LESSON 3

Exercises to be done before the text

I. Translate the following pronouns:

someone, somebody, something, somewhere; anybody, anything, anyone, anywhere; nobody, nothing, nowhere, no one; everything, everybody, everywhere, everyone; whenever, wherever, whoever.

II. Fill in the gaps with:

A.“some” or “any”:

1.Have you got ___ milk?

2.I’d like ___ apple juice.

3.He’s got ___ computer games.

4.Have you seen ___ new films?

5.They haven’t received ___ news.

6.She’s got ___ homework to do.

7.Are there ___ shops around here?

8.We haven’t got ___ pets at home.

9.Have you visited ___ towns this year?

10.Will you buy ___ bread and butter?

11.Have you got ___ news?

12.I’m sorry, I haven’t got ___ change.

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B.“somebody”, “something” or “anybody”, “anything”:

1.Has ___ seen this?

2.___ came to see you.

3.I haven’t seen ___ strange about this fact.

4.Have you heard ___ like this before?

5.There is ___ in the room.

6.Is ___ here?

7.___ asks you.

8.I don’t want to do ___ .

9.I’ve missed ___ very important.

10.Has ___ answered the question?

11.Can ___ tell me what’s going on?

12.I saw ___ coming into the laboratory.

III. Form words by means of the following suffixes:

a)"less"

colour, taste, father, home, sleep, use, hope, help; b) "ful"

colour, taste, use, help, truth; c) "able"

to obtain, to change, to improve, to expect

IV. Translate into Russian paying attention to the underlined words:

1. I wonder whether perestroika will be a success. 2. He is either unable or

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unwilling to act in this way. 3. These and other actions give one the impression that he’s right. 4. We had already dwelt on that at the beginning of this article. 5. That we can go there is certain. 6. That has turned out to be insufficient, however. 7. There are too many modern problems now that must be settled as soon as possible. 8. The Soviet society has deviated from the highroad of world civilization in a number of spheres, and religion was one of these. 9. I don't know whether he'll do anything. 10. They had to present all the data by the end of the term. 11. You must be present at the conference. 12. I hope she'll like my present. 13. I'd like to present you with a million of roses. 14. At present I don't work. 15. In the present work we'd like to present the data got in our lab. 16. The presentation was a great success. 17. Will you be present tomorrow?

V. Translate into English:

1. Я могу говорить по-английски. 2. Я должен посещать занятия регулярно. 3. Вы можете выйти (войти). 4. Ты мог сделать эту paботу вчера. 5. Завтра вы должны провести эксперимент. 6. Ты должен был закончить перевод неделю назад. 7. Вам следовало бы быть более внимательным. 8. Я не могу ответить на этот вопрос. 9. Он не может согласиться со мной. 10. Время должно показать, кто прав. 11. Мне надо идти, извините. 12. Могу я вам помочь? 13. Что я могу сделать для вас? 14. Ты можешь сделать это завтра? 15. Тебе следует позаботиться о нем. 16. Мы могли присутствовать на дискуссии, но должны были выступить. 17. Завтра ты сможешь отдохнуть. 18. Ты не должен был присутствовать там. 19. Интересно, смогу ли я поговорить с ним. 20. Интересно, должны ли мы дарить ему что-то.

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VI. Choose modal verbs for the sentences:

1. It is late. I ... go home. 2. My daughter is only five, but she ... read fluently. 3. ... I come in? 4. I'm afraid I ... be late. I ... go at once. 5. We ... meet at 6 today. 6. You ... take this book or that one. 7. They ... do this work carefully. 8. You ... speak English as much as possible. 9. You ... not attend this meeting. 10. You ... listen to the professor attentively. 11. ... you advise me what to do? 12. It’s going to rain. You ... take your umbrella. 13. It’s a very good book. You ... read it. 14. ... I ask you a question? 15. You ... get up early tomorrow. 16. You ... not do this. 17. We ... to go there yesterday. 18. You ... be more attentive.

VII. Choose the correct modal verb: must, can or may:

VIII. Form Participle I and II from the following words and translate

them:

to inform, to exist, to occur, to tell, to regard, to see, to present, to insist, to guide, to grow, to change, to acquaint, to call, to get.

