Confessions of a Would-Be Actor
After playing Joseph in a nativity play at the age of five and a half, - I can see still remember the three lines I had - my theatrical career really took off. I was chosen to be the back end of the pantomime horse in our school end-of-term Christmas show. Success there, or rather lack of it - the horse's seams came apart soon after our first entrance - led to my being given the job of stagehand for all future productions. Even scenery falling over in the middle of an Italian light opera and last-minute panic over the missing set for an ancient Greek tragedy failed to persuade our drama teacher that I would be less of a risk on stage than off. (That, in fact, is not strictly true. I did have a walk-on part once in a French bedroom farce - as an apparently dump police constable - but to everyone's horror I tried to exit with the wrong character at the end of the wrong scene, stage left instead of stage right).
On leaving school, I joined an amateur dramatic society, full of enthusiasm but rather short on experience, technique and timing. For some years, I was restricted to bit parts in sketches, satirical revues and one or two slapstick comedies. My finest hour came when I had to stand in for a member of the cast who had been taken ill - I was the general male understudy - and take the part of the villain in a Victorian melodrama; lots of overacting and asides to the audience. I had only a very short rehearsal beforehand and I thought my performance was reasonably competent. The producer, however, suggested that I took up some less public hobby, like pottery or rug-making.
Not deterred, I joined a repertory company as stage and costumes manager, also responsible for props and make-up. And I was their prompter as well. During my time with them I wrote a number of scripts, most of which were rejected, but one of which was accepted and performed. It turned out to be the most terrible flop. I didn't do much acting there -just one part, if I remember rightly, in the chorus of a musical, a revival of West Side Story. Nobody 'discovered' me. What I had always wanted was to play the hero in something like Romeo and Juliet or to have a leading part in an Oscar Wilde comedy of manners. When I turned fifty, however, I began to accept that it was probably not going to happen.
You can imagine my surprise and delight, then, when some nights ago I learned that I had landed the title role in Shakespeare's classic play Macbeth with the Royal Shakespeare's Company. I couldn't believe my luck. Macbeth: that superb monologue before Duncan's murder, the passages with the witches on the heath, that fantastic Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow speech in Act Five, Scene 5. The dress rehearsal, with co-stars Olivier and Glenda Jackson, was a dream. And with the first night to follow - ten curtain calls - bouquets - reviews the next day: 'Smash hit!' Don't miss it!' 'A box office winner!' "Triumph for new Macbeth!' 'A Star is ...'
And then that horrible ringing sound in my ears...
Ex. 6 Adrian Collins was asked to direct a play for an amateur theatre group because no one else wanted to do the job. Read this account of his experience and complete the text, using the words and phrases you have seen above. To help you, the first letter of each word is given.
The (1) d __________ of a group of amateur (2) a__________s has a difficult job. First, he has to find a (3) с capable of working together. It is easy enough to persuade people to take the (4) p s of the (5) h , (6) h _____________ and (7) v_________, but no one wants a minor (8) r and finding someone willing to be (9) s (10) m_______________ is even harder. Our last (11) p__________ had all the signs of being a disaster. At the (12) r , the night before the first (13) p ___________ , the leading (14) a ____________fell down, tore her (15) C_________________ and twisted her ankle. We had not got an (16) u___________ so she had to go on the (17) f ____________ (18) n___________with a stick.
As I watched the (19) a______ taking their places in the (20) s _____s before the curtain went up, I feared the worst but it was worse than I had feared. In the first (21) a________ , the hero forgot his (22) l______s, couldn't hear the (23) p__________ and made an (24) e__________ into the (25) w___ s to find out what he had to say next. The actor on (26) s____________ with him didn't notice, and went on with his next (27) s . The heroine was wearing a long dress because of her twisted ankle. She got too close to the (28) f saw smoke rising from her feet, screamed and fainted, just as the villain, making his (29) e__________, came on and tripped over her.
During the (30) i___________, my wife, who was helping out by acting as an (31) u____________, showing people to their seats, said: "Don't worry! They love it. A man in the second (32) r____ just said to me: "I didn't realise this was a
(33) с . I haven't laughed so much for years.
Ex. 7 Share your ideas with the class.
Have you ever thought of going on the stage?
Have you had any acting experience? Were you a success?
Describe a school performance which was a success / a flop.
Do you think teacher is supposed to be an actor? If yes, justify you opinion.
Ex. 8 Read the dialogue and look at the diagram of the theatre. Gerry is telephoning the box office because he wants to buy two tickets for the first performance of a new play.