The Political History of the Devil

THE POLITICAL HISTORY OF THE DEVIL

grown a little humble, and makes use of meaner Instruments than he did before; for whereas the Priests of Apollo, and of Jupiter, were splendid in their Appearance, of grave and venerable Aspect, and sometimes of no mean Quality; now he makes use of Scoundrels and Rabble, Beggars and Vagabonds, old Hags, superannuated miserable Hermits, Gypsies and Strollers, the Pictures of Envy and ill Luck.

Either the Devil is grown an ill Master, and gives but mean Wages, that he can get no better Servants; or else Common Sense is grown very low priz’d and contemptible; that such as these are fit Tools to continue the Succession of Fraud, and carry on the Devil’s Interest in the World; for were not the Passions and Temper of Mankind deeply pre-engaged in favour of this dark Prince, we could never suffer our selves to accept of his Favours by the Hands of such contemptible Agents as these! How do we receive his Oracles from an old Witch of particular Eminence, and who we believe to be more than ordinarily inspir’d from Hell; I say, we receive the Oracle with Reverence; that is to say, with a kind of Horror, with regard to the Black Prince it comes from, and at the same time turn our Faces away from the Wretch that mumbles out the Answers, lest she should cast an Evil Eye, as we call it, upon us, and put a Devil into us when she plays the Devil before us? How do we listen to the Cant of those worst of Vagabonds the Gypsies, when at the same time we watch our Hedges and Hen-roosts for fear of their thieving?

Either the DEVIL uses us more like Fools than he did our Ancestors, or we really are worse Fools than those Ages produced, for they were never deluded by such low-priz’d Devils as

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we are; by such despicable Bridewell DEVILS, that are fitter for a Whipping-post than an Altar, and instead of being receiv’d as the Voice of an Oracle, should be sent to the House of Correction for Pick-pockets.

Nor is this accidental, and here and there one of these Wretches to be seen, but in short, if it has been in other Nations as it is with us, I do not see that the DEVIL was able to get any better People into his Pay, or at least very rarely: Where have we seen any thing above a Tinker turn Wizard? and where have we had a Witch of Quality among us, Mother Je – – – gs excepted? and if she had not been more of something else than a Witch, ‘twas thought she had never got so much Money by her Profession.

Magicians, Southsayers, Devil-raisers, and such People, we have heard much of, but seldom above the Degree of the meanest of the mean People, the lowest of the lowest Rank: Indeed the Word Wise Men, which the Devil wou’d fain have had his Agents honour’d with, was used a while in Egypt, and in Persia, among the Chaldeans, but it continued but a little while, and never reach’d so far Northward as our Country; nor, however the Devil has managed it, have many of our great Men, who have been most acquainted with him, ever been able to acquire the Title of Wise Men.

I have heard that in older Times, I suppose in good Queen Bess’s Days, or beyond, (for little is to be said here for any thing on this Side of her time) there were some Counsellors and Statesmen who merited the Character of wise, in the best Sense; that is to say, good, and wise, as they stand in Conjunction; but as to what has happen’d since that, or, as we may call

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it, from that Queen’s Funeral to the late Revolution, I have little to say; but I’ll tell you what honest Andrew Marvel said of those Times, and by that you may, if you please, make your Calculation or let it alone, ‘tis all one.

“To see a white Staff-maker, a Beggar, a Lord, “And scarce a wise Man at a long Council-Board.

But I may be told this relates to wise Men in another Constitution, or wise Men as they are opposed to Fools; whereas we are talking of them now under another Class, namely, as Wisemen or Magicians, South-sayers, &c. such as were in former Times call’d by that Name.

But to this I answer, that take them in which Sense you please, it may be the same; for if I were to ask the Devil the Character of the best States-man he had employ’d among us for many Years past, I am apt to think that tho’ Oracles are ceased, he would honestly, according to the old ambiguous Way, when I ask’d if they were Christians, answer they were (his) Privy-Counsellors.

It is but a little while ago, that I happen’d (in Conversation) to meet with a long List of the Magistrates of that Age, in a neighbouring Country, that is to say, the Men of Fame among them; and it was a very diverting Thing to see the Judgment which was pass’d upon them among a great deal of good Company; it is not for me to tell you how many white Staves, Golden Keys, Mareshals Batoons, Cordons Blue, Gordon Rouge and Gordon Blanc, there were among them, or by what Titles, as Dukes, Counts, Marquis, Abbot, Bishop, or Justice they were to be distinguish’d; but the marginal Notes I found upon most of them were (being mark’d with an Asterism) as follows.

