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Babbitt
The League was of value to the American Legion at a
time when certain of the lesser and looser newspapers
were criticizing that organization of veterans of the Great
War. One evening a number of young men raided the
Zenith Socialist Headquarters, burned its records, beat the
office staff, and agreeably dumped desks out of the window.
All of the newspapers save the Advocate-Times and the
Evening Advocate attributed this valuable but perhaps
hasty direct-action to the American Legion. Then a flying
squadron from the Good Citizens League called on the
unfair papers and explained that no ex-soldier could
possibly do such a thing, and the editors saw the light,
and retained their advertising. When Zeniths lone
Conscientious Objector came home from prison and was
righteously run out of town, the newspapers referred to
the perpetrators as an unidentified mob.
II
In all the activities and triumphs of the Good Citizens
League Babbitt took part, and completely won back to
self-respect, placidity, and the affection of his friends. But
he began to protest, Gosh, Ive done my share in cleaning
up the city. I want to tend to business. Think Ill just kind
of slacken up on this G.C.L. stuff now.
He had returned to the church as he had returned to
the Boosters Club. He had even endured the lavish
greeting which Sheldon Smeeth gave him. He was worried
lest during his late discontent he had imperiled his salvation.
He was not quite sure there was a Heaven to be attained,
but Dr. John Jennison Drew said there was, and Babbitt
was not going to take a chance.
One evening when he was walking past Dr. Drews
parsonage he impulsively went in and found the pastor in
his study.
Jus minute getting phone call, said Dr. Drew in
businesslike tones, then, aggressively, to the telephone:
Lo lo! This Berkey and Hannis? Reverend Drew speaking.
Where the dickens is the proof for next Sundays calendar?
Huh? Y ought to have it here. Well, I cant help it if theyre
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Sinclair Lewis
ALL sick! I got to have it to-night. Get an A.D.T. boy and
shoot it up here quick.
He turned, without slackening his briskness. Well,
Brother Babbitt, what cn I do for you?
I just wanted to ask Tell you how it is, dominie: Here
a while ago I guess I got kind of slack. Took a few drinks
and so on. What I wanted to ask is: How is it if a fellow
cuts that all out and comes back to his senses? Does it sort
of, well, you might say, does it score against him in the
long run?
The Reverend Dr. Drew was suddenly interested. And,
uh, brother the other things, too? Women?
No, practically, you might say, practically not at all.
Dont hesitate to tell me, brother! Thats what Im here
for. Been going on joy-rides? Squeezing girls in cars? The
reverend eyes glistened.
No no
Well, Ill tell you. Ive got a deputation from the Dont
Make Prohibition a Joke Association coming to see me in
a quarter of an hour, and one from the Anti-Birth-Control
Union at a quarter of ten. He busily glanced at his watch.
But I can take five minutes off and pray with you. Kneel
right down by your chair, brother. Dont be ashamed to
seek the guidance of God.
Babbitts scalp itched and he longed to flee, but Dr.
Drew had already flopped down beside his desk-chair and
his voice had changed from rasping efficiency to an unctuous
familiarity with sin and with the Almighty. Babbitt also
knelt, while Drew gloated:
O Lord, thou seest our brother here, who has been led
astray by manifold temptations. O Heavenly Father, make his
heart to be pure, as pure as a little childs. Oh, let him know
again the joy of a manly courage to abstain from evil
Sheldon Smeeth came frolicking into the study. At the
sight of the two men he smirked, forgivingly patted Babbitt
on the shoulder, and knelt beside him, his arm about him,
while he authorized Dr. Drews imprecations with moans
of Yes, Lord! Help our brother, Lord!
Though he was trying to keep his eyes closed, Babbitt
squinted between his fingers and saw the pastor glance at
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Babbitt
his watch as he concluded with a triumphant, And let him
never be afraid to come to Us for counsel and tender care,
and let him know that the church can lead him as a little
lamb.
Dr. Drew sprang up, rolled his eyes in the general
direction of Heaven, chucked his watch into his pocket,
and demanded, Has the deputation come yet, Sheldy?
