Situations 43&44

OBSTACLES TO LOVE AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

“Pleasure of love lasts but a moment, Pain of love

lasts a lifetime.”

– JEAN - PIERRE CLARIS DE FLORIAN

Obstacles to Love

Obstacles to Love are those that stand in the way of or thwart progress toward loving.

Two Lovers and an Obstacle are required. In this situation two Lovers are either being kept apart or in the process of being kept apart, where they still see each other intermittently.

They both passionately want to be with each other and can’t imagine life any other way. Each one believes in the other’s love so completely that they will attempt to surmount any obstacle thrown in their path. There is no doubt in either one’s mind about the love they share.

The love between them is true and it cannot be easily cast aside. They know this type of love comes along only once in a lifetime, and they will do or give up whatever it takes to keep this love alive.

If the Lovers have done a lot of soul searching, then their union will be one of long-lasting happiness. If not, they may self-destruct as their problems, hang-ups, and insecurities come out. Very often stories of soul mates start out with wondrous rapture between the couple only to see them quickly crash. The people in these unions have a lot of unfinished baggage to deal with before they can commit to another at such a deep level, and the relationship must or should end—at least for the time being. (Think of A Streetcar Named Desire—Stanley has a lot of growing up to do.)

In most great love stories, the Lovers don’t have much baggage left to keep them apart. It is only outside circumstance that conspires against them.

THE LOVERS

The Lovers are both very passionate people, even if one seems shy at first. They have the capacity to open their hearts fully to another and be exposed and vulnerable. They can be intense and possibly jealous at times but deep down they care about each other’s well being above their own.

Everyone has this capacity to find true love; it’s just that most of us won’t let our guard down to give it entrance. The Lovers have learned how to do just that, and they find the rewards are great and well worth the risk.

OBSTACLES

Unfortunately, seemingly insurmountable Obstacles are in the way of the Lovers’ union:

Obstacles Created by others include:

•their race

•their class

•their age differences

•relatives feel they are too young

•relatives oppose due to family feud, or one or more relatives hate the Beloved because of this

•relatives have promised the woman to another

•the man is called away to war

•relatives feel man doesn’t make enough money

•relatives feel the woman isn’t good enough, especially if he has high social standing

•the death of a family member forces woman to care for other relatives

•gossip

•jealousy (Others may be jealous of their love and wish to destroy it; the Lover’s happiness only reminds the others of how unhappy they are, and misery loves company.)

Obstacles created by the couple inlcude:

•poor health

•religious vows

•distance between them

•previous marriages

•titles that require certain types of marriages

•fear of the love they share and its power

•incompatible temperament between the Lovers

230 Story Structure Architect

•low self-esteem; feeling unworthy of the Lover

•misunderstandings

•differing goals pulling them in different directions

•jealousy

•hate: Did the Beloved do something to cause this hatred:

°Did he kill the Lover’s father or other family member?

°Is she related to someone who hurt the Lover’s family member?

°Did he treat her family poorly before they met?

°Did he refuse the love of one of her relatives before meeting her?

°Do her brothers hate him for something he did or didn’t do in the past?

Whether Obstacles to Love is used as plot, subplot, or incident, the elements of the beginning, middle, and end are the same:

BEGINNING: A Lover finds his Beloved.

•Will they fall in love right away?

•Will anyone try to stop them yet?

•What Obstacle to Love are you setting up here?

•Is one Lover more swayed by relatives or the potential Obstacle to Love than the other? Can you foreshadow this?

•Do either of the Lovers have any baggage that will get in the way?

•Are there any other lovers on the sidelines, waiting to catch the eye of one of the Lovers?

•Does anyone stand to gain if the Lovers are kept apart? Or brought together?

•How will the Lovers first meet? (Make it memorable.)

MIDDLE: The Lovers announce their plans and Obstacles to Love are thrown their way.

•Are the Lovers afraid to make their love known? Why?

•Who will oppose their plans?

•What type of Obstacles to Love will you give them? Will the time period come into play here?

•What will the Lovers have to give up to keep the relationship going in light of the Obstacles to Love?

•Are both Lovers equally strong to fight the Obstacles? Or will one have to be strong for both of them?

END: The Lovers either conquer the Obstacles to Love or face defeat together.

•If the Lovers don’t conquer the Obstacles to Love, will they wind up like Romeo and Juliet, sacrificing their lives for love?

•How will they overcome the Obstacles to Love? Will they have to give up something they hold dear? Will they have to give up their identity and move to a foreign land?

