1Reviews and everything / Family Finances
.docAlex Kvartalny @ flamedragon27.blogspot.com
Group 501
Family Finances Translation
Psychologists claim that disagreements about money is the main reason for the majority of family squabbles. This might be related to the fact that money is often a stand-in for your feelings about life’s cornerstones: security, power, independence and love and also about the emotional content of the relationship with your spouse. If the partner refuses to share the money then he is often uncertain about relationship as a whole. Someone who lavishes presents on their partner may be desperate for some kind of reassurance back. In other words, money is a metaphor for something else.
When you are in the thick of the conflict, it may seem that the partners will never see eye to eye. In order to avoid the situation when the issue of family finances leads to divorce or separation, psychologists recommend that money issues be aired before getting married, cohabitating or setting up a common household. This is the very case when it is necessary to always set out the initial rules. In fact, young couples are unable to discuss finances, the issues are often not aired, which leads to all sorts of resentments building up.
Many couples assume that because they have fallen in love their attitude to finance will also be the same. But their views – shaped by their own family background, culture, experiences and personality – are often very different. It is quite common to find someone who never runs up credit card bills and is slightly tight living married to someone who is always up to the maximum. This is why it is necessary to find out what obstacles a young family can face, try to understand emotions and opinions and suggest possible ways of how couples can arrange their finances.
The reason for most money conflicts is different money habits. Women tend to be impulse shoppers earlier in their careers, while men are more likely to become mega-shoppers as they age. However, the money habits are likely to be the result of different time orientations. The spender lives in the present, while the saver is focused on the future. In order to solve this problem the partners can try a role reversal and apart from that they can keep a “money-watch diary”. After a few weeks, add up the numbers and see where your money is going and for what reasons. You’ll have a mirror that reflects what you value in your life and how you treat yourself. Women tend to equate the partner’s reluctance to spend money on them as greed on the emotional plane as well. She takes it as his withholding love. For him hefty savings represent security. Reality-testing may be the litmus paper to determine his real feelings in this case. Ask yourself: “Is the man caring and attentive?” It is also possible that the partners have different beliefs about how much they should spend because of the attitudes developed in childhood. In some families spending liberally is a sign of affection. When parents are more comfortable spending money on children than spending time with them, kids grow up measuring love in terms of dollars and gifts.
The widespread money problem springs out from different incomes. Before women entered the workforce, men usually paid the bills, and often had the final say when it came to how money was spent. Now that both partners have their own incomes, there should be greater equity between them. But it doesn’t always work out that way. Women still tend to make a lot less money than men and many of them are appear to be confused about just how much financial weight they should pull. On some level they still expect to be taken care of by a man who will pay the lion’s share of the expenses. Such mixed feelings reflect partners’ ambiguous feelings about independence. Despite the fact that many women are supporting themselves deep down they would like to be supported by a man. On the other hand many women do not try to get high-paying jobs because they are afraid the man won’t be attracted to them. Besides, within a family the one who makes more money may resent paying more, and the one who makes less money is left feeling inadequate or sensing that he or she has a reduced say in joint decisions and feeling guilty that they are not pulling their weight. In such a case it is very important that the partner who earns more does not use money as a power tool, especially if that person is female. Men can feel quite emasculated if they think they have to ask for pocket money. It is vital to work as a team and not police each other. In such situations couples would need to decide which particular formula suits them: whether the high earner pays most of the bills but hangs on to more spending money. both partners end up with the same amount of spending money.
Another complicated issue about family finances is that couples refuse to have mingled finances. Unwillingness to be financially dependent on another person is perhaps related to the opinion that financial independence represents security if they are dumped; they may also believe that it gives them the power to do the dumping. In this case you need to realise that becoming a family, the transition from “me” to “we” doesn’t have to mean giving up autonomy. Of the possible solutions to the problem is the three- or four account system, when each of the partners has one joint or two savings and current account and one individual account for personal use.
The first love and money question a couple faces is the one about who should pay the check. A study reveals that that most guys expect to be the ones making the quick draw for the wallet. When a woman offers to split the tab men are confused: is it simply a sign of the time, being polite or being interested? However, it is apparent that in longer relationships, Dutch is the accepted language.
Communication is the key to resolving money problems within a family. From the very beginning it is necessary that the relationships be as honest and trusting as possible. It is vital to talk about how money was handled in your families, whether your allowance was freely given or begrudged, who payed the bills. Once the roots of money attitudes have been dragged out into the light, you can get a handle on fixing a concrete situation. Even the couples that do not live together may try to share small amounts of money in order to see how fast different beliefs emerge about ways to spend money and what to buy and at the same time to talk about them. Weekly “business meeting” may become an effective solution since during those meetings there will be time to discuss the family budget and contentious issues so that they don’t spill over into the rest of your relationship. Since to a certain degree a family is like a new company that in order to be successful needs an objective, a business-plan and a board of directors. But the most important step that can be taken to solve the problem of family finances is to acknowledge and respect the differences that the family members might have. As long as there is commitment and trust, any problem can be solved and there is nothing impossible if you think it is possible, financial consultants say.