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CHAPTER I
A NEW START IN LIFE
Lettie was wedded, as I had said, before Leslie lost all the
wistful traces of his illness. They had been gone away to France
fi ve days before we recovered anything like the normal tone in
the house. Then, though the routine was the same, everywhere
was a sense of loss, and of change. The long voyage in the quiet
home was over; we had crossed the bright sea of our youth, and
already Lettie had landed and was travelling to a strange destination in a foreign land. It was time for us all to go, to leave
the valley of Nethermere whose waters and whose woods were
distilled in the essence of our veins. We were the children of
the valley of Nethermere, a small nation with language and
blood of our own, and to cast ourselves each one into separate
exile was painful to us.
“I shall have to go now,” said George. “It is my nature to
linger an unconscionable time, yet I dread above all things
this slow crumbling away from my foundations by which I free
myself at last. I must wrench myself away now –”
It was the slack time between the hay and the corn harvest,
and we sat together in the grey, still morning of August pulling the stack. My hands were sore with tugging the loose wisps
from the lower part of the stack, so I waited for the touch of
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rain to send us indoors. It came at last, and we hurried into
the barn. We climbed the ladder into the loft that was strewn
with farming implements and with carpenters’ tools. We sat
together on the shavings that littered the bench before the
high gable window, and looked out over the brooks and the
woods and the ponds. The tree-tops were very near to us, and
we felt ourselves the centre of the waters and the woods that
spread down the rainy valley.
“In a few years,” I said, “we shall be almost strangers.”
He looked at me with fond, dark eyes and smiled incredulously.
“It is as far,” said I, “to the ‘Ram’ as it is for me to London –
farther.”
“Don’t you want me to go there?” he asked, smiling quietly.
“It’s all as one where you go, you will travel north, and
I east, and Lettie south. Lettie has departed. In seven weeks
I go. – And you?”
“I must be gone before you,” he said decisively.
“Do you know –” and he smiled timidly in confession,
“I feel alarmed at the idea of being left alone on a loose end.
I must not be the last to leave –” he added almost appealingly.
“And you will go to Meg?” I asked.
He sat tearing the silken shavings into shreds, and telling
me in clumsy fragments all he could of his feelings:
“You see, it’s not so much what you call love. I don’t know.
You see, I built on Lettie” – he looked up at me shamefacedly,
then continued tearing the shavings – “you must found your
castles on something, and I founded mine on Lettie. You see,
I’m like plenty of folks, I have nothing defi nite to shape my
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THE WHITE PEACOCK
life to. I put brick upon brick, as they come, and if the whole
topples down in the end, it does. But you see, you and Lettie
have made me conscious, and now I’m at a dead loss. I have
looked to marriage to set me busy on my house of life, something whole and complete, of which it will supply the design.
I must marry or be in a lost lane. There are two people I could
marry – and Lettie’s gone. I love Meg just as well, as far as
love goes. I’m not sure I don’t feel better pleased at the idea of
marrying her. You know I should always have been second
to Lettie, and the best part of love is being made much of, being fi rst and foremost in the whole world for somebody. And
Meg’s easy and lovely. I can have her without trembling, she’s
full of soothing and comfort. I can stroke her hair and pet her,
and she looks up at me, full of trust and lovingness, and there
is no fl aw, all restfulness in one another –”
Three weeks later, as I lay in the August sunshine in a deckchair on the lawn, I heard the sound of wheels along the gravel path. It was George calling for me to accompany him to his
marriage. He pulled up the dog-cart near the door and came
up the steps to me on the lawn. He was dressed as if for the
cattle market, in jacket and breeches and gaiters.
“Well, are you ready?” he said, standing smiling down on
me. His eyes were dark with excitement, and had that vulnerable look which was so peculiar to the Saxtons in their emotional moments.
“You are in good time,” said I, “it is but half-past nine.”
“It wouldn’t do to be late on a day like this,” he said gaily,
“see how the sun shines. Come, you don’t look as brisk as a best
man should. I thought you would have been on tenterhooks
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DAVID HERBERT LAWRENCE
of excitement. Get up, get up! Look here, a bird has given me
luck” – he showed me a white smear on his shoulder.
I drew myself up lazily.
“All right,” I said, “but we must drink a whisky to establish
it.”
He followed me out of the fragrant sunshine into the dark
house. The rooms were very still and empty, but the cool silence responded at once to the gaiety of our sun-warm entrance. The sweetness of the summer morning hung invisible
like glad ghosts of romance through the shadowy room. We
seemed to feel the sunlight dancing golden in our veins as we
fi lled again the pale liqueur.
“Joy to you – I envy you today.”
His teeth were white, and his eyes stirred like dark liquor
as he smiled.
“Here is my wedding present!”
