1Reviews and everything / What makes a good parent essay
.docAlex Kvartalny
Group 501
Essay on What Makes a Good Parent
The older I get the more often I ask myself the question “What makes a good parent?” As a would-be parent I cannot ignore the issue of rearing a child. Undoubtedly, parents play the most significant role in the process of upbringing although one hould bear in mind the role of society, school etc. Being a parent is one of the most challenging but rewarding jobs anyone could ever adopt. It is the longest task and responsibility that an individual will ever perform. Parenting is an active process that demands that individuals use their skills and knowledge plan, give birth, raise, and provide for children. The parenting process includes protecting, nourishing, and guiding the child. It involves a series of interaction between the parent and the child through the life span.
What methods and techniques should be employed in rearing children? There are different theories nowadays. Each of them has its opponents and supporters. But no other concepts have caused so much controversy as the ideas of permissiveness and authoritativeness. Each of them has its advantages and disadvantages. If we take the theory of authoritativeness, for instance, we find pros: 1. responsibility and concern about bringing-up of children; 2. discipline and responsibility of children; 3. children tend to be successful and independent; 4. parents are always ready to judge children and to give good advice; 5. disciplined children manage social manners easily; cons: 1. traumatic experience resulted by strict rules and spanking; 2. lack of self-esteem and social skills; 3. strict rules and discipline leaves no place for creativity; 4. lack of independence; 5. development of guilt complex and punishment. On the other hand, the theory of permissiveness has its advantages: pros: 1. closer contact between parents and children; 2. children grow up happy and self-confident; 3. parent's self-esteem boosters by the fact that they are friends with the child; 4. development of a child's independence; 5. creativity and originality are developed; and disadvantages: 1. lack of support and motivation; 2. children may become confused and embittered, unable to set controls on themselves; 3. children come out of control - violent adolescent rebellion; 4. growth of juvenile delinquency; 5. difficulties adjusting to society; 6. lack of skills of decision-making.
I think that neither of the systems is full and complete but it is discernible that the parenting role has shifted its paradigm from fear-based to love-based. And positive requests to children, listening carefully, showing appreciation really work wonders.
However good parents’ intentions may be, they should understand that they are different from their children, they grew up in different times. NOWADAYS THE older people and the younger population complain of generation gap and of breaking down the communication between these twos. But who is to blame? I think both go amiss now and then.
There is a great hue and cry raised by the elders and the young both that the communication between them has broken down and they accuse each other for and bemoan this state of affairs. They attribute it to generation gap. Majority in the society carries along with this moroseness and never pauses to think the why and how of the problem.
The elders are more critical of the younger generation with a big inventory of complaints against the young and the young mostly tend to ignore the grumbling, mumbling and occasional loud protestations of the older generation. But now and then they do protest. They resent the petting attitude of the elders.
The generation gap, however, is a deeper malady than viewed superficially. There may be the following differences between the old and the young:
Of ideas on general conduct comprising dress, food habits etc.
Morality, marriage & career
Of tastes on art, music, literature, and in short total outlook.
Family unit breaking up and gradually losing the importance it once had. The central authority of the paternal figure becoming redundant.
Imposition of the self-righteous attitude of the older generation on the young.
Biological evolutionary difference
It is generally observed that the old behave like a frog in the well. They are fully convinced that the ideas they have had throughout their lives are the ultimate and ideal. They ignore certain vital factors that are no longer valid in the case of the modernity. There always has been generation gap since the dawn of civilization. The young have always deviated from the older standards and it was well that they did because as Frank Zappa said, 'Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.'
It will be generally agreed that most fathers want their offspring to adopt the same profession that they themselves followed without giving due weight to the aptitude of the offspring. This causes tension between the elders and the children. The younger generation is more intellectually evolved than the preceding one. But the ego of the older people does not permit them to accept this hard truth and they would always like to play the role of the destiny makers of the younger ones.
Traditions, culture, moral definitions keep changing. To criticize these changes is to expose oneself to ridicule and is unwise. If one persists in it, one widens the generation gap and certainly has no business to criticize the youth. Those who are young today will face the same predicament when their time comes.
The family unit is breaking up. The central authority is losing its power. Every member of the family earns or has to earn. One who earns won’t accept the authority of the other that is equal usually to that of the father. In olden days only the family head earned and the others lived on his income. Thus he held the baton of power. Now, he must surrender it to the young. If he doesn’t yield, there are bound to be conflicts and unrest in the family.
But every rose has a thorn. The younger generation should also be on their guard against the evils coming in train with the fast life. Stress, depression, frustration as a result of a race for ascendancy shouldn’t be ignored or they can rob them of the fruit of their labour and their dreams. The young are our future, the future of humanity, of the human race on mother earth.
Another hazard is teenage sex. The society realizes this danger and that is the reason for heated arguments about sex education. Most adults fall into opposing camps on exactly which of the facts of life to teach? Should it be comprehensive or should the abstinence-only approach be implemented in schools? The supporters of the first argue that sex is good but it has to be appropriate. And it is only appropriate when you are married. It is the best way to stop STDs and contraception does not seem to be good enough. The supporters of the comprehensive approach believe that sex education is the only way to decrease the incidents of pregnancy among teenagers and sexually transmitted diseases. Besides, the abstinence-only approach is fear-based and guilt-driven. There is also hypocrisy behind it, since there are also gay and transsexual kids.
At the end of the day, bearing in mind all the things mentioned I can conclude that when I rear my child I will of course do that understanding that my kids have come into this world through me, not for me. I will do my best to help them develop their full potential and make independent choices since I believe this is what education is all about. As I was thumbing my way through the Highlands where my heart is I was picked up by a man from the Isle of Skye. Among other things he told me that he had decided to quit working as a teacher since there were to many instructions from the government. He also told me that when he visited his friend in Norway he saw a poster. In that poster were two open hands and a bird flying out of them. When John asked his friend where all the instructions on how to teach were, his friend replied that the only instruction was on the wall – to teach the children in such a way so that they could fly.