IX. Translate the following:

1) the matter obtained, the public informed, the work published, reforms made, attention shown, the plan changed, the town founded, the picture painted,

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the program planned;

2)the student answering, the book including, the teacher telling, the event occurring, the scientist presenting, the programme including, a tour starting, the artist enjoying;

3)the materials tested required, the work performed showed, the results obtained showed, the equipment tested required, the problem solved proved, the experiments discussed proved, the results obtained required.

X.Remember the proverbs:

1.When two Sundays meet together.

2.Knowledge is power.

3.Business before pleasure.

Text

MOSCOW

The capital of Russia is Moscow. It is one of the oldest and finest Russian cities. Founded in 1147 by the prince Juri Dolgoruki, in the course of its long history Moscow played an outstanding role in the Russian state. Moscow saw much and experienced much. It had happy days as well as miserable ones.

On March 11, 1918 the Soviet Government moved from Petrograd to Moscow. Since that time Moscow has become the capital of the Soviet socialist state and now of Russia.

Moscow is old and young at the same time. It presents both old and modern Russia. One can see wide new streets, modern buildings, some skyscrapers and at the same time old monuments, the ancient Kremlin with its magnificent cathedrals. The best place to start to get acquainted with Moscow is Red Square. Ever since the 17th century the square was called red, which means "beautiful" in old Slavic. Here you can see the famous old monument to Minin and Pozharsky, St. Basil's Cathedral, the Spasskaya-Tower-great masterpieces

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of old Russian architecture.

A visitor to the Kremlin usually starts his tour by viewing the Kremlin cathedrals. Among the Kremlin museums one is the most popular. It is Oruzheinaya Palata ( the Armoury Museum) with its unique collection of gold and silver articles of the 12th-20th centuries.

Depending on the length of your stay in Moscow you can plan sightseeing programme through Moscow's streets, museums, exhibitions. It would be best to put yourself into the hands of a qualified guide. There are over 30 museums in Moscow. The most important and popular ones are the Tretyakov Art Gallery and Pushkin Fine Arts Museum. The Tretyakov Art Gallery is unique in the richness of its collection of Russian and Soviet fine arts, starting from the icon painting of the 11th century and including the works of modern artists. The State Pushkin Fine arts Museum has a fine collection of European paintings and sculptures. "The Battle of Borodino" Panorama Museum is another fascinating place. It houses a circular painting 46 feet wide and 380 feet long. The painting is the work of a prominent Russian painter F. Rubo.

There are dozens of theatres in Moscow. The Bolshoi, with its famed opera and ballet companies and its first-class symphony orchestra, enjoys the greatest popularity the world over.

Moscow is both the most important political centre of the country and one of the world's greatest centres of science and culture. Moscow is a student city. There are a lot of higher schools in it. And the main university of our country, the M. Lomonosov Moscow State University is here. It occupies a vast area on Vorobjevs' Hills, its main building is a 32-storey building.

Moscow changes from day to day. It has become one of the most beautiful cities in the world . Numerous parks and wide avenues make our capital beautiful and green.

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A great number of trips, long and short, can be made in Moscow. I like Moscow. Do you?

Grammar exercises

I. Point out the sentences where the words:

a)"listening" is translated as "слушающая":

1.You are listening to me, aren't you?

2.I have been listening to the latest news.

3.The girl listening to you is my sister.

4.While listening to his report they made notes.

b)"existing" is translated as "существующий":

1.Such problems are still existing.

2.The existing regime was severely criticized.

c)"made" is translated as "сделанные":

1.The cars made in the USA are exported abroad.

2.You've made many mistakes.

3.Such experiments are often made in this laboratory.

d)"supporting" is translated as "поддерживающие":

1.Supporting this scientist’s point of view we invited him to the

institute.

2.He is supporting his family.

3.The columns supporting the roof are made of white stone.

e)"travelling" is translated as "путешествуя":

1.Travelling abroad is interesting.

2.Travelling abroad I met my schoolmates.

3.I enjoy travelling abroad.

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f)"invited" is translated as "приглашенные":

1.The invited guests appeared to be nice people.

2.Being invited to the dean I was scared.

3.I am being invited to the president.

