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Enjoy yourself jokes

1. "Dad, I don't want to go to school today." said the boy.

"Why not, son?"

"Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken

soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had

roast pork the next day."

"But why don't you want to go today?"

Because our English teacher died yesterday!

2. A man was driving at 80 km p.h. one day when he was passed by a 3-legged chicken. He accelerated and passed the chicken. Three minutes later the chicken passed him again as he was driving at 100 km p.h. The man tried to catch the chicken but it ran down a side road. The man followed it into a farmyard but couldn't find it anywhere. He saw the farmer and told him the story and the man asked for an expla­nation. The farmer said that he, his wife and his son all liked chicken legs so he bred 3-legged chickens.

"What do they taste like?" asked the man.

"I don't know", replied the farmer, "we haven't caught one yet".

3. Q: What is the difference between a jeweler and a jailor? A: A jeweler sells watches. A jailer watches cells.

4. Q: What is a bachelor?

A: A man who never Mrs. (misses) anyone.

5. Q: Why do cows have bells?

A: Because their horns don't work.

6. Q: Why did the golfer take an extra pair of pants for his Saturday round of golf? A: In case he got a hole in one.

7. Q. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers? A. In case he got a hole in one!

8. Q: What flowers have two lips? A: Tulips

9. Q: They travel all over the world but end up in the corner, what are they? A: Stamps

10. Q: Why didn't the farmer cry when his dairy cow fell off the cliff? A: There's no use crying over spilt milk.

Riddles

1. Q: How do you spell mousetrap?

2. Q: How many legs does an ant have?

3. Q: How many people are buried in that cemetery?

4. Q: What can't be used until it's broken?

5. Q: What do tigers have that no other animals have?

6. Q: What is black and white and read (red) all over?

7. Q: What do you get if you cross a pig with a karate fighter?

8. Q: What's got a head and a tail, but no body?

9. Q: What's got a wave but no sea?

10. Q: What has three feet but no legs or arms?

11. Q: Where does a boxer who weighs 135 kilograms sit on a bus?

12. Q: What makes "oom" and gives milk?

13. Q: Where does Dracula stay when he goes to New York City?

14. Q: What do cows like to read?

15. Q: What is the longest word?

16. Q: What's the longest word in the English language?

17. Q: What is the word that everybody always says wrong?

Communicative fluency Group holiday

Language - asking for and giving reasons, agreeing and disagreeing, making suggestions, giving in

Other - fair discussion

Level Intermediate

Organisation Groups of five to seven students

Preparation A handout for each student

Time 15-20 minutes

Procedure Step 1: The class is divided into groups. Each student receives a handout containing eight suggestions for a two week holiday. Each group now has to find the one holiday that they would like to have together. A decision should be reached by discussion and finding good arguments and not by a majority vote. If the group really cannot agree on a type of holiday they would all like to share, they may present their case to the class for further discussion. Groups may also suggest a kind of holiday not mentioned in the handout.

Step 2: Each group describes the holiday they have chosen and outlines the reason for

this choice. The other groups may ask questions or comment.

Variations As a follow-up exercise the students can be asked to rank a number of pictures taken from travel brochures. Criteria for ranking may be the interest stimu­lated by the photos or the degree of adventure inherent in them.

Remarks A class discussion as to what students expect from a holiday can follow.