Yep, right outside, Sheldy answered, with equal
liveliness; then, caressingly, to Babbitt, Brother, if it
would help, Id love to go into the next room and pray
with you while Dr. Drew is receiving the brothers from the
Dont Make Prohibition a Joke Association.
No no thanks cant take the time! yelped Babbitt,
rushing toward the door.
Thereafter he was often seen at the Chatham Road
Presbyterian Church, but it is recorded that he avoided
shaking hands with the pastor at the door.
III
If his moral fiber had been so weakened by rebellion
that he was not quite dependable in the more rigorous
campaigns of the Good Citizens League nor quite appreciative
of the church, yet there was no doubt of the joy with
which Babbitt returned to the pleasures of his home and
of the Athletic Club, the Boosters, the Elks.
Verona and Kenneth Escott were eventually and
hesitatingly married. For the wedding Babbitt was dressed
as carefully as was Verona; he was crammed into the
morning-coat he wore to teas thrice a year; and with a
certain relief, after Verona and Kenneth had driven away
in a limousine, he returned to the house, removed the
morning coat, sat with his aching feet up on the davenport,
and reflected that his wife and he could have the livingroom to themselves now, and not have to listen to Verona
and Kenneth worrying, in a cultured collegiate manner,
about minimum wages and the Drama League.
But even this sinking into peace was less consoling
than his return to being one of the best-loved men in the
BoostersClub.
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Sinclair Lewis
IV
President Willis Ijams began that Boosters Club luncheon
by standing quiet and staring at them so unhappily that
they feared he was about to announce the death of a
Brother Booster. He spoke slowly then, and gravely:
Boys, I have something shocking to reveal to you;
something terrible about one of our own members.
Several Boosters, including Babbitt, looked disconcerted.
A knight of the grip, a trusted friend of mine, recently
made a trip up-state, and in a certain town, where a
certain Booster spent his boyhood, he found out something
which can no longer be concealed. In fact, he discovered
the inward nature of a man whom we have accepted as a
Real Guy and as one of us. Gentlemen, I cannot trust my
voice to say it, so I have written it down.
He uncovered a large blackboard and on it, in huge
capitals, was the legend:
George Follansbee Babbitt oh you Folly!
The Boosters cheered, they laughed, they wept, they
threw rolls at Babbitt, they cried, Speech, speech! Oh you
Folly!
President Ijams continued:
That, gentlemen, is the awful thing Georgie Babbitt has
been concealing all these years, when we thought he was
just plain George F. Now I want you to tell us, taking it
in turn, what youve always supposed the F. stood for.
Flivver, they suggested, and Frog-face and Flathead and
Farinaceous and Freezone and Flapdoodle and Foghorn.
By the joviality of their insults Babbitt knew that he had
been taken back to their hearts, and happily he rose.
Boys, Ive got to admit it. Ive never worn a wrist-watch,
or parted my name in the middle, but I will confess to
Follansbee. My only justification is that my old dad
though otherwise he was perfectly sane, and packed an
awful wallop when it came to trimming the City Fellers at
checkers named me after the family doc, old Dr. Ambrose
Follansbee. I apologize, boys. In my next what-dyou-call-it
Ill see to it that I get named something really practical
something that sounds swell and yet is good and virile
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Babbitt
something, in fact, like that grand old name so familiar to
every household that bold and almost overpowering
name, Willis Jimjams Ijams!
He knew by the cheer that he was secure again and
popular; he knew that he would no more endanger his
security and popularity by straying from the Clan of Good
Fellows.
V
Henry Thompson dashed into the office, clamoring,
George! Big news! Jake Offutt says the Traction Bunch are
dissatisfied with the way Sanders, Torrey and Wing handled
their last deal, and theyre willing to dicker with us!
Babbitt was pleased in the realization that the last scar
of his rebellion was healed, yet as he drove home he was
annoyed by such background thoughts as had never
weakened him in his days of belligerent conformity. He
discovered that he actually did not consider the Traction
group quite honest. Well, hed carry out one more deal
for them, but as soon as it was practicable, maybe as soon
as old Henry Thompson died, hed break away from all
association from them. He was forty-eight; in twelve years
hed be sixty; he wanted to leave a clean business to his
grandchildren. Course there was a lot of money in negotiating
for the Traction people, and a fellow had to look at things
in a practical way, only He wriggled uncomfortably. He
wanted to tell the Traction group what he thought of them.
