The main steps in problem-solving

There are five main steps in problem-solving.

STEP 1: RECOGNIZE AND DEFINE THE PROBLEM

This means realizing that something is in fact a problem, and describing it. This can give you time to think. Recognizing that there is a problem also means that you can choose how to deal with it. You can decide how important it is to do something about it (or not!). This puts you more in control of your response. It offers an alternative way of dealing with problems – instead of acting on ‘first impulse’ without considering alternatives, or ‘doing nothing’ and hoping the problem will go away. Sometimes unpleasant emotions (such as feeling low or worried) can give you clues as to where the problem lies. If you realize that something is making you feel like this, you can then decide how much of a problem it is to you, and choose what to do next.

Defining the problem means being clear about exactly what the problem is. You can try talking it through with someone until you are able to write it down. Or you can make rough notes for yourself until you can write it down clearly.

For example, Steve wrote down his problem like this:

‘Getting fed-up and frustrated, which happens when I think about being stuck in the house all the time.’

TIP

If it turns out to be a number of different problems, choose one to concentrate on first. Or you can break a large problem down into parts. You may already have some experience of breaking things down into steps from working on your pacing skills in Chapter 8.

STEP 2: LIST ALL POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS

Write down all the ways in which the problem might get solved. List all the ideas you can come up with, even ‘bad’ or ‘silly’ suggestions. If nothing comes to mind, think of the most ridiculous ideas possible, and take it from there! You can even think first of what would make the problem worse. At least then you can write down ‘doing the opposite’! If you are discussing it with someone else, get the other person to think of ideas, too. See how many ideas you can come up with. At this stage, don’t ‘filter out’ or discuss the advantages of any suggestions. Just jot them down in your notebook.

Steve thought of the following ideas – with help from his friend Malcolm:

•   Get my neighbour to take me out

•   Go on a romantic weekend to Paris with Nicole

•   Join a wine-making club

•   Get my brother to let me baby-sit for my nephew

•   Move house

•   Visit my friend Paul more often

•   Go down the pub

•   Blow up the house

•   Redecorate

•   Keep my eyes shut all day

•   Try staying in the house more so I get used to it

•   Go for a walk to the park

•   Sit in the garden

STEP 3: LIST THE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF EACH POSSIBLE SOLUTION

Now go through your list, and highlight the main advantages and disadvantages of each solution.

What would the consequences be:

•   In the short term and in the long term?

•   For you, and for others?

Bear in mind the resources that you have now, including time, skills and money.

Steve listed the advantages and disadvantages opposite.

STEP 4: CHOOSE THE ‘BEST’ SOLUTION

From your list, choose the solution that you are most likely to be able to carry out, given your present circumstances. It may not be the ‘perfect’ answer, but at least it gives you an option to try. Remember to plan each step, think about any problems or hitches that might arise, and practise the difficult parts beforehand.

Steve decided: The best solution at present is to go and see my friend, Paul, more often.

I will phone up this afternoon and try to arrange a short visit this week.

Possible hitches?

If he’s not in, I will either leave a message or try again.

If I have no luck getting hold of him, I will send him a text message after three days and ask him to phone.

If we have fun, we will do it again. If not, I can have another look at my list.

Review in two weeks.

STEP 5: REVIEW YOUR PROGRESS

Decide when you will review your progress in carrying out your plan. Have a look at how you got on with each step. Remember to praise yourself for effort, rather than achievement.

You may need to revise your plans, and set another review as you go along. Keep problem-solving until you have achieved your goal, or resolved the stress. If you still find that something can’t be changed, then at least you will know that you have tried. You can use problem-solving to help you to deal with feelings, such as anger or sadness, which may arise. You could also try talking your feelings through, focusing on something else, or finding ways of accepting the way things have turned out (see Chapter 15).

Steve reviewed his progress after two weeks:

I have been round to Paul’s house twice, and we are off to the garden centre tomorrow. It’s a good start. I want to do other things as well now – I feel a bit better. Maybe I’ll try a photography evening class?