How to Give Others Positive Reinforcement

Obstinate children, disruptive children, and slow-to-finish children may be brought into a spirit of cooperation with proper attention to positive expressions. Believe it when you say it:

• You outdid yourself today.

• You are improving every day.

• I'm proud of the way you finished your work because I know you don't enjoy putting things away.

• It looks as if you have been practicing because you are doing much better.

• This is complete. You haven't missed a thing.

Children who most often need praise seem to deserve praise the least. Be careful, be positive; be without flattery in your praise. Call attention to the two or three things done right, rather than the many things done wrong. Be an encourager with these words:

• The second time will be better.

• That's coming along well.

• You did several of them right.

• You are improving.

• I have never known anyone who tried harder.

• You have nearly mastered that.

• You are going to town — keep at it!

Grammar.

There are some cases of difficult grammar here. Pay attention to the following:

1. The sentence "Personal worth or esteem is something you have to recognize, appreciate and enjoy, or your answer to the question "How much are you worth?" will be, "Not much —probably nothing" has the following structure:

S or S

Nis N Nis N

2. The sentence "It starts as soon as we are old enough to hear our parents and teachers compare us to others" contains the Complex Object Construction. Mind that after the verb "to hear" the infinitive in COC is used without the particle "to" (so-called "bare infinitive").

2. The sentence "Many people we know are hurt terribly by little things we call social slights" carries two attributive clauses connected to the principal clause asyndetically.

2. The sentence "People with inner value don't feel hostile towards others, aren't out to prove anything, can see the truth more clearly, and aren't demanding in their claims on other people" carries different types of predicates:

"don't feel hostile", "aren't demanding" — compound nomi­nal;

"aren't out" -— simple, verbal;

"can see" — compound verbal modal.

5. The sentences "Rather than hear what you want to hear, listen for the facts of the matter" and "Call attention to two or three things done right rather than the many things done wrong" contain a comparative construction. "Rather than" is a comparative subordinate (meaning "instead of). The forms of the verbs in the two parts of the construction are paralleled. E. g.

Rather than go he decided to stay; the bare infinitive "go" parallels the infinitive "to stay".

Comprehension Check

a) Grammar Search

1. Find sentences in the text that fit the following structures:

NVN, NVpN, NisN (A).

2. Find examples of Complex Object Construction.

3. Find complex sentences with syndetic and asyndetic attributive clauses.

4. Find sentences that contain different types of predicates.

b) Give the English equivalents of the following:

Постоянное провоцирование отрицательных эмоций приводит к тому, что подростки становятся неуравновешенными, возникает непонимание между родителями и детьми, тормозится личностное и профессиональное развитие.

Способность «зажигаться» — это качество, идущее от внутреннего настроя, его нельзя привнести извне.

Люди с чувством собственного достоинства не испытывают вражды к другим, не пытаются ничего доказать, яснее видят суть и не предъявляют претензий к другим людям.

Люди из самых скромных семей часто становятся одними из самых достойных.

То, как вы относитесь к жизни и как воспринимаете ее, является самым существенным моментом.

Не поддавайтесь желанию слышать то, что вам хотелось бы услышать, а вслушивайтесь, стараясь отделить факты от всего наносного.

c) Find in the text the phrases and sentences that say:

...We wanted so much to be accepted in the exclusive group.

... I went out of my way trying to be funny and smart to attract attention.

...when so much attention is given to outward features...

...Many of us got to know the superior hand of adults.

You can learn to be optimistic.

...Don't go too far in praising somebody.

d) Translate the following passages into Russian:

Personal worth or esteem is something you have to recognize, appreciate and enjoy, or your answer to the question "How much are you worth?" will be "Not much — probably nothing."

People who doubt their own capabilities and have a poor opinion of themselves become depressed, angry or jealous with slight provocation ...People with inner value don't feel hostile toward others, aren't out to prove anything, can see the truth more clearly, and aren't demanding in their claims on other people.

Don't let negative people determine your self-worth.

Don't be a grudge collector.

Don't give in to the ads and fads. Look for and listen for the truth.

Call attention to the two or three things done right rather than the many things done wrong.

Discussion

1. Salary, possessions, position. Nobody can deny that those are very important things and, roughly speaking, they stand for what we achieved in life. But are they the only components that make up an individual's worth? What is the author's opinion?

2. In the second paragraph Denis Waitley speaks about the erosion of self-esteem and about how each period in a person's life contributes to the process of erosion. Quote the text to prove it.

3. According to Denis Waitley, how is self-esteem related to a person's ability to handle a situation when he/she is confronted with social slights?

4. What does Denis Waitley say about the familial background as related to being the best one can be? What is your opinion? Can you give examples to illustrate the idea?

5. Is it possible to develop self-esteem? In the list of do's and don'ts, Denis Waitley gives some practical tips to help us with our self-esteem. Prioritize them from your own point of view (rearrange according to their importance). If you think that some items are not that important, skip them.

6. Is self-esteem an inborn quality? Can it be cultivated? If we are responsible for bringing up children, we must remember that every child is different (like everybody else is different). Alongside with children who are cooperative, active, enthusiastic and easy to deal with, there are disruptive, obstinate and slow-to finish children. How can self-esteem be cultivated in the latter type? Do you think the encouraging phrases Denis Waitley offers would be effective? Do you believe in encouragement?

7. In what episode does Denis Waitley express his opinion that it's not always nice to try and play the first fiddle? Sometimes it is worthwhile to let others play it, and it's beneficial to both the parties. One can think that this episode has little to do with the issue of self-esteem, but it does. How can you explain it?

8. Now that you have discussed the chapter, give your interpretation of the title, or entitle it in your own way.