How chronic pain and anger are linked

Chronic pain can lead people to be very easily irritated. It can mean that they think about themselves or other people in a negative and unhelpful way. Many people with pain have angry feelings at times. There is often a sense of unfairness.

They may feel it is right to feel angry about the pain or the events that caused it. They can become angry because other people do not understand their pain and its unhelpful or distressing effects on them.

In Steve’s case, the accident had not been his fault so he believed he had a right to be angry about it. Sometimes, even when there is no one to blame, life can still feel very unfair.

Unfortunately, unhelpful thinking like this can lead to:

•   Increased tension in muscles and joints

•   Paying attention to the pain

•   Not noticing positive or enjoyable experiences

•   Becoming tired

All these factors can, in turn, lead to more pain.

This does not mean that angry feelings and showing anger is ‘bad’. It is more about how anger is expressed, or how intense it is and how it then affects you and your pain.

These are more helpful ways of dealing with anger, such as:

•   Sharing feelings without blaming someone

•   Asking for someone to change their behavior

•   Trying to get fairness or justice in a respectful way

•   Being realistic about the extent to which you have been treated unfairly

•   Not seeing yourself as totally right or wrong

•   Seeing the other person’s point of view

•   Getting things changed for the better, for yourself or others

•   Deciding to stop plotting revenge

How being angry can affect other people

Being irritable can affect others you spend time with at home, at work or in other places. People may not understand your situation, especially people you don’t know well. Relationships at home may become strained or tense. People in public places, such as shops or hospitals, may not understand the pain problem and the irritation and frustration you experience because of it.

Case history: Steve’s anger affects his partner

Steve had always been close to his partner, Nicole. She had been happy to help more since Steve had had his accident. However, she became upset when he shouted at her. She said it was hard to ‘know where I stand’. Sometimes Steve would shout and say she didn’t ‘understand how bad the pain is’. At other times, he would shout at her that she was ‘treating him like a cripple’. She was beginning to find him hard to live with. They were both embarrassed when he lost his cool in public. Steve seemed to get even angrier when Nicole became upset, sometimes ending up in tears. He said he didn’t mean to shout at her and really knew how much she cared. He was angry with himself for being angry.

Think about the people who are close to you, as well as people you meet in public places or at specific events. How does your anger affect all these people? Write your ideas in your notebook. It may help to think about the last few times you were angry.

Firstly, you can look at what happens when you start to feel angry, using the following questions to help you.

Something happens:

Where?

When?

Who with?

What am I/we doing?

Thoughts:

What went through my mind as I started to feel angry?

Moods (emotions):

How did I feel?

Body sensations:

What did I notice?

Behaviors:

What did I do or not do?

These observations will give you a better understanding of how anger affects you, especially your thoughts and behaviors. Then you can look at what makes a difference to the way you express anger and find out how you could handle anger better.