•Will anyone try to help them?

•Will a loved one betray them?

•Will the Lover sacrifice himself to save his Beloved?

•Do we leave the Lovers knowing they will be fine? Or is there a question mark in the end?

“Love is a force that connects us to every strand of the universe, an unconditional state that characterizes human nature, a form of knowledge that is always there for us if only we can open ourselves to it.”

– EMILY HILBURN SELL

Unconditional Love

Unconditional Love means to love absolutely, completely, and without conditions of any type.

In this situation the Lover is so overwhelmed by the offer of love that he may not fully accept it. It may take him years to process the effects of being in the presence of such a wonderful gift of love and light. It’s as if he has seen an angel in the flesh and his world has been totally turned upside down.

Unconditional Love has the power to change the world. Unfortunately, few ever experience it. To be accepted and validated, as if one were the most important being on the planet, breaks down all defenses. It is to be looked at as if one truly were made in the image of God. If you have ever visited a spiritual guru, you will understand this. There is a woman named Ammachi who travels around the world hugging people for free. Many leave her arms in tears completely overwhelmed by her presence. This situation is about dealing with such a transcendental experience and its effects.

232 Story Structure Architect

This experience can also come from a true martial arts master, many of whom are very spiritual people. The discipline of martial arts leaves them with the power and discernment to hold their center at all times.

It can also come from the love of a parent who sacrifices all to help, comfort, or accept a child no matter what happens in life.

The Conflict comes because this type of love can also be way too much for one to handle if one has a lot of trauma or issues to deal with. In the face of so much love and acceptance, one’s true self tries to emerge and all the pain of the past comes up to be healed so this can happen. Have you ever been so angry at someone only to have them forgive you and stop the cycle of anger cold? It can be off-putting.

The experience also can evoke such ecstasy that the character may seek it out like a drug, becoming dependent upon the “guru” or person who makes him feel this way, when he should be learning how to embody the love himself. He may also get involved with a cult, as he wants to be around people who have shared such an experience. He doesn’t know how to be discerning.

Whether Unconditional Love is used as plot, subplot, or incident, the elements of the beginning, middle, and end are the same:

BEGINNING: The Lover experiences whelmed by it.

•How does this take place?

•Does the Lover run from it? Why? Where to?

•Does the experience play over and over again in his mind?

•Does he become obsessed with the experience? Does he tell everyone he meets about it?

•Has his personality changed at all yet? Is this just temporary, as his daily responsibilities will pull him back into reality?

MIDDLE: The Lover longs to feel that love again, but his problems and pain cause Obstacles for him.

•Does he try to ignore his pain? Or push it away? (He may not realize that healing his issues is what will help reach the Unconditional Love experience within himself.)

•Does he long for a community of people who understand what he went through? Will he get involved in a cult as a result?

•What do other characters think of his experience? Will his family even listen or will it frighten them?

END: The Lover returns to his old ways or is reborn.

•Will the Lover return to his old ways? Why?

•If not, how will you show his rebirth?

•Has he learned discernment?

•Is he strong enough to go back to his old life and be in the world, just not of it? (This means to keep himself centered at all times no matter what is going on around him. Think of martial arts masters.)

•What will he do with his life now? (This type of situation sparks a complete 180-degree turn in the Lover’s way of thinking and relating to

the world.)

EXAMPLES

The Age of Innocence, EDITH WHARTON

OBSTACLES TO LOVE AS PLOT—Society scion Newland Archer is engaged to May Welland, but his well-ordered life is upset when he meets May’s unconventional cousin and falls deeply in love with her. Societal mores prevent them from being together.

Romeo and Juliet, WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

OBSTACLES TO LOVE AS PLOT—The Montagues and Capulets are two families of Renaissance Italy that have hated each other for years, but the son of one family and the daughter of the other fall desperately in love and secretly marry.

Holy Smoke!, JANE CAMPION

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AS SUBPLOT—While on a journey of discovery in exotic India, beautiful Ruth Barron falls under the influence of a charismatic religious guru. Her parents hire P. J. Waters, a macho cult deprogrammer, to confront Ruth in a remote desert hideaway.

Dying Young, JOEL SCHUMACHER

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AS SUBPLOT—Hilary O’Neil is looking for a new start and a new job. She begins to work as a private nurse for a young man suffering from blood cancer. The two slowly fall in love, all the while knowing their love cannot last because he is going to die. Hilary can’t deny the love they feel for each other so she takes a chance. Knowing he will leave her, she has to love him unconditionally.

234 Story Structure Architect