How to be a Doctor

The business of a modern doctor is very simple, and you can learn to be a doctor in about two weeks. This is how it is done.

The patient enters the doctor's consulting room.

"Doctor," he says, "I have a bad pain."

"Where is it?" asks the doctor.

"Here," says the patient.

"Strip to the waist," says the doctor. "Stand up and put your arms up above your head."

Then he goes behind the patient and strikes him a powerful blow in the back.

"Do you feel that?" he says. "I do," says the patient.

Then the doctor turns suddenly and strikes him a blow in the left side under the heart.

"Can you feel that?" he says, as the patient falls down on the sofa. "Get up," says the doctor and counts ten. The patient rises.

The doctor walks up to the window and reads the morning paper for a while. Then he diagnoses the case: he mutters some Latin nonsense, more to himself than to the patient.

"Oh... what must I do, doctor?" says the patient, greatly frightened.

"Well," says the doctor, "I want you to keep very quiet: just go to bed and stay there and keep quiet."

In reality, of course, the doctor hasn't the least idea what is the matter with the man, but he does know that if the patient goes to bed and keeps quiet, he will either recover, or die a quiet death.

(Retold from Leacock's "How to be a doctor")

Exercise 21. Retell the above story.

Exercise 22. Fill in articles where necessary.

1. The old man was seriously ill. He was running ... high temperature.

2. I've ... bad cold in ... head. I must have caught ... cold yesterday when I ran out into ... yard without ... cap on.

3. She overworked and had ... bad headache. People who do not get enough ... sleep often have ... headaches.

4. I have only ... slight headache. No pills for me, thank you.

5. I have ... splitting headache and ... bad cold in ... head. I must have caught... cold. I am afraid I shall fall ill with ... flu.

6. I have ... sore throat. I feel ... pain in my side. — You must stay in ... bed and call ... doctor in.

7. Take ... table spoonful of ... mixture twice ... day after ... meals.

8. I had ... bad cold. I went to ... bed and drank ... cup of hot tea with ... raspberry jam. It helped to beat down ... temperature.

9. ... weather was bad yesterday. I must have caught ... cold when I was going ... home from. .. work.

10. He stayed at... home and called ... doctor in. ... doctor diagnosed ... case and prescribed him ... medicine.

Exercise 23. Fill in prepositions where necessary.

1. ... night I felt a sharp pain ... my side and ... my leg.

2. You look ill. Why don't you go and consult ...the doctor? Health is worth taking care ....

3. Most unfortunately he fell ill... pneumonia just ... the middle ... his holidays when he was on a tour ... the south.

4. The boy falls ill ... quinsy practically every other month.

5. I must have caught the flu on coming ... an overheated cinema ... the cold, damp air. I thought, judging ... the symptoms, that it was only a cold, but when my temperature rose and my headache grew worse, I sent ... the doctor. The doctor looked ... my tongue, felt ... my pulse, listened ... my heart and lungs and took my temperature. "It's quite clear what's wrong ... you," he said. "You've got the flu. Stay ... bed ... a few days and drink hot tea ... lemon.

6. He had a bad cold ... the head and complained ... a splitting headache.

7. The doctor told the patient to strip ... the waist and listened ... his heart and lungs.

8. This medicine is very good ... quinsy.

9. What's the matter ... you? — Oh, I am feeling fit ... nothing.

10. Drink a lot ... hot tea ... lemon to beat ... the temperature.

11. I was ill ... bronchitis and had to stay … … school ... a week.

Exercise 24. Practice reading the following sentences. Learn them by heart.

Are you running a temperature? У вас /повышенная/ температура?

It was nice to see you. Было приятно повидать вас.

I'll go to the polyclinic Я пойду в поликлинику.

Nothing of the kind. Ничего подобного.

A strong wind was blowing. Дул сильный ветер.

She told him to get into bed. Она сказала, чтобы он ложился в постель.

Exercise 25. Translate into English.

1. У меня болит горло. Наверное, это ангина.

2. Я вам советую обратиться к