II. State form and function of the Participle in the sentences:

1. A thick notebook containing the text written by him has come into our hands. 2. It is the last unfinished work of a wonderful man and scientist. 3. He never considered himself an oracle knowing the whole truth. 4. The international laws and agreements signed by both sides are very important. 5. Having done this work we went home. 6. Looking through the newspaper I found some interesting information. 7. Having visited my native town I met many friends of my youth. 8. The results achieved depended on the methods used. 9. Having received the invitation we visited him. 10. Depending on my stay the program will vary. 11. Having been invited to his place I was very glad. 12. Having passed the exams successfully, I was very glad to make my parents happy. 13. I saw him bowing to my old enemy. 14. He came long before the stated time and made me angry. 15. Having got up early that day I couldn’t enjoy my work. 16. Becoming famous people are in the habit of forgetting old friends. 17. We saw them laughing at their director. 18. The article written by him made a great impression on his colleagues. 19. The report made by her was a great success.

III. Point out the Absolute Participial Constructions:

1. The letter having been written, I went to post it. 2. Coming up to the institute I saw my group students. 3. There are many theatres in Moscow, the most beautiful being the Bolshoi Theatre. 4. The mistake having been noticed, we corrected it. 5. Having discovered this law he used it in his work. 6. The

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problem having excited a discussion, new experiments had to be carried out.

7.Having finished the translation of the article we were given another one.

8.The students having obtained good results, the professor offered them one more experiment. 9. Having obtained good results we were very glad. 10. Being obtained, the results of the experiment were analyzed. 11. Having won a million dollars he stopped working. 12. The presents being bought, all the money was spent. 13. Being bought the presents were sent to the celebrity. 14. His health being undermined, he had to take care of himself. 15. Having won the elections, he became the president. 16. The raport having been made, we discussed it.

17.The program having been installed, we began to use it. 18. The examinations having been passed successfully, we could enjoy the rest.

Oral practice

I.Agree or disagree:

1.St. Petersburg is the capital of Russia. 2. Moscow was founded in 1147 by Y. Dolgoruki. 3. The best place to start to get acquainted with Moscow is its shops. 4. The Kremlin and Red Square can be regarded the heart of Moscow.

5.The Moscva river having been connected with the Volga, Moscow became the port of five seas. 6. There are few museums in Moscow. 7. Moscow was the Olympic Games capital in 1989. 8. Moscow metro is the best one in the world.

9.Moscow has many wonderful theatres. 10. All people of Russia like

Moscow better than St. Petersburg. 11. You are proud of Moscow. 12. Muscovites are very good people. 13. You have many relatives in Moscow.

14.The best way to get to Moscow from St. Petersburg is to go by train.

15.The best theatre in the country is the Bolshoi theatre. 16. It’s very difficult to live in Moscow. 17. You’d like to live in Moscow. 18. Moscow Universities are the best ones in the world. 19. It’s very easy to find job in Moscow.

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Remember:

a) expressions of suggestions, invitations:

II. Learn this dialogue by heart:

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III. These signs you can see at the airport what do they mean?

IV. Tell the following short dialogues in English:

A

-Давай пообедаем сегодня где-нибудь.

-С удовольствием. Но где?

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-Я думаю, что в ресторане "Сибирь".

-Замечательная идея.

Б

-Приходи ко мне сегодня вечером.

-Боюсь, что не смогу. Я очень занят.

-А как насчет уикэнда?

-Не возражаю. Думаю, что здорово повеселимся.

В

-Почему бы нам не прогуляться?

-Да, погода замечательная. Куда пойдем?

-Давай сходим на речку.

-Не возражаю.

Г

-Ты не хотел бы сходить на концерт нашей любимой группы?

-А что, они приезжают в наш город? Я не знал этого. Конечно, что за вопрос. Но сколько стоят билеты?

-Я пока не знаю. Но, думаю, будут и очень дорогие и относительно дешевые. Давай возьмем подешевле.

-Само собой разумеется. Я не собираюсь тратить деньги напрасно. Кто купит билеты: ты или я?

-Я полагаю, это сделаешь ты. Купи самые дешевые. А в следующий раз я куплю.

-Когда в следующий раз? В прошлый раз тоже я покупал.

-После дождичка в четверг.

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Д

-Давай проведем отпуск на Кипре.

-Замечательная идея. Но сколько это будет стоить?

-Конечно, дорого. Но, я думаю, мы хорошо поработали и заслуживаем хороший отдых..

-Согласен. Мы полетим или поедем на поезде до Москвы?

-Полагаю, мы купим путевки. А они включают проезд самолетом.

-Кто купит путевки?