Oh, he couldnt do it, not now. If he offended them this
second time, they would crush him. But
He was conscious that his line of progress seemed
confused. He wondered what he would do with his future.
He was still young; was he through with all adventuring?
He felt that he had been trapped into the very net from
which he had with such fury escaped and, supremest jest
of all, been made to rejoice in the trapping.
Theyve licked me; licked me to a finish! he whimpered.
The house was peaceful, that evening, and he enjoyed
a game of pinochle with his wife. He indignantly told the
Tempter that he was content to do things in the good old
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Sinclair Lewis
fashioned way. The day after, he went to see the purchasingagent of the Street Traction Company and they made plans
for the secret purchase of lots along the Evanston Road.
But as he drove to his office he struggled, Im going to
run things and figure out things to suit myself when I
retire.
VI
Ted had come down from the University for the weekend. Though he no longer spoke of mechanical engineering
and though he was reticent about his opinion of his
instructors, he seemed no more reconciled to college, and
his chief interest was his wireless telephone set.
On Saturday evening he took Eunice Littlefield to a
dance at Devon Woods. Babbitt had a glimpse of her,
bouncing in the seat of the car, brilliant in a scarlet cloak
over a frock of thinnest creamy silk. They two had not
returned when the Babbitts went to bed, at half-past
eleven. At a blurred indefinite time of late night Babbitt
was awakened by the ring of the telephone and gloomily
crawled down-stairs. Howard Littlefield was speaking:
George, Euny isnt back yet. Is Ted?
No at least his door is open
They ought to be home. Eunice said the dance would
be over at midnight. Whats the name of those people
where theyre going?
Why, gosh, tell the truth, I dont know, Howard. Its
some classmate of Teds, out in Devon Woods. Dont see
what we can do. Wait, Ill skip up and ask Myra if she
knows their name.
Babbitt turned on the light in Teds room. It was a
brown boyish room; disordered dresser, worn books, a
high-school pennant, photographs of basket-ball teams and
baseball teams. Ted was decidedly not there.
Mrs Babbitt, awakened, irritably observed that she certainly
did not know the name of Teds host, that it was late, that
Howard Littlefield was but little better than a born fool, and
that she was sleepy. But she remained awake and worrying
while Babbitt, on the sleeping-porch, struggled back into
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Babbitt
sleep through the incessant soft rain of her remarks. It was
after dawn when he was aroused by her shaking him and
calling George! George! in something like horror.
Wha wha what is it?
Come here quick and see. Be quiet!
She led him down the hall to the door of Teds room
and pushed it gently open. On the worn brown rug he
saw a froth of rose-colored chiffon lingerie; on the sedate
Morris chair a girls silver slipper. And on the pillows were
two sleepy heads Teds and Eunices.
Ted woke to grin, and to mutter with unconvincing
defiance, Good morning! Let me introduce my wife
Mrs Theodore Roosevelt Eunice Littlefield Babbitt, Esquiress.
Good God! from Babbitt, and from his wife a long
wailing, Youve gone and
We got married last evening. Wife! Sit up and say a
pretty good morning to mother-in-law.
But Eunice hid her shoulders and her charming wild
hair under the pillow.
By nine oclock the assembly which was gathered
about Ted and Eunice in the living-room included
Mr and Mrs George Babbitt, Dr. and Mrs Howard Littlefield,
Mr and Mrs Kenneth Escott, Mr and Mrs Henry T. Thompson,
and Tinka Babbitt, who was the only pleased member
of the inquisition.
A crackling shower of phrases filled the room:
At their age Ought to be annulled Never
heard of such a thing in Fault of both of them and
Keep it out of the papers Ought to be packed off to
school Do something about it at once, and what I say
is Damn good old-fashioned spanking
Worst of them all was Verona. TED! Some way MUST
be found to make you understand how dreadfully SERIOUS
this is, instead of standing AROUND with that silly foolish
SMILE on your face!
