How to be a good listener
Here is some advice if you would like to be a good conversationalist: be an attentive listener, encourage others to talk about themselves. To be interesting, be interested! Ask questions that other people will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and what they have done.
Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their problems than they are in you and your problems. A person's toothache means more to that person than a famine in China, which kills a million people. A pain in one's arm interests one more than earthquakes in Africa. Think of that the next time you start a conversation.
Diogenes, the Greek philosopher, said: "The reason why we have two ears and only one mouth is so that we may listen more and talk less!" Do you know how to get on with people? Do you ever feel shy? What situations make you shy? Do you sometimes feel as if you don't know how to interest and amuse people and have conversations with them? Do you search desperately in your head for something to say? Do people find an excuse to leave you as soon as they can?
Try listening!
Show the other person that you are listening. Look at them. Smile and nod quite often, and shake your head or raise your eyebrows if you don't follow what they are saying. Don't tap your foot because this will show impatience. Don't look at your watch unless you really have to know the time, (and then you should tell the other person why you need to know the time). If you show impatience then the other person will lose their confidence and you will lose the moment or friendship, which they are offering.
A good listener has magic! A good listener has the ability to make people feel good, and is as valuable at a party as a good talker. But just listening isn't enough. One should listen intelligently by trying to find out what the other person would really like to communicate.
Of course, at some point, you have to speak. The other person will need reassurance, they will need to know whether you have understood, whether you care about what they are saying, whether you are interested, and whether you want to hear any more. One of the easiest and most helpful ways of responding is to repeat the sense of what the other person has been saying.
Repeating the main points of what the person has been saying shows that you have been listening, and the fact that you have bothered to speak about, what they have been saying shows that you care. You might help the person by giving them a particular question to answer, it will show them that you are interested and they will probably get pleasure in answering your question. However, if you express an opinion on the subject you will be taking a more positive part in the conversation and a shy person is then likely to say less or even stop speaking altogether. (Of course, they may enjoy a discussion or even an argument, but that is another thing.)
Encouraging and discouraging
Let us suppose that you are at a dinner party talking to a person you don't know very well. This person tells you that they have just quarrelled with their father. Which of these responses would you give?
— O, well. Every family has its ups and downs! Can I get you a drink?
— That sounds rather upsetting. It must be bothering you quite a lot.
Obviously the person wants to talk about the unhappy situation. One of the responses will encourage this and the other will certainly not.
A good conversation
A good conversation is an exchange in which each person responds to the other even if they don't agree with them. Ben Johnson, the English writer and philosopher, said, "That is the happiest conversation where there is no competition, no vanity, but a calm, quiet interchange of sentiments."
Successful communication doesn't necessarily mean exchanging information. It often means just "being nice" to someone. Politeness and "being nice" to people in this way are essential for all of us. However, some people never go beyond politeness. They never really want to know how someone feels or what they have experienced. They might be embarrassed if someone really told them. You can only get on well with someone who likes the same balance of politeness and real exchange of information as you do.
Make sure you know the words:
encourage
a famine
earthquake
amuse
desperate
tap
impatience
reassurance
ups and downs
vanity
interchange
Find all possible derivatives to the following words. (Consult the dictionary if it is necessary).
encourage
amuse
conversation
patience
intelligent
assure
sense
change
polite
embarrass
sense
Find synonyms to the following words.
interchange
intelligent
vanity
embarrass
Translate the following into English using your active vocabulary.
В результате сильнейшего землетрясения в Восточной Африке, ООН официально объявила, что в регионе голод.
Вот несколько важных советов о том, как заинтересовать и развеселить человека во время беседы.
Прекрати стучать ногой, я не могу сосредоточиться. Ты такой нетерпеливый!
Не грусти! В любой семье есть свои взлеты и падения. Я считаю, что вам следует прекратить ссориться и говорить одновременно. Каждый из вас должен высказать свое мнение по этому поводу.
Во время беседы собеседникам следует найти золотую середину между вежливостью и простым обменом информацией.
Если ты хочешь вдохновить его на этот разговор, покажи свою заинтересованность, задавай такие вопросы, чтобы он сам хотел на них ответить, и будь внимательным слушателем.