Entertaining maritime english. Учебное пособие

"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now," says the pirate.

"Well, okay, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?" asked the bartender.

"We were in another battle." replied the pirate. "I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off, but I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."

Then the bartender asks, "So, what about that eye patch?"

The pirate replies, "Oh, one day we were at sea, and a flock of sea gulls flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender. "You couldn't lose an eye just from bird shit." The pirate responds, "It was my first day with the hook."

Exercises

Read this dialogue, translate it and retell briefly its content from the point of view of:

a)the bartender;

b)the pirate.

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It's pretty difficult for some of us to suppress a snigger and smile when we hear the names of some of the boats that people float ... especially if you are off the coast of places like the United States!

CHEAP CRUISE

A blonde student was looking at a bulletin board and saw a piece of paper that said «Cruise only £5.00». She made a note of the details, went to the address listed on the notice, walked into the reception area and asked the secretary about the cruise offer. The secretary nodded and asked if she had the £5.00. The blonde pulled a fiver out of her handbag and handed it to the secretary, who then looked over to a burly guy reading a newspaper and gave him the nod. He stood up and knocked the blonde over the head, rendering her unconscious. When the blonde woke up, she found herself tied to a log floating down a river. She began to think this had not been such a good idea when she saw one of her friends (also blonde) tied to a log floating along right next to her, and asked «So do you think they're going to serve us some food on this cruise?» The other blonde replied, «They didn't serve anything last year.»

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Exercises

1.Read the text.

2.Translate into Russian:

a)to make a note of the details;

b)to pull out of handbag;

c)a burly guy;

d)to give smb. a nod;

e)to render smb. unconscious;

f)to be tied to a log.

3.Answer the following questions:

a)What did the blonde student see?

b)Where did she come?

c)Whom did she meet?

d)What did she give him?

e)What were a burly guy’s action?

f)Where did she find herself?

g)Whom did she see right next to her?

h)What was the answer of her friend?

4.Retell the text

THE LIGHTHOUSE JOKE

This is a transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1998

US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course. CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!

US Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!

CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Exercises

Read it without a dictionary and reproduce with your partner, then change your parts.

«TOP TEN» SILLY QUESTIONS ASKED BY CRUISE SHIP PASSENGERS:

1.Do these stairs go up or down?

2.How far are we above sea level?

3.Will this elevator take me to the front of the ship?

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4.Does the crew sleep on board?

5.Does the ship generate it's own electricity?

6.To the ship's photographers: If the photos aren't marked, how do we know which ones are ours?

7.Is the water in the toilet fresh water or seawater?

8.What do you do with the ice carvings after they've melted?

9.Is there music in the disco?

10.What time is the midnight buffet?

Exercises

Translate these questions in a written form.

DPA – Designated Person Ashore – to ensure the safe operation of a ship and to provide a link between the company and the crew (The ISM Code. 4).

“There is no need for me to be polite – I am his DPA!!!”

FERRY STORY

Roger enjoyed living on the Isle of Wight, but he wasn't overly enthusiastic about taking the ferry back and forth from the mainland. If he missed the last one of the evening, he'd have to spend the wee hours wandering the streets.

Late one night, Roger arrived at the dockside and spotted the ferry no more than twelve feet away from the dock. Deciding that he didn't want to wait for the next one, or worse yet until the morning, he made a running leap and landed on the ferry's deck on his hands and knees. As he got up, he announced proudly to another passenger «I

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made it!» «You certainly did,» the other passenger replied, «but you should have waited a minute or two. We're about to dock.»

Exercises

1.Read the text and translate it.

2.Find the English equivalents:

a)чрезмерно энергичный;

b)несколько часов;

c)увидел паром;

d)прыжок с разбегу;

e)гордо объявил.

3.Agree or disagree:

a)Roger lived on the Isle of Wight and always used the ferry.

b)He liked to spend time wandering the streets.

c)He missed last ferry and decided to stay in the city.

d)He jumped on the ferry’s deck.

e)This ferry steered for the dock.

4.Retell the text.

“Do you really have a Garbage Management Plan then?”

AN OLD CAPTAIN

A tourist watched from the harbourside as a grizzled old fishing boat captain skilfully docked his boat. Impressed that an elderly man could still be doing such a tough job, the tourist decided to wait until the captain came ashore to have a word with him. When he did, the tourist complimented him on his strength and agility and asked «Captain, what's your secret to leading such a long and productive life»?

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«Well», he replied, «I would have to say that it's because I smoke five packs of cigarettes a day, drink a case of whiskey each week, eat fry-ups and never exercise.» «That's amazing,» said the tourist, «exactly how old are you?» The Captain answered, «Thirty-one.»