-Хорошо, я куплю завтра же.

Е

-Ты не можешь заказать билеты на автобус на завтра?

-Боюсь, у меня не будет времени. Попроси Анну.

-Хорошо. Я поговорю с ней. Это хорошая идея.

V. Answer these questions about travelling:

1.Why do people travel?

2.What means of transport can travellers use?

3.Which means of travelling are the most popular now?

4.What is the best way of travelling for you?

5.Do country citizens travel more than town inhabitants?

6.What do people usually take with them while travelling?

7.Do you prefer to travel abroad or about the country?

8.Who can help you with your luggage?

9.Must you weigh your luggage on all means of transport?

10.What is good (bad) when you travel:

a) by air; b) by train; c) by car; d) by bus; e) walking?

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11.What notices can you see at the railway station or at the airport? 12.Do you plan your trip beforehand?

13.What do you usually see and do in new places? 14.Do you like to travel alone or with your friends?

15.Which countries (places) would you like to visit by all means? 16.Would you like to visit other planets?

VI. Would you like to fly to Mars?

German researchers are carrying out an unusual experiment. They have recruited volunteers prepared to stay in bed for nearly two months!

The experiment will allow the scientists to study the effects of a trip to Mars on the human body. The participants must lie in bed without moving for 8 weeks. They will also have to wash themselves and perform bodily functions while lying on their backs. During the experiment they will be allowed no visitors and will only be able to speak to their friends and relatives on the telephone. But they will be allowed to watch as much TV as they want.

Those who complete the tests successfully will be able to qualify to fly to Mars. The first missions will take place in some 15 years.

VII. Enjoy yourself:

1."If the Dean doesn't take back what he said to me this morning, I am going to leave college".

"What did he say?"

"He told me to leave college"

2."What is your chief worry?"

"Money"

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"Oh, I didn't know you had any." "I haven't."

3.Mark Twain once said: "It's the easiest thing in the world to give up smoking. I've done it a hundred times."

4.Isaac Newton was a member of the British Parliament, but he never opened his mouth there except once, when he asked somebody to open the window.

5.Conductor: Do you mind if I put your bag out of the way, sir? People coming in are falling over it.

Traveller: You leave it where it is. If nobody falls over it, I shall forget it

there.

6. Mr. Macdonald: I hear you are leaving the town on Sunday, Angus. What are you doing tomorrow night?

Mr. Macnab: Tomorrow - that's Thursday - I'm free. Mr. Macdonald: And the next night?

Mr. Macnab: I'm free then, too.

Mr. Macdonald: And what are you doing on Saturday?

Mr. Macnab: I'm having dinner with the Stewarts on Saturday.

Mr. Macdonald: What a pity; I wanted to take you out to dinner on Saturday.

VIII. Tell the following dialogues in English:

A

А. О, здравствуй, я не видел тебя целую вечность. Б. Какой сюрприз для меня! Здравствуй!

А. Как ты?

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Б. Я хорошо. Спасибо! А как ты? А. Тоже хорошо. Спасибо.

Б. Что ты делаешь здесь в Москве? А. Я живу в Москве, а ты?

Б. Я еду в Санкт-Петербург. Я остановился в Москве на один день. А. Ты хочешь лететь на самолете или ехать на поезде?

Б. На самолёте.

А. Тебе лучше поехать на поезде, на Красной Стреле с Ленинградского вокзала в Москве. Ты приедешь в Санкт-Петербург утром.

Б. Я изменил свое мнение и решил ехать на поезде. Ты знаешь, я впервые в Москве. Можешь ли ты показать мне её достопримечательности?

А. Конечно. Давай начнем наш тур на Красной площади. Я покажу тебе Кремль, собор Василия Блаженного, монумент Минину и Пожарскому.

Б. А не хочешь ли ты со мной в Санкт-Петербург? А. Я хочу, но не могу. Я никогда не был там.

Б. Санкт-Петербург - это большой город. Я постараюсь увидеть площадь Декабристов, монумент Петру I, Петропавловскую крепость, Эрмитаж и др.

А. Пошли ко мне, поболтаем, посмотришь, как я живу.

Б. Я бы с удовольствием, но сегодня не могу. Как-нибудь в другой

раз.

А. Я собираюсь в Америку. Б. Ты поедешь как турист?

