How can acceptance help you manage chronic pain?

Many people are familiar with the ‘serenity prayer’, often used by people with long-term health problems and difficult life situations:

. . . Grant me the serenity to

Accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Acceptance is about finding ways of living with the things that you ‘cannot change’.

This chapter is about getting used to what is left when you have done all that you can to change and manage better. It is also about grieving and coming to terms with the losses the pain has caused for you and others in your life, now and in the future. This can be one of the biggest challenges: accepting the idea that some pain may be there, however much you stick to your pain management plan.

Some people find that it helps to tell themselves: ‘I cannot avoid pain but I do not have to suffer.’ Changing your outlook on yourself and your future can be hard work and takes time. Spiritual beliefs can be helpful. For example, some spiritual teachings suggest that humans can experience ‘inner healing’ without necessarily being ‘cured’ of their illness or pain.

Having chronic pain can give you an opportunity to look again at what life means to you. It can be about finding new and hopeful meaning in your life situation. Events that may seem negative can also be seen as openings for growth, interest or new understanding.

HOW DID STEVE RESPOND TO THE IDEA OF ACCEPTANCE?

At first, Steve did not expect acceptance to help, because he believed it wouldn’t change anything, especially the things he had lost in his life.

Steve had used other chapters to challenge some unhelpful thoughts, such as: ‘I am useless’ and ‘It’s not fair’. He had made some changes. For instance, he had spent some time with his partner, Nicole, looking at the household budget and working out how they could manage on a lower income. He had also managed to start pacing himself, and was getting a little more active.

However, he still had a lot of pain most days of the week. He realized that, however hard he tried, there was still going to be some pain. At times he was angry about it, but mostly sad.

He talked over the meaning of the pain with his best friend, Paul. His friend helped him to look at the possibilities that he had because he was at home. He came up with a list. (This took quite a long time!)

•   I was ‘there’ for my mother when she had her heart attack.

•   I can use a digital camera and I’ve got some great shots of the family.

•   I could do some different training in electrical work and be better qualified.

•   I am learning how to cook things on a low budget.

•   I have met some lovely, caring people in the local self-help group.

•   I have learned how to send emails.

•   I have developed a website.

•   I’ve been reading more. I never had time for it before and it helps with the forms and letters.

•   I’m closer to my partner, Nicole. I’ve learned to talk about how I feel without blaming anyone.

•   I’ve learned that I can be more patient and listen to other people more.

Steve was surprised at how many possibilities or benefits he came up with. He said it didn’t make up for not being like he used to be. However he did find that he felt better and less frustrated when he thought about the benefits.

Now think about the opportunities that you have had, or could have, since having chronic pain. They can be small things, not just major ones. Talk it over with someone if it helps. This isn’t about ‘making up for the pain’. It is about seeing opportunities or chances, even though your life situation is not what you might have planned or expected.

Try to write down at least five opportunities in your notebook.