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Such a Duke, such eminent Offices added to his Titles (* in the Margin) – – – No Saint.

Such an Arch – – with the Title of Noble added, – – –

No Archangel.

Such an eminent Statesman and prime Minister, – – –

No Witch.

Such a Ribbon with a Set of great Letters added, – – –

No Conjurer.

It presently occurr’d to me that tho’ Oracles were ceased, and we had now no more double Entendre in such a Degree as before, yet that ambiguous Answers were not at an End; and that whether those Negatives were meant so by the Writers, or not, ‘twas certain Custom led the Readers to conclude them to be Satyrs, that they were to be rung backwards like the Bells when the Town’s on fire; tho’ in short, I durst not read them backward any where, but as speaking of foreign People, for fear of raising the Devil I am talking of.

But to return to the Subject; to such mean Things is the DEVIL now reduc’d in his ordinary Way of carrying on his Business in the World, that his Oracles are deliver’d now by the Bellmen and the Chimney-Sweepers, by the meanest of those that speak in the Dark, and if he operates by them, you may expect it accordingly; his Agents seem to me as if the DEVIL had singl’d them out by their Deformity, or that there was something particular requir’d in their Aspect to qualify them for their Employment; whence it is become proverbial, when our Looks are very dismal and frightful, to say, I look like a Witch, or in other Cases to say, as ugly as a Witch; in another Case to look as envious as a Witch; now whether there

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is any Thing particularly requir’d in the Looks of the DEVIL’s modern Agents, which is assisting in the Discharge of their Offices, and which make their Answers appear more solemn, this the Devil has not yet reveal’d, at least not to me; and therefore why it is that he singles out such Creatures as are fit only to fright the People that come to them with their Enquiries, I do not take upon me to determine.

Perhaps it is necessary they should be thus extraordinary in their Aspect, that they might strike an Awe into the Minds of their Votaries, as if they were Satan’s true and real Representatives; and that the said Votaries may think when they speak to the Witches they are really talking to the Devil; or perhaps ‘tis necessary to the Witches themselves, that they should be so exquisitely ugly, that they might not be surpriz’d at whatever Figure the Devil makes when he first appears to them, being certain they can see nothing uglier than themselves.

Some are of the Opinion that the Communication with the Devil, or between the Devil and those Creatures his Agents, has something assimulating in it, and that if they were tolerable before, they are, ipso facto, turn’d into DEVILS by talking with him; I will not say but that a Tremor in the Limbs, a Horror in the Aspect, and a surprizing Stare in the Eyes may seize upon some of them when they really see the DEVIL, and that the frequent Repetition may make those Distortions, which we so constantly see in their Faces becomes natural to them; by which if it does not continue always upon the Countenance, they can at least, like the Posture-Masters, cast themselves into such Figures and frightful Dislocations of the Lines and Features in their Faces, and so assume a Devil’s Face suit-

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able to the Occasion, or as may serve the turn for which they take it up, and as often as they have any use for it.

But be it which of these the Enquirer pleases, ‘tis all one to the Case in Hand; this is certain, that such deform’d Devil-like Creatures, most of those we call Hags and Witches, are in their Shapes and Aspects, and that they give out their Sentences and frightful Messages with an Air of Revenge for some Injury receiv’d; for Witches are fam’d chiefly for doing Mischief.

It seems the Devil has always pick’d out the most ugly and frightful old Women to do his Business; Mother Shipton, our famous English Witch or Prophetess, is very much wrong’d in her Picture, if she was not of the most terrible Aspect imaginable; and if it be true that Merlin, the famous Welch FortuneTeller, was a frightful Figure, it will seem the more rational to believe, if we credit another Story, (viz.) that he was begotten by the Devil himself, of which I shall speak by it self: But to go back to the Devil’s Instruments being so ugly; it may be observed, I say, that the Devil has always dealt in such sort of Cattle; the Sybils, of whom so many strange prophetic Things are recorded, whether true or no is not to the Question, are (if the Italian Painters may have any Credit given them) all represented as very old Women; and as if Ugliness were a Beauty to old Age, they seem to paint them out as ugly and frightful as (not they, the Painters) but even as the Devil himself could make them; not that I believe there are any original Pictures of them really extant; but it is not unlikely that the Italians might have some traditional Knowledge of them, or some remaining Notions of them, or particularly that antient Sybil named

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Anus, who sold the fatal Book to Tarquin; ‘tis said of her that Tarquin supposed she doated with Age.