А. Нет, у меня есть идея по организации совместного предприятия с моими друзьями в Америке.

Б. Ты знаешь, у тебя будет много проблем.

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А. Каких проблем?

Б. Во-первых, билеты очень дорогие.

А. Нет, это не проблема. Деньги за билет заплатит предприятие, где я работаю.

Б. Вторая проблема - доллары.

А. О, нет. Я уже обменял рубли на доллары в банке. Б. А ты уже получил визу?

А. Нет, но мне поможет мой босс.

Б. О, тебе везёт! Тогда у тебя нет никаких проблем. Счастливого пути. Замечательного путешествия.

А. Спасибо. Вернусь, встретимся. Я тебе позвоню.

Б

Фрэнк: Привет!

Виктор: Привет! Какой приятный сюрприз! Я рад тебя видеть, Фрэнк.

Ф.: Я также рад тебя видеть. В.: Как твои дела?

Ф.: У меня всё хорошо, спасибо. А как ты?

В.: У меня тоже всё хорошо, спасибо. Что ты делаешь здесь , в международном аэропорту Пулково? Ведь сегодня вторник. Это рабочий день.

Ф.: Я встречаю своего друга.

В.: Что касается меня, я встречаю американского бизнесмена. Ф.: О, как интересно! Как его зовут?

В.: Его имя - мистер Джонсон. Ф.: Откуда он?

В.: Он из Нью-Йорка. Он наш гость.

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Ф.: Сколько сейчас времени?

В.: Сейчас 10 часов. У нас есть несколько свободных минут. Пойдем

в бар!

Ф.: С удовольствием. Я выпью чашечку чая или кофе.

В.: Какой кофе ты предпочитаешь? С молоком или черный? Ф.: Я предпочитаю черный кофе. А ты?

В.: Я также люблю черный кофе.

Ф.: А сейчас мы должны идти. Подошло время встречать твоего друга из Нью-Йорка.

В.: О, да, самолет из Америки в аэропорту. Ф.: А где мистер Джонсон?

В.: Он здесь. Здравствуйте, мистер Джонсон! Добро пожаловать в Санкт-Петербург! Это мой друг Фрэнк.

Ф.: Рад встретить вас, мистер Джонсон.

В.: А сейчас, мистер Джонсон, мы должны ехать в гостиницу "Астория". Машина уже ждёт нас. До свидания, Фрэнк.

Ф.: До свидания, Виктор, до свидания, мистер Джонсон.

В

-Привет!

-Привет!

-Как дела?

-Хорошо, а у тебя?

-Также хорошо, спасибо.

-Как провел каникулы?

-Ездил в Москву к родне. А ты?

-Я познакомился с Санкт-Петербургом.

-Я бы тоже хотел!

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-Я в Москве уже был, а ты первый раз туда ездил?

-Да, очень понравилось! Особенно Красная площадь!

-Мне также было интересно.

-Я слышал очень много об Эрмитаже в Санкт-Петербурге. Ты был

там?

-Да, конечно, я туда ходил и мне очень понравилось.

-Наверно, в Санкт-Петербурге ещё много различных достопримечательностей?

-Конечно. Только набережная Невы имеет массу достопримечательностей.

-Когда я был в Москве, я ходил на Арбат, а ты там был?

-Нет, не успел. Зато я был на Красной площади, впечатляет!

-Да, согласен. Ты давно приехал?

-Два дня назад. А ты?

-Я на день раньше.

-Как ты доехал?

-Хорошо. А ты?

-Прекрасно! Доволен поездкой?

-Конечно, советую тебе съездить в Санкт-Петербург.

-Обязательно в следующий раз съезжу. Поделимся впечатлениями о

городе.

-Конечно! Пока! До встречи!

-До свидания.

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IX. Read this text about Moscow. Do you agree with the author?

