3. Focusing on one thing now and being in the present

This means:

•   Controlling your attention

•   Not being distracted by memories of the past or worries about the future

•   Not allowing negative moods or thoughts to get in the way

It is possible to learn to focus attention on one task or activity at a time.

4. Doing what works

This means:

•   Focusing on achieving the goals you set yourself

•   Realizing that what works well for one person or situation may not work for another

•   Understanding that what used to work before, may not work now

•   Realizing that doing what you ‘ought’ to do may not work for you in the present situation (e.g. being the sole breadwinner or making sure the ironing is done every day)

•   Taking people as they are, rather than as you might think they ‘should’ be (including yourself)

Mindfulness exercises

Here are some exercises that you can do to experiment with attentional control or mindfulness.

AN INTRODUCTORY MINDFULNESS EXERCISE

•   Give yourself a few minutes to sit quietly.

•   Notice your breathing.

•   Pay attention to your breath going in and coming out.

•   Try to let your attention focus on the bottom of your in-breath.

•   When you notice that your thoughts have wandered, bring your attention back to your breathing.

•   Spend a few minutes bringing your attention back to the centre in this way.

This can lead to a state of feeling calm and secure.

AN OBSERVATION EXERCISE

•   Be aware of your hand on a cool surface (e.g. a table or a glass of cold water). Be aware of your hand on a warm surface (e.g. your other hand).

•   Pay attention to, and try to sense, your stomach and your shoulders.

•   Stroke just above your upper lip. Stop stroking. Notice how long it takes before you cannot sense your upper lip any longer.

•   ’Watch’ the first two thoughts that come into your mind – just notice them.

•   Imagine that your mind is a conveyor belt, and that thoughts and feelings are coming down the belt. Put each thought or feeling in a box near the belt.

•   Count the thoughts or feelings as you have them.

•   If you find yourself becoming distracted, observe that too! Observe yourself, as you notice that you are being distracted.

Note: It is usual to have to start and re-start several times when you practise ‘stepping back’ and observing in this way.

A ‘DESCRIBING’, ‘NON-JUDGEMENTAL’ EXERCISE

•   Practise labelling thoughts in categories, such as ‘thoughts about others’ or ‘thoughts about myself’.

•   Use the ‘conveyor belt’ exercise described above. As the thoughts and feelings come down the conveyor belt, imagine sorting them into boxes, e.g. one box for thoughts, one box for sensations in your body, one for urges to do something, etc.

Make a point of practising most often the exercises that you find most difficult.

All these exercises will give you more control over what you focus your attention on. With a little practice, these skills can reduce the amount of distraction caused by pain. You will find it easier to deliberately pay attention to something else. This will help you ‘accept the things you cannot change’, while working on the things that you can change.

CHAPTER SUMMARY

•   Acceptance can be helpful when other methods have been tried to overcome life situation difficulties.

•   When losses have occurred, it is important to get used to what has happened, allow yourself to grieve for what has been lost, and learn how to cope with what is happening ‘here and now’.

•   Finding ‘meaning’ in what has happened, particularly noticing unexpected opportunities, can help.

•   It is useful to go through a step-by-step problem-solving process. However, sometimes there is no ‘perfect solution’, and this is where acceptance can help.

•   Your own values and view of the world can make it easier for you to cope with long-term difficulties. Some people find that spiritual practice or meditation can help.

•   Mindfulness exercises are a useful practise. They can help you manage pain, while reducing suffering and distress.

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