He began to revolt. Gee whittakers, Rone, you got
married yourself, didnt you?
Thats entirely different.
You bet it is! They didnt have to work on Eu and me
with a chain and tackle to get us to hold hands!
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Sinclair Lewis
Now, young man, well have no more flippancy, old
Henry Thompson ordered. You listen to me.
You listen to Grandfather! said Verona.
Yes, listen to your Grandfather! said Mrs Babbitt.
Ted, you listen to Mr Thompson! said Howard Littlefield.
Oh, for the love o Mike, I am listening! Ted shouted.
But you look here, all of you! Im getting sick and tired
of being the corpse in this post mortem! If you want to kill
somebody, go kill the preacher that married us! Why, he
stung me five dollars, and all the money I had in the
world was six dollars and two bits. Im getting just about
enough of being hollered at!
A new voice, booming, authoritative, dominated the
room. It was Babbitt. Yuh, theres too darn many putting
in their oar! Rone, you dry up. Howard and I are still
pretty strong, and able to do our own cussing. Ted, come
into the dining-room and well talk this over.
In the dining-room, the door firmly closed, Babbitt
walked to his son, put both hands on his shoulders.
Youre more or less right. They all talk too much. Now
what do you plan to do, old man?
Gosh, dad, are you really going to be human?
Well, I Remember one time you called us the Babbitt
men and said we ought to stick together? I want to. I dont
pretend to think this isnt serious. The way the cards are
stacked against a young fellow to-day, I cant say I approve
of early marriages. But you couldnt have married a better
girl than Eunice; and way I figure it, Littlefield is darn
lucky to get a Babbitt for a son-in-law! But what do you
plan to do? Course you could go right ahead with the U.,
and when youd finished
Dad, I cant stand it any more. Maybe its all right for
some fellows. Maybe Ill want to go back some day. But
me, I want to get into mechanics. I think Id get to be a
good inventor. Theres a fellow that would give me twenty
dollars a week in a factory right now.
Well Babbitt crossed the floor, slowly, ponderously,
seeming a little old. Ive always wanted you to have a
college degree. He meditatively stamped across the floor
again. But Ive never Now, for heavens sake, dont
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Babbitt
repeat this to your mother, or shed remove what little hair
Ive got left, but practically, Ive never done a single thing
Ive wanted to in my whole life! I dont know s Ive
accomplished anything except just get along. I figure out
Ive made about a quarter of an inch out of a possible
hundred rods. Well, maybe youll carry things on further.
I dont know. But I do get a kind of sneaking pleasure out
of the fact that you knew what you wanted to do and did
it. Well, those folks in there will try to bully you, and
tame you down. Tell em to go to the devil! Ill back you.
Take your factory job, if you want to. Dont be scared of
the family. No, nor all of Zenith. Nor of yourself, the way
Ive been. Go ahead, old man! The world is yours!
Arms about each others shoulders, the Babbitt men
marched into the living-room and faced the swooping
family.
Contents
Chapter I
Chapter II ............................................................................... 14
Chapter III
Chapter IV.............................................................................. 35
Chapter V
Chapter VI
Chapter VII............................................................................. 82
Chapter VIII
Chapter IX............................................................................ 110
Chapter X
Chapter XI
Chapter XII
Chapter XIII
Chapter XIV
Chapter XV
Chapter XVI
Chapter XVII
Chapter XVIII
Chapter XIX ......................................................................... 208
Chapter XX
Chapter XXI
Chapter XXII
Chapter XXIII
Chapter
Chapter XXV
Chapter XXVI ....................................................................... 264
Chapter
.................................................................................. 3
.............................................................................. 23
............................................................................... 46
.............................................................................. 62
............................................................................ 93
............................................................................. 119
............................................................................ 132
........................................................................... 137
.......................................................................... 141
......................................................................... 157
.......................................................................... 169
......................................................................... 180
........................................................................ 189
....................................................................... 198
.......................................................................... 222
......................................................................... 228
........................................................................ 233
....................................................................... 237
XXIV ....................................................................... 245
........................................................................ 256
XXVII ...................................................................... 271
350
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