before he went to prison, he had been involved with ADVANCE - A Treatment Faculty for Batters - and to his opinion that was quite beneficial).
Phil’s next guest, Ted, was married for 18 years, with three children, but is now separated. The reason is still the same: violence towards his wife and even children. Strangely enough, this had started even before he got married. However, the abuse only escalated; his wife was often seen with a black eye, a bloody lip or blood running out of her nose; he often pulled her by her hair. One day, fed up with all this, his wife picked up the phone and called the state police. When they arrived, his wife was crying, and he himself was sitting on a couch, drinking soda and watching TV. That was how he got his first sentence in prison - 30 days. Later on calls to the police and his sentences became a usual thing. But prison never stopped him from abusing his wife. Ted couldn't clearly define the source of his aggression - it was like a demon that ran around his brain. Violence had been a part of Ted's childhood, too. He had always been afraid. Violence was his way of showing fear. He would lash out anger and hit. When Ted got depressed he got angry. He took what his wife used to say as bitching and nagging, it all blew up one time, he couldn't deal with it, and it was his way of shutting her up at once so that he wouldn't have to listen to her. Ted couldn't tell what he was feeling: helpless or hopeless, or aggravated. All his feelings would come out in one explosion, which was anger - hit, yell or scream. He didn't know what his feelings were at the time - happy or angry. Ted could keep anger and irritation in for months at a time and then it comes out in an explosion. Ted's violence finally led to breaking-up and even resulted - in spite of all corrective and preventive measures - in the same abusive behaviour of his younger son, towards his mother in particular. After the divorce Ted got involved with ADVANCE (Treatment Center for Batterers) thanks to which he has learnt a lot and thinks that he is "someone else now".
Ph. Donahue suggested another reason for being batterers. Violence stems from the cultures from which first generation Americans originated. This factor is obvious even in celebrities. In such families the father could drag the woman by the hair and she would not dare look at her husband when he was scolding her and just cast her eyes down and look at the ground. All this created an image of the growling father whose intonation was humiliating. In such households, a woman is usually psychologically, physically limited. That resulted in inability to express emotions other than anger. People often don't even have a vocabulary to talk about emotions.
David Houseal, director of ADVANCE (Treatment Center for Batterers in New York, Pennsylvania, Baltimore) used the expression "anger funnel". According to Mr. Houseal, it sucks up that energy and the energy of sadness or grief or loneliness. And anger becomes the one vehicle society allows us to express ourselves. And a person who is the most available (the lover, the wife or the child) gets it. After hearing the story of the woman whose husband beat her up when she was 6 months pregnant, many would think they were not that bad. But they don't understand that it is not the degree of violence that makes you a batterer but any physical or even mental or verbal violence. Violence is wrong regardless of who does it. But since it's usually men who tend to be abusive, ADVANCE's prime concern is that men who're abusive get away with it. They should assume responsibility for their own vices and thoroughly work on the issue of power and control of power.
This was a call-in show and 2 people actually called in. One woman shared her story how her husband used to smack her, punch her and kick her. One day she fought back and he is now her ex-husband. She thought that no one should take this domestic violence garbage and was disgusted by the men on the show.
The second caller was a victim for 5 years. She loved her husband desperately. They had children together. But he used to beat her regularly, even when she was 6 months pregnant. Once he beat her unconscious and tied her to a railroad track in the middle of a field. Had there no been a wino coming along the road she would have been run over by a train. She lost her baby. Then she took her children and left her husband. She is not a victim anymore, divorced from her husband and remarried. She is now much happier.
A woman in the audience suggests that it does not get any better when domestic violence takes place and she suggests that all women forget family values, make a new life and step out of the marriage. Phil Donahue adds that perhaps much of what keeps a woman in a marriage is not love but insecurity and a desperate feeling that they cannot survive alone.
Many opinions were voiced on the show and one thing that should be remembered in particular is that there are no universal, ready-made solutions to the issue of domestic violence. It is not easy to give up the wish to exercise control and power over a person since some may argue that this is innate. My last comment is that in my opinion the guests were brave to come to the show and talk about their problems so openly. If I had to do the same, it would probably be difficult for me to be that sincere.