I had a terrible thought: this wouldn't have been happening to me a week ago if I'd chosen a boyfriend over this woman, if I'd not made this choice. In the moment I'd thought it, I wished I hadn't.

Aly must have seen the shadow pass over my face as I fought the idea. 'Please don't say this is going to change the way you feel,' she said warily. I knew then that she still harbored some uncertainties about my state of mind. I hated the idea that she might doubt me in any way and searched for a way to reassure both of us.

'It doesn't,' I replied, hearing how unconvincing I sounded. I squeezed her hand and tried to sound more certain of myself. 'Really, I still feel the same. It just makes you think about the consequences of the choices you make,' I tried to explain.

'But it's not a choice, is it?' she said, with some passion in her tone. 'You tried to fight it all these years and you still couldn't. I willed it go away when I was still a teenager and it didn't. You don't choose this, Jen, it's in you. And when shit like this happens, you have to face it, stand up to it.' Her expression had become almost fierce and I resisted the urge to retort that it was all right for her, who wasn't afraid and was used to the way the world perceived her, but entirely different for me, to whom all of this was new. I'd never really had to stand up for anything before, certainly not something that seemed to matter this much. Aly was looking at me as if she knew what I was thinking. 'If you let it scare you,' she said, with less ferocity, 'it can make you regret who you are. And you can't regret the way you were born, or you'll go mad in the end.'

'I feel like I'm going mad now,' I told her, not meaning to sound as though I was arguing.

She absorbed the sharp edge of my tone and simply nodded, reaching out to cover my hand with her free one. 'I know,' she said. 'But it'll be all right. We'll sort it out,' she assured me. I wanted to believe her, but I couldn't see how she meant to achieve what she planned.

'How can you be so sure?' I asked her.

'I'm not, I'm just choosing to be optimistic,' she replied with a small smile. 'What else is there to do, really?'

'It's hard, Aly,' I admitted honestly.

'I know, Jen,' she acknowledged. 'But this isn't about whether you're into men or women.'

'But you know...' I started to protest.

'No, Jen, it's not.' Her tone allowed no arguments and I looked back at her quietly. 'It's about some bastard out there who gets off on insults and breaking stuff, that's all. There's always a reason, if someone's going to do stuff like that.'

'No one would have ever done this to me before,' I protested tentatively.

'No, they wouldn't have called you a dyke, you're right. They might have just mugged you in the street, or broken into your house and nicked your stuff. There's always something that could happen. You don't stay home all the time, just in case someone wants to break in.'

'No...'

'And you can't hide who you are and the things you want, whatever people think of them. Come on, Jen, you know what I'm saying.' Her tone as she concluded was almost imploring. She didn't want to sit here giving me unnecessary advice; she just wanted me to understand. And I did. I knew then I didn't want to hide anymore, even if the risks of being in the open were greater than I'd anticipated. Aly's words only confirmed what I already knew: there was no going back, no re-building of the walls or re-locking of the doors. Despite my anxiety, I felt a sense of fulfilled pride as I recognized the truth of it.

'Yes, I do know what you're saying,' I said, as reassuring as I could be, 'and I didn't need you to say it either. I don't want to hide and I know it's not a choice. I'm sorry, I'm just shaken up by all of this.'

'You don't need to be sorry,' she said, squeezing my hand tighter.

Neither of us was very hungry, but she made us slices of toast, which we picked at half-heartedly. 'Tomorrow, I'll ask the neighbors, see if anyone saw anything,' she said.

'Good idea,' I replied, though wondering what good it would do, even if they had.

Later we sat together in the living room, her arm around me and my hand on her thigh as we slouched on the sofa. I should have reveled in being so close to her, but our contact came more from a craving for physical reassurance than any other reason. We tried to block out the idea of what was on the other side of the door by watching a DVD, but it was useless and we turned it off before the movie was even halfway through. To prevent the silence becoming oppressive we turned on the radio, but it was still impossible to relax.

It was completely dark, and had been for an hour or two. I was resting my head on Aly's shoulder, beginning to feel a little drowsy as she stroked my arm, when I jumped violently, hearing a sound at the back of the house.

'What was that?' I demanded at once, sitting up bolt upright on the edge of the sofa.

'What?' Aly asked, startled.

'The noise, out the back.' I said, my mouth turning dry. 'I swear I heard something. A crash or something.'

'It was probably a cat,' she said, but she got to her feet anyway and made for the kitchen.

'Where are you going?' I asked anxiously, still rooted to the sofa.

'To have a look, see if it's worth worrying about,' she said. I stood up to follow her, my heart in my mouth.

At that moment, we both very clearly heard a sound, like a blunt object striking a wooden board. We gave a start, exchanged glances, and rushed to the kitchen window. It was impossible to see anything in the blackness outside. It struck me that someone could be looking in at us from just feet away, and we wouldn't be able to see them. I shuddered.

Aly switched on the outside light and opened the back door. As soon as she did, I heard her exclamation.

'Oh shit!'