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.docAlexander Kvartalny
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Review on Gloria Hunniford's TV Talk Show What Makes a Good Parent
The issue of relations between parents and children has always been contentious. It is even more so nowadays with the speed of societal development being faster than ever. The statistics about the present-day family situation are alarming: the number of difficult kids and the rising level of violence zero in on one of the many problems a family institution faces. Many parents are in two minds about bringing their children up. On the one hand we have the theory of permissiveness that tells us that a child is encouraged to behave without restriction; it denies punishment in any form and sees discussion and persuasion as the main methods in raising children. Opposed to it is the theory of authoritativeness that supports strict order and ample application of punishment. Both the views have their advantages and disadvantages, for example extreme permissiveness over the years can make adolescent rebellion against parents violent. But being authoritative can make a child never recover from the grim traumatic experience.
What is the ideal balance between authoritativeness and permissiveness? How can a parent provide security for their children? What are the typical mistakes made while rearing a child? In her talk show What Makes a Good Parent Gloria Hunniford tries to find answers to some of the questions mentioned above. Some words can be said about the presenter. Gloria Hunniford was the first woman to have her own daily radio show on Radio 2, which she presented for thirteen years until 1995. Her show Open House gave Channel 5 its highest ever ratings. She has won many prestigious awards including TV Personality of the Year and has made a highly successful health video called Fit For Life.
The first guests of the show are Ken Livingstone and his mother. Ken tells the audience about his family and how he believes his parents managed to create a sensible balance of both an authoritative and a permissive household. Ken’s saying that he appreciates most of what his parents gave him, especially the sense of security and the knowledge that he was loved and that the parents respected him can be proven by the fact that although his father had died long time ago, Ken’s father is always with him: in his dreams taking part in his son’s life. The relationships between the mother and the son are nice and warm, at least during the talk show. The conversation leaves an impression of Ken’s listening to whatever his mother has to say to him, thus showing respect to her.
Ulrika Jonsson’s mother Gun Browdie tells Gloria Hunniford that her child has always been extravert. She then continues with her story of how she left the child all on her own with her husband when Ulrika was only 8 years old. There was no one to support the mother’s decision of moving to Amsterdam, except for her daughter perhaps who was very adaptable and bore with her mother’s absence while performing some chores and duties of a wife for her father. Although Gun was OK with leaving her child behind, Ulrika would have preferred her mother with her because she believes that because she lacked this sense of security as a motherless child she became so nervous as an adult. However, Ulrika really appreciates her parents never speaking badly about each other in front of her but would have liked more support from both her parents although she ‘learned a lot from living on her own’.
Ulrika’s story is followed by Richard Briers, a TV comedian and theatre actor, and his younger daughter Lucy, who decided to follow in her father’s footsteps. It was a somewhat difficult decision for the child to become an actress because of the risk of being compared to her parents. But she was determined and succeeded. As a child Lucy missed her father a lot because of his work and thinks that it delayed the development of their relationship. Lucy and her father think alike and the woman holds the view that their playing together in The Tempest by William Shakespeare will further this relationship and in the play they will be a father and a daughter as well. What Lucy thinks is that good parents should not forget to let their children know how much you love them and radiate a sense of security. The only thing in their relationship that can face criticism from my part is the father’s point of view that ‘if you want to do it, don’t, but if you have to do it, then do it’ that he gave while describing how sad he was about his daughter’s decision to become an actress. This authoritative mode of thinking is believed by many child-rearing experts not to allow a person to develop his or her full potential. The overall impression the guests leave the audience with is that love, care and freedom of choice is the key to parental success. Another message – knowing more about parents’ profession can bridge the gap between generations – is important as well.
The representatives of five generations sitting all at once in one room look most impressive. They say that they have lots in common and keep very close despite the fact that each of them has their own interests. They get on really well since they live away from each other. The grandmother thinks that the toughest period in her relationship with her daughter was the teenage period because that is the time when children want to be individuals, they want more freedom. The daughter admits that since becoming a mother herself her understanding of and closeness with her mother has increased. Blood relationship is the strongest link that binds families together. The message of this episode from the show is that of continuity of generation.
The parents who fostered forty children think that the relationship between parents and kids is mutually beneficial because it allows one to learn from it. The mother underlines that her children are special, encourages sharing and believes that parents who have a lot of kids must be sure they have enough time to pay attention to every child. And although that is not an easy task, these parents who had won the Family of the Year award say they have an abundance of love and affection to give all these children.
Another person to give his opinion on the issue is Ivan Sokolov, the founder of the Parent Link foundation that teaches single parents how to be a good parent. The important things in child rearing are: to be able to acknowledge children’s feelings. Mr. Sokolov also accentuates the value of a child’s communication with both parents, even in split families because a balance of energy is essential. He believes that children need the experience of living with men and women. And, by all means, it’s mentally healthy to allow non-parents to have contact with our kids. Mr. Sokolov is of the view that communication is the key factor to ensure and to give security in a split home.
On the show we can hear the opinion of Carol Stone, a TV presenter, on the problem and the guests. She spotlights the importance of approval while rearing children, thinks that in the presence of your parents you are stripped of all pretence, speaks on the importance of unconditional love that is something only a mother can give, warns parents of being overprotective and of parents wanting you to be something they didn’t become themselves. She also holds the view that no woman is good enough for her son, thus spotlighting how possessive mothers can be towards their sons.
Ann Raeburn, a journalist, when asked her opinion, tells the audience she is most forcibly stricken with the fact that she cannot sum up what makes a good parent out of the conversations on the show because each case is unique. Also, extraordinarily accepting nature of the children is unexpected and she is moved.
Many opinions were voiced on the show and one thing that should be remembered in particular is that there are no universal, ready-made solutions to the problem of being a good parent. Each case is unique and we must bear that in mind. However, there is at least one thing that all the families on the show had in common. I am of course referring to the cooperation and readiness to accommodate each others’ wishes, accept others and accept yourself.