I stood the four large water-colours along the wall before
him. They were drawings among the waters and the fi elds of
the mill, grey rain and twilight, morning with the sun pouring gold into the mist, and the suspense of a midsummer noon
upon the pond. All the glamour of our yesterdays came over
him like an intoxicant, and he quivered with the wonderful
beauty of life that was weaving him into the large magic of the
years. He realised the splendour of the pageant of days which
had him in train.
“It’s been wonderful, Cyril, all the time,” he said, with surprised joy.
We drove away through the freshness of the wood, and
among the fl owing of the sunshine along the road. The cot-
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THE WHITE PEACOCK
tages of Greymede fi lled the shadows with colour of roses, and
the sunlight with odour of pinks and the blue of corn-fl owers and larkspur. We drove briskly up the long, sleeping hill,
and bowled down the hollow past the farms where the hens
were walking with the red gold cocks in the orchard, and the
ducks like white cloudlets under the aspen trees revelled on
the pond.
“I told her to be ready any time,” said George – “but she
doesn’t know it’s today. I didn’t want the public-house full of
the business.”
The mare walked up the sharp little rise on top of which
stood the Ram Inn. In the quiet, as the horse slowed to a standstill, we heard the crooning of a song in the garden. We sat still
in the cart, and looked across the fl agged yard to where the
tall madonna lilies rose in clusters out of the alyssum. Beyond
the border of fl owers was Meg, bending over the gooseberry
bushes. She saw us and came swinging down the path, with
a bowl of gooseberries poised on her hip. She was dressed in
a plain, fresh holland frock, with a white apron. Her black,
heavy hair refl ected the sunlight, and her ripe face was luxuriant with laughter.
“Well, I never!” she exclaimed, trying not to show that she
guessed his errand. “Fancy you here at this time o’ morning!”
Her eyes, delightful black eyes like polished jet, untroubled
and frank, looked at us as a robin might, with bright questioning. Her eyes were so different from the Saxtons’: darker, but
never still and full, never hesitating, dreading a wound, never
dilating with hurt or with timid ecstasy.
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DAVID HERBERT LAWRENCE
“Are you ready then?” he asked, smiling down on her.
“What?” she asked in confusion.
“To come to the registrar with me – I’ve got the licence.”
“But I’m just going to make the pudding,” she cried, in full
expostulation.
“Let them make it themselves – put your hat on.”
“But look at me! I’ve just been getting the gooseberries.
Look!” She showed us the berries, and the scratches on her
arms and hands.
“What a shame!” he said, bending down to stroke her hand
and her arm. She drew back smiling, fl ushing with joy. I could
smell the white lilies where I sat.
“But you don’t mean it, do you?” she said, lifting to him her
face that was round and glossy like a blackheart cherry. For answer, he unfolded the marriage licence. She read it, and turned
aside her face in confusion, saying:
“Well, I’ve got to get ready. Shall you come an’ tell Gran’ma?”
“Is there any need?” he answered reluctantly.
“Yes, you come an’ tell ‘er,” persuaded Meg.
He got down from the trap. I preferred to stay out of doors.
Presently Meg ran out with a glass of beer for me.
“We shan’t be many minutes,” she apologised. “I’ve o’ny to
slip another frock on.”
I heard George go heavily up the stairs and enter the room
over the bar-parlour, where the grandmother lay bedridden.
“What, is it thaïgh, ma lad? What are thaïgh doin’ ’ere this
mornin’?” she asked.
“Well A’nt, how does ta feel by now?” he said.
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THE WHITE PEACOCK
“Eh, sadly, lad, sadly! It’ll not be long afore they carry me
downstairs head fi rst –”
“Nay, dunna thee say so! – I’m just off to Nottingham –
I want Meg ter come.”
“What for?” cried the old woman sharply.
“I wanted ‘er to get married,” he replied.
“What! What does’t say? An’ what about th’ licence, an’ th’
ring, an’ ivrything?”
“I’ve seen to that all right,” he answered.
“Well, tha ‘rt a nice’st ’un, I must say! What’s want goin’
in this pig-ina-poke fashion for? This is a nice shabby trick to
serve a body! What does ta mean by it?”
“You knowed as I wor goin’ ter marry ‘er directly, so I can’t
see as it matters o’ th’ day. I non wanted a’ th’ pub talkin’ – ’’
“Tha ‘rt mighty particklar, an’ all, an’ all! An’ why shouldn’t
the pub talk? Tha ‘rt non marryin’ a nigger, as ta should be so
frightened – I niver thought it on thee! – An’ what’s thy ‘orry,
all of a sudden?”
“No hurry as I know of.”
“No ‘orry – !” replied the old lady, with withering sarcasm.
“Tha wor niver in a ‘orry a’ thy life! She’s non commin’ wi’ thee
this day, though.”
He laughed, also sarcastic. The old lady was angry. She
poured on him her abuse, declaring she would not have Meg
in the house again, nor leave her a penny, if she married him
that day.
