Giving yourself rewards

This chapter aims to help you understand:

•   What rewards are

•   How rewards can help change things

•   How to reward yourself

•   How to create ‘Fun prescriptions’

What are rewards?

Having an ice-cream can be a reward; so can a pay packet at the end of the week; a game of cards with a friend; a clean kitchen floor or a ‘well done’ note to yourself! These are all ‘rewards’ if they give you a sense of pleasure or achievement.

Rewards are pleasurable activities or things that are fun. They give a sense of pleasure, satisfaction or achievement and help build confidence. Rewards give us the drive to carry out a particular behavior, or support to learn a new one. They encourage ‘it’s worth a try’ thinking. They help us to repeat activities, especially when learning new skills.

We tend to do more of something if we feel rewarded for it, either by ourselves or by others. However, rewards vary according to the individual. Something that is a reward for one person may not be seen as a reward by another.

People tend to avoid situations they expect to be unpleasant. For example, being told off, being shouted at, getting fined, being ignored or rejected are all things we tend to avoid. They are not rewarding. We will do a particular activity less if we are punished for it, or if we lose something as a result.

HOW CAN REWARDS HELP CHANGE THINGS?

Working at change isn’t easy. Most people who try to lose weight or give up smoking will agree! This also applies if you have chronic pain. You may very much want to do things differently, but that doesn’t always mean that it’s easy to change. Using rewards can help change things for the better.

Some people may feel that they do not deserve rewards, especially when they are feeling low, or find themselves unable to work or look after the house. However if you are in pain, rewarding your progress is really vital. It can help you do essential tasks, like washing-up. Rewards can help you make changes that will improve your quality of life.

Try not to compare your progress with what you used to be able to do. Accept the situation and focus on improving things as they are now (see Chapter 15).

HOW TO REWARD YOURSELF

Some people with chronic pain have a lot of demands placed on them, such as looking after children or an elderly relative or working full-time (see Chapter 13). Just coping with everyday activities can be really difficult and rewards can help you cope with these demands.

Here are some ways of working out what is rewarding to you:

1   Think of:

•   Things you have or do now

•   Things you used to do

•   Things you might like to try

Write them down in your notebook.

2   What motivates you, or what used to motivate you? For example, holidays, cinema trips.

3   What gives (or would give) you a sense of pleasure? For example, social rewards (e.g. spending time with people you like to be with).

4   What gives (or would give) you a sense of achievement or satisfaction? For example, activities such as reading a thriller, growing your own roses, watching a video which makes you laugh, seeing a beautiful sunset.

Start by making a list of as many rewards as you can think of now in your notebook. Remember to include small things as well as ambitious and unlikely ones!

Maria had felt for a long time that she did not deserve to reward herself. She was unable to do many things she used to do in the house. She particularly missed looking after her two young grandchildren. So she made a rewards list. She put ‘smileys’ by the rewards and by her achievements.

Write down your own rewards and achievements in your notebook in two columns. Mark the ones you actually do or have at the moment with tick or smiley face. Remember to think about material things, social activities and things you can do on your own.

Then ask yourself: which rewards could you have now? (These are things you could do or have, with the life situation you are in now, but don’t.) For example, Jim could have a cafe lunch with his son, but he hadn’t thought of it up to now.

Now you can start to make a list of rewarding things that you know that you would like to work towards in the longer term.

Jim decided to choose some rewards he could give himself for working on his goals.

•   Having his grandchildren round for a few hours would be a real reward in itself.

•   Watching the local rugby match on Saturday if he followed his pacing plan for the garden tasks.

•   If he stuck to his breathing relaxation programme each day, he would have a nice cup of tea afterwards with Ann and a hug!

•   If he kept to his pacing and relaxation skills for a whole week, he would take Ann to the garden centre and choose some new spring flowering plants and a new hedge trimmer.

Write your own reward plan in your notebook.