Exercises

1.Read the text.

2.Find the English equivalents:

a)седой старый капитан;

b)трудная работа;

c)сойти на берег;

d)сила и ловкость;

e)это поразительно.

3.Correct the following wrong statements:

a)A tourist watched a sailing vessel entering a harbor.

b)The Captain refused to speak to a tourist.

c)The Captain never drinks whiskey, eats healthy food and he is fond of sports.

4.Retell the text.

Are you sure you’ve checked that the sea valves were closed?

WHAT IS A SINGLE WHITE LIGHT?

The ship was a 10,000 ton cargo liner on passage in the South Atlantic from the UK to South Africa. This was in the days of the Suez Canal being closed, hence

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many extra vessels on the route and in the days when many masters still would not allow the radar to be used on passage. I was second mate on the 12 to 4 watch and came on the bridge to be told by the third mate that there was one vessel in sight, a single white light on the port bow, and that we were overtaking it slowly and would not be up to it for some time. I confirmed this light visually and accepted the third mate's assessment of the situation. He left the bridge and I retired to the chart room for the essential first cup of coffee.

No more than five minutes later I heard a dog bark. As we did not have a dog on board this produced a greater state of awareness than the coffee and I proceeded rapidly to the port bridge wing to find a small vessel abeam on a parallel course and unacceptably close for the sea room available, though fortunately not dangerously so. (Separate from this story is the fact that the dog appeared to be the only lookout.) In the further fifteen years that I remained at sea I NEVER again accepted a single white light at face value, with or without radar information!

Exercises

1.Read and translate the text.

2.Agree or disagree:

a)The Suez Canal was opened those days.

b)The author was a Third Mate then.

c)He saw a single white light on the port bow.

d)In five minutes he heard a sound signal.

e)He proceeded slowly to the port bridge wing.

f)He remained at sea fifteen years.

3.Answer the questions:

a)What was the situation in the area of the Suez Canal?

b)When did the author keep watch?

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c)Whose assessment of the situation did he accept?

d)Where did the second mate go? Why?

e)What did the author hear?

4.Retell the story.

TWO WISHES

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.

All of a sudden,he said out loud, «Lord grant me one wish». Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, «Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.» The man said, «Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want». The Lord said, «Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! 1 can do it, buf it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me». The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, «Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say «nothing», and how I can make a woman truly happy.» The Lord replied, «You want two lanes or four on that bridge?»

Exercises

1.Read the text.

2.Translate into Russian.

a)to be deep in prayer;

b)booming voice;

c)enormous challenges;

d)to reach the bottom;

e)to glorify smb.;

f)silent treatment.

3.Answer the questions:

a)What was his first wish?

b)Did the Lord agree to do it?

c)Was his second wish materialistic?

d)What did the Lord reply?

4.Make a short dialogue.

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WHAT WILL DISAPPEAR?

Captain to Chief Mate: «At about 0900 to morrow there will be an eclipse of the Sun. Since this doesn't happen every day perhaps we should gather the crew together on deck in their best clothes to observe this phenomenon. If it's raining then of course we won't be able to see it and in that case we'll have our meeting in the mess.

Thief Mate to 2nd Officer: «By order of the Captain there will be an eclipse of the sun at 0900 tomorrow. If it's raining we won't be able to see it from the deck in our best clothes. In that case we'll observe the disappearance of the sun from the mess. This doesn’t happen every day.»

2nd Officer to 3rd Officer: «By order of the Captain we will watch in our best clothes how the sun disappears in the mess at 0900 tomorrow. The Captain will tell us if it is going to rain. This is something that doesn't happen every day.»

3rd Officer to Bosun: «If it is raining in the mess tomorrow at 0900, which is something that doesn't happen every day, the Captain in his best clothes will disappear.»

Bosun to crew: «Tomorrow morning at 0900, the Captain will disappear. It's a pity this doesn't happen every day».

Exercises

1.Read the text.

2.Find the English equivalents:

a)собрать экипаж на палубе;

b)не сможем увидеть это;

c)солнце скроется;

d)это не происходит ежедневно;

e)в своей лучшей одежде;

f)жаль.

3.Retell the text.

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HE OVERDID IT

A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men. The ship steamed out of the channel and soon the port was far behind.

The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was a buzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain.

He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, «My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules. Make sure the Captain is aboard before getting under way!

Exercises

1.Read and translate the text.

2.Answer the following questions:

a)What opportunity was a young ensign given?

b)Was he surprised to receive a radio massage?

c)Whose massage was it?

d)What is one of the unwritten rules?

e)Where was the Captain?

3.Retell the text from the point of view of:

a)the young ensign;

b)a member of the crew;

c)the Captain.

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