I had Thoughts indeed here to have entred into a learned Disquisition of the Excellency of old Women in all diabolical Operations, and particularly of the Necessity of having recourse to them for Satan’s more exquisite Administration, which also may serve to solve the great Difficulty in the natural Philosophy of Hell; namely, why it comes to pass that the Devil is oblig’d for want of old Women, properly so call’d, to turn so many antient Fathers, grave Counsellors both of Law and State, and especially Civilians or Doctors of the Law into old Women, and how the extraordinary Operation is perform’d; but this, as a Thing of great Consequence in Satan’s Management of humane Affairs, and particularly as it may lead us into the necessary History, as well as Characters of some of the most eminent of these Sects among us, I have purposely reserv’d for a Work by it self, to be published, if Satan hinders not, in fifteen Volumes in Folio, wherein I shall in the first Place define in the most exact Manner possible, what is to be understood by a Male old Woman, of what heterogeneous Kind they are produced, give you the monstrous Anatomy of the Parts, and especially those of the Head, which being fill’d with innumerable Globules of a sublime Nature, and which being of a fine Contexture without, but particularly hollow in the Cavity, defines most philosophically that antient paradoxical Saying, (viz.) being full of Emptiness, and makes it very consistent with Nature and common Sense.

I shall likewise spend some Time, and it must be Labour too, I assure you, when ‘tis done, in determining whether this

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CHAPTER VI

OF THE EXTRAORDINARY

APPEARANCE OF THE DEVIL,

AND PARTICULARLY

OF THE CLOVEN-FOOT

Some People would fain have us treat this Tale of the Devil’s appearing with a Cloven-Foot with more Solemnity than I believe the Devil himself does; for Satan, who knows how much of a Cheat it is, must certainly ridicule it, in his own Thoughts, to the last Degree; but as he is glad of any Way to hoodwink the Understandings, and bubble the weak Part of the World; so if he sees Men willing to take every Scarecrow for a Devil, it is not his Business to undeceive them; on the other Hand, he finds it his Interest to foster the Cheat, and serve himself of the Consequence: Nor could I doubt but the Devil, if any Mirth be allow’d him, often laughs at the many frightful Shapes and Figures we dress him up in, and especially to see how willing we are first to paint him as black, and make him appear as ugly as we can, and then stare and start at the Spectrum of our own making.

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The Truth is, that among all the Horribles that we dress up Satan in, I cannot but think we shew the least of Invention in this of a Goat, or a Thing with a Goat’s Foot, of all the rest; for tho’ a Goat is a Creature made use of by our Saviour in the Allegory of the Day of Judgment, and is said there to represent the wicked rejected Party, yet it seems to be only on Account of their Similitude to the Sheep, and so to represent the just Fate of Hypocrisy and Hypocrites, and in particular to form the necessary Antithesis in the Story; for else, our whimsical Fancies excepted, a Sheep or a Lamb has a Cloven-Foot as well as a Goat; nay, if the Scripture be of any Value in the Case, ‘tis to the Devil’s Advantage, for the dividing the Hoof was the distinguishing Character or Mark of a clean Beast, and how the Devil can be brought into that Number is pretty hard to say.

One would have thought if we had intended to have given a just Figure of the Devil, it would have been more apposite to have rank’d him among the Cat-kind, and given him a Foot (if he is to be known by his Foot) like a Lion, or like a red Dragon, being the same Creatures which he is represented by in the Text, and so his Claws would have had some Terror in them as well as his Teeth.

But neither is the Goat a true Representative of the Devil at all, for we do not rank the Goats among the Subtle or cunning Part of the Brutes; he is counted a fierce Creature indeed of his Kind, tho’ nothing like those other abovemention’d; and he is emblematically used to represent a lustful Temper, but even that Part does not fully serve to describe the Devil, whose Operation lies principally another Way.

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