Moscow

Moscow is a very interesting, but very difficult place to live and work. Inefficiency, on a grand scale, is the name of the game here. There are many days when any plan - no matter how small - is bound to be delayed, if not thwarted altogether. Writers of "To Do Lists" be warned: you won't get it all done. Don't fight it; just congratulate yourself with enthusiasm if you complete any task at all. Business people are under additional strain. As an American businessman put it, "All of us who are working here, who answer to offices in Western Europe or North America, are working under 21st century deadlines in a 19th century environment." It's true. Sometimes the phrase, "You can't get there from here" really seems to apply. Moscow looks like a fully functioning, modern metropolis: it has tall buildings, a public transport system, satellite dishes, and even McDonald's. But the truth is, behind the Western facade is a system that doesn't work, and this is a fact that most Westerners struggle with continually. Here are some overused, but under-applied bits of advice: Try narrowing your goals. Focus on small projects. Utilize your personal contacts. Expect the unexpected. Be flexible. Take a break now and then. And most importantly: keep a sense of humor. It is easy to get frustrated and to focus on the negative. Try to accomplish reasonable-sounding goals that can keep you working twenty four hours a day. Resist the temptation; there is more to life than work. This is an exciting time to be here. There is much to see and learn. So expect to face your share of difficulties, but plan to deal with them and move on to a deeper experience.

You will experience culture shock. You will probably arrive expecting some difficulties, but with a few successes you will feel like you're on the top of the world. The strange new environment you're in will require a lot of

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concentration, but you will find it fascinating, perhaps even exhilarating. We all know that life doesn't always go according to plans. If you are a person who needs control over every aspect of your life, don't move in Moscow. This city offers you little control. There are common situations when your minds shout , "This can't be happening!"; but it is, and there is little or nothing we can do about it. It is when you're exhausted from continually analyzing every word, situation, and person, that culture shock sets in. You may find yourself angry, bitter, depressed, weary, weepy, and desperately wanting to go home. You may start identifying all the things you think are "wrong" with life here. You may think you are losing your mind, that you should never have come, or that you must leave now. Slowly you will learn the skills you need to deal with these frustrations, while at the same time finding ways to fulfill some of your basic desires. Your understanding of what to expect will develop with experience. You will meet some like-minded people who can relate to what you are going through and help you work through it. In other words, hang in there, it will not last forever.

A car of your own. To buy or not to buy: that is the question. Depending on who you talk to, owning a car in Moscow is either a godsend or a headache on four wheels. For most of us, it's both. I believe Webster defines tension as "a calm day on Moscow roads". If you'd like to try it before coming I suggest you go to a cattle ranch and practice maneuvering your vehicle among a thousand head of steaming, snorting, stampeding beefs. During a snowstorm. And make sure your windshield wipers are broken. Oh, and try to stay in your lane.

The rules of the road are confusing, frustrating, rarely enforced and rarely obeyed.

Here is a brief list of unofficial rules that you need to be aware of:

- Trucks, buses and other large vehicles ALWAYS have the right of way,

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even, or especially, when they are going the wrong direction in your line.

-Between cars of the same size, the car whose bumper is further ahead by one or more millimeters has the right of way.

-Pedestrians NEVER have the right of way; they are always fair game, even when the walk sign is lit.

X. Misleading advice for foreigners.

The New Statesman magazine set a competition in which readers were asked to give misleading advice to tourists visiting England for the first time. These are some of entries.

-Women are not allowed upstairs on buses; if you see a woman there, ask her politely to descend.

-Visitors in London hotels are expected by the management to hang the bedlinen out of the windows to air.

-Try the famous echo in the British Museum Reading Room.

-On first entering an underground train, it is customary to shake hands with every passenger.

-If you take a taxi, the driver will be only too willing to give your shoes a polish while waiting at the traffic-lights. Never attempt to tip a taxi-driver.

-Public conveniences are few, unfrequented streets where relief is permitted are marked "P".

-Parking is permitted in the grounds of Buckingham Palace on payment of a small fee to the sentry.

-Never pay the price demanded for a newspaper; good-natured haggling is customary.

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XI. Do you know anything about the 1st of April? Here is some more information for you.

April Fool's Day

Many people like to play jokes or tricks on April, 1. The jokes are for fun only. They are not harmful or mean.

Sometimes you can hear April Fool's Day jokes on the radio or television. If you believe these jokes, you are an "April Fool".

April Fool's Day is thought to have originated in France. Before the use of the Gregorian calendar, New Year's celebrations ended on April, 1. When New Year's Day was changed to January, 1, the people who still celebrated it on April, 1 were called April Fools.

The old folk tale goes something like this: At the beginning of time, the Creator was giving out special gifts to each animal. After all animals received their special gifts, the Creator realized that he had forgotten to give something to human beings. To make up for this oversight, people received the best gift of all - a sense of humor!