“Tha can please thysen,” answered George, also angry. Meg
came hurriedly into the room.
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DAVID HERBERT LAWRENCE
“Ta’e that ‘at off – ta’e it off! Tha non goos wi’ ’im this day,
not if I know it! Does ‘e think tha ‘rt a cow, or a pig, to be
fetched wheniver ‘e thinks fi t. Ta’e that ‘at off, I say!”
The old woman was fi erce and peremptory.
“But Gran’ma – !” began Meg.
The bed creaked as the old lady tried to rise.
“Ta’e that ‘at off, afore I pull it off!” she cried.
“Oh, be still, Gran’ma – you’ll be hurtin’ yourself, you
know you will –”
“Are you coming, Meg?” said George suddenly.
“She is not!” cried the old woman.
“Are you coming, Meg?” repeated George, in a passion. Meg
began to cry. I suppose she looked at him through her tears.
The next thing I heard was a cry from the old woman, and the
sound of staggering feet.
“Would ta drag ‘er from me! – if tha goos, ma wench,
tha enters this ’ouse no more, tha ‘eers that! Tha does thysen,
my lady! Dunna venture anigh me after this, my gel!” – the
old woman called louder and louder. George appeared in the
doorway, holding Meg by the arm. She was crying in a little
distress. Her hat, with its large silk roses, was slanting over her
eyes. She was dressed in white linen. They mounted the trap.
I gave him the reins and scrambled up behind. The old woman
heard us through the open window, and we listened to her
calling as we drove away:
“Dunna let me clap eyes on thee again, tha ungrateful
‘ussy, tha ungrateful ‘ussy! Tha’ll rue it, my wench, tha’ll rue it,
an’ then dunna come ter me –”
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THE WHITE PEACOCK
We drove out of hearing. George sat with a shut mouth,
scowling. Meg wept a while to herself woefully. We were
swinging at a good pace under the beeches of the churchyard
which stood above the level of the road. Meg, having settled
her hat, bent her head to the wind, too much occupied with
her attire to weep. We swung round the hollow by the bog
end, and rattled a short distance up the steep hill to Watnall.
Then the mare walked slowly. Meg, at leisure to collect herself,
exclaimed plaintively:
“Oh, I’ve only got one glove!”
She looked at the odd silk glove that lay in her lap, then
peered about among her skirts.
“I must ‘a left it in th’ bedroom,” she said piteously. He
laughed, and his anger suddenly vanished.
“What does it matter? You’ll do without all right.”
At the sound of his voice, she recollected, and her tears and
her weeping returned.
“Nay,” he said, “don’t fret about the old woman. She’ll come
round tomorrow – an’ if she doesn’t, it’s her lookout. She’s got
Polly to attend to her.”
“But she’ll be that miserable – !” wept Meg.
“It’s her own fault. At any rate, don’t let it make you miserable” – he glanced to see if anyone were in sight, then he put
his arm round her waist and kissed her, saying softly, coaxingly, “She’ll be all right tomorrow. We’ll go an’ see her then,
an’ she’ll be glad enough to have us. We’ll give in to her then,
poor old gran’ma. She can boss you about, an’ me as well, tomorrow as much as she likes. She feels it hard, being tied to her
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DAVID HERBERT LAWRENCE
bed. But today is ours, surely – isn’t it? Today is ours, an’ you’re
not sorry, are you?”
“But I’ve got no gloves, an’ I’m sure my hair’s a sight. I never
thought she could ‘a reached up like that.”
George laughed, tickled.
“No,” he said, “she Was in a temper. But we can get you
some gloves directly we get to Nottingham.”
“I haven’t a farthing of money,” she said.
“I’ve plenty!” he laughed. “Oh, an’ let’s try this on.”
They were merry together as he tried on her wedding ring,
and they talked softly, he gentle and coaxing, she rather plaintive. The mare took her own way, and Meg’s hat was disarranged once more by the sweeping elm-boughs. The yellow
corn was dipping and fl owing in the fi elds, like a cloth of gold
pegged down at the corners under which the wind was heaving. Sometimes we passed cottages where the scarlet lilies rose
like bonfi res, and the tall larkspur like bright blue leaping
smoke. Sometimes we smelled the sunshine on the browning
corn, sometimes the fragrance of the shadow of leaves. Occasionally it was the dizzy scent of new haystacks. Then we
rocked and jolted over the rough cobblestones of Cinderhill,
and bounded forward again at the foot of the enormous pit
hill, smelling of sulphur, infl amed with slow red fi res in the
daylight, and crusted with ashes. We reached the top of the
rise and saw the city before us, heaped high and dim upon the
broad range of the hill. I looked for the square tower of my old
school, and the sharp proud spire of St Andrews. Over the city
hung a dullness, a thin dirty canopy against the blue sky.
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