In a Restaurant [aІ — eI]

A: What will you have?

B: I'm on a diet.

A: Come on! I'll pay.

B: What did you say?

A: Don't be shy, I'll pay.

B: Thanks. Great. Then I'll have dry wine, a steak, fried potatoes, grapes, ice-cream and a cake.

A: Okay. Waiter!

A: Is it possible to confide a secret to you? B: Certainly. I will be as silent as a grave.

A: Well, then. I have a pressing need for two dollars^ B: Do not worry. It is as if I had heard nothing.

Misunderstanding [i: - ei]

A: When shall we meet again?

B: I've got a fever, and I'm sneezing.

A: Run away! I'll wait.

B: I'm on a sick leave!

A: Then I'll come to your place and stay!

B: Hey, don't be crazy. I'm leaving.

Let's have a beer here, dear.

Mrs Lear: What a good idea! They have very good beer here. We came here last year.

Mr.L.: The atmosphere here is very clear.

Mrs.L.: And it's windier than last year.

Mr.L.: (speaking to the waiter) Two beers, please.

Mrs.L.: Look, dear! Look at that mountaineer drinking beer. ' *

Mr.L.: His beard is in his beer.

Mrs.L.: His beard has nearly disappeared into his beer!

Mr.L.: Sh, dear! He might hear.

Waiter: (ringing his beer) Here you are, sir. Two beers.

Mr.L.: (drinking his beer) Cheers, dear!

Mrs.L.: Cheers! Here's to the bearded mountaineer!

At the Table [ai]

A: We tried to fry oysters.

B: To fry oysters? Are you kidding?

A: No! We put moist oysters in the oil and added spices. But still the oysters were spoilt.

B: You should have boiled them.

A: Now we know.

A Pair of Hairbrushes

Mary: I've lost two small hairbrushes, Clare, They're a pair. .

Claire: Have you looked carefully everywhere?

Mary: Yes. They're nowhere here.

Claire: Have you looked upstairs?

Frank Talk [ai—au]

A: Where've you been walking around, Simon?

B: In the library.

A: Don't try to tell lies now. I saw you in the pub down the street Lier!

B: Right. I'm a Her but you are a spy!

In the Sitting-Room [əu — au]

A: Tony, will you buy a new blouse and a coat for your Rose?'

I've found a lovely shop selling clothes round the comer.

B: No, I'm going to buy trousers.

A: Noble spouses don't say "No" if they don't know.

B: Why should I say "Don't know" if I won't?

A: One never knows, Tony.

Mike, Myra and Violet

(Myra and Violet are typists in the library)

Myra (smiling): Hello, Mike!

Mike: Hello, Myra, Hello, Violet! You're looking nice, Violet (silence).

Mike: Would you like some ice-cream, Violet?

Violet: No, thanks, Mike. I'm busy typing. Talk to me some other time. I

have 99 pages to type by Friday.

Mike: Never mind. Do you like riding, Violet?

Violet: Sometimes.

Mike: Would you like to come riding with me to-night, Violet?

Violet: Not to-night, Mike, I'm going for a drive with Nigel.

Mike: What about Friday?

Violet: I'm going climbing with Miles.

Mike: Hm! Oh, all right, Bye!

Myra: Violet, he's put something behind your typewriter.

Violet: Is it something nice, Myra? Myra: No, it's a spider, у