What do you do when you hear a funny joke? When you see a silly show or read a comic book? You may laugh out loud or to yourself. Some doctors say laughing takes away pain and worry. It can keep people happy and healthy. So go ahead and laugh! It's good for you!

XII. Listen to the following dialogues:

A disastrous holiday

I = Interviewer

J = John

ITell me, have you ever had a holiday that went wrong?

JOh yes, oh quite a few actually.

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IWhich was the worst?

JThe worst? Well, I suppose it was while I was at university. My girlfriend Susan and I had two weeks well no, no, one week, one week of absolute hell and then things got a bit better.

IWhat happened? Did you fall out, have rows and things?

JNo, no it wasn’t that. The first thing that went wrong was that the country we were going to decided to have a war a few days before we were going there.

IOh no!

JMmm. So that was the end of that. But the plane we were going on was stopping off at Rome. So rather than not having a holiday at all, we thought we’d go to Italy. Very nice. See the sights. Go to the beaches and get fat with pasta. We were at the airport waiting for the plane and a friend of mine who lived near the airport had come to see us off. So we were having a few drinks in the bar and joking with this friend of mine, Peter, saying ‘Poor old you in cold rainy England. This time tomorrow we’ll be in Italy on the beach’. And I went down to see if the flight had been called and discovered it had gone.

IOh no! How?

JWell it was a terribly stupid mistake. We hadn’t checked the time of departure. I was sure it was going 9 something but it was going at 19 something which of course is 7 o’clock. So we were actually there in the bar when it went without us.

IOh so what did you do?

JWe were determined to have our holiday. The irony was that Peter was now going back to his comfortable home and we were stuck in the cold and the rain at 10 o’clock at night. You see, it was a charter flight so we couldn’t book another one. We lost our money and all the other flights were booked up.

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Well, we got a train to the South Coast and caught the midnight boat across the Channel, froze to death all night, it was a terrible crossing with people being sick everywhere. And eventually we got to I think it was Dieppe and then a train to Paris. We got to Paris very early in the morning and I thought we’d be all right. You see, we now had to hitchhike because a lot of our money had gone on the boat and the train, but I thought ‘Well, it’s very early in the morning, we’ll get a good place to start hitching and we’ll soon be well on our way’. We got to the start of the motorway and I just couldn’t believe it. I’ve never seen so many people trying to hitch a lift in all my life.

IWhy? What was going on?

JWell, it was then it suddenly dawned on me. It was August the first wasn’t it? And on August the first in France the whole population goes on holiday and there were hundreds of people, stopping the traffic, banging on drivers’ windows trying to persuade them to stop and give them a lift. It was chaos, disastrous.

IAnd what happened then?

JWell, we got moving eventually. A lorry driver gave us a lift. And then things started to get better, as we got further south and it got warmer, you know, and we thought’ At last, the holiday’s beginning.’ Well, we camped that night and we then set off again the next day. We got some lifts, and met a great chap who owned a vineyard. He took us back to his farm and we tasted all this wine-Burgundy, my favourite – and we had a great time. Now the holiday really was starting. Well, he took us back to the motorway, and there we were by the side of the road, the sun was shining, we were a bit merry, sang a few songs – you know, life was great. And we got another lift from ... well he was a maniac, complete maniac. He seemed nice enough, but within a few minutes he was driving at about a hundred miles an hour, overtaking on the inside on

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the motorway, with his stereo at full volume, one hand on the wheel and, well, the other hand on various parts of Susan’s body.

IWhat! so what did you do?

JI don’t know why I’m laughing I’ve never been so frightened in all my life. We were absolutely helpless. Susan tried to say that she had to go to the toilet, but he wouldn’t stop then she pretended to be sick in his car, and he stopped in seconds. He had this really flash expensive car, and as soon as he stopped we just jumped out and ran. The worst thing was tremendous drop from feeling so good to thinking that we were going to get killed.

ISurely that was the end of the disasters, wasn’t it?

JAr yes, just about. We eventually got down to the south of France and began to have a good time, and then down to Italy. We ran out of money, of course, but apart from that, it was good. I’ve never had such a tiring holiday. When we got back, I was exhausted. At the end of the holiday, I needed a holiday!

Interview between Ann Catchpole and Mrs. Olive Gibbs

Broadcast 9/11/82, Radio 4 “Woman’s Hour” “Released by Arrangement with BBC Enterprises Limited”

A = Announcer

AC = Ann Catchpole

G = Mrs Gibbs

Introduction

A Now at this moment, somewhere on the other side of the Atlantic, Olive Gibbs is probably chugging along the road, in the early morning in her tiny camping van. The travel bug came to Mrs Gibbs rather late in life. About 14 years ago, to help her get over the death of her husband she went on an overland

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bus trip to Katmandu. This fired her with the enthusiasm to travel more, but as she couldn’t afford to go on extensive organized tours, she bought a camper and took to the road alone. Now at age of 72, she’s clocked up about 75,000 miles on trips that taken her to America, Australia and South Africa. Ann Catchpole met her at her home on the Sussex coast just before she was setting out on her current venture, another wander around America, Canada and Mexico, that’ll take about a year, and she’d been very busy that afternoon packing up the van, mainly, as she told Ann, with stocks of food.

Interview

GOf all the meals that I have during the day, my breakfast is the one that I like. It’s not that I have a large breakfast but I do like my toast and marmalade. I’ve got quite a few pounds of marmalade in my van at the moment, I should think I have about 10 pounds, and when that runs out and if I’m down in California by then I shall make some marmalade. I take English things like Marmite which not many other countries of the world seem to appreciate. I’m also taking crisp breads to the United States because I don’t care for their bread very much. And I take biscuits because I don’t care for their biscuits very much. But otherwise I can buy everything I need in the United States. But I don’t like sp ... wasting my time shopping, so I carry as much as I can and visit a supermarket only when I’m forced to.

AC When you arrive in a country, for example, this trip that you’re going on to America, when you arrive, do you have a planned itinerary, or ... or what?

GWell, I know vaguely which way I’m going to go, but I do change my direction if there’s something I hear about which I think I would like to see, or I don’t like the road I’ll go a completely different way. And at the beginning of the day I don’t know quite where I’m going to sleep at night.

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I wait until I feel tired or I wait until I see somewhere that attracts me and then I stop.

AC What’s the reaction when you turn up in your little camper, when you go into these vast American camp sites?

GWell, the first thing I do, and I do this deliberately, I make myself a cup of tea, and I sit outside my van because I think it, it pleases the Americans to see an English lady having afternoon tea. But as soon as I really ... as soon as I arrive, especially in the United States or Canada, the men all want to talk to me about places they’ve been to when they were in the army during the war over here. Other people want to know and tell me about where their ancestors came from, and nearly always I have been to the places, or at least know something about them, because I do travel quite a bit in my own country as well as going abroad. In fact when I’m trying to unpack at the end of a day’s journey and get a meal in the evening, life becomes very difficult

because people gather round and want to know all about me and it’s almost dark before I can get on with my unpacking and getting a meal ready. But I do try to get my cup of tea in first.

AC Not only are you a woman, travelling alone, you are now 72. I find that incredible. I mean it’s intrepid enough for anybody to set off on a long trip at any age on their own.

GMost people of course are rather surprised, but I’m very healthy. You see, I meet other people who do much more adventurous things than I do. I met a young couple for instance in the United States who were cycling round the United States, and camping. Now I would not camp in a tent. That I should never have a minute’s peace. I don’t think I should ever sleep but I always think if anybody wants to get at me they’re going to have quite a job in a vehicle and you know I can make quite a noise with my horn to attract

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attention.

AC Have you ever been frightened? Have you ever been in any danger?

GNo, not real danger at all. The only time was in Zimbabwe, at that time called Rhodesia, and I was actually camping in Zimbabwe by the Zimbabwe ruins. And during the night someone went by with a torch. It woke me up, and I just thought it was somebody going to a toilet, and I took no notice. But when I woke up in the morning I found that a lot of my papers had been taken, and the wallet in which I kept them. And of course I didn’t realize at the time what was going on. It must have been the noise of the door closing which woke me up. I suppose I’m very foolish but often I don’t lock myself in my van at night. Sometimes I do if I feel at all nervous or if I’m in a camp site on my own, then I do lock myself in.

AC Where would you say in all your thousands of miles of travel on your own you’ve been happiest?

GIn a way it’s difficult to say because each country has something special about it. But I think the beauty of South Africa is something that I shall never forget. I used to stand sometimes when I was there and say to myself, ‘Just look and look as much as you can in case you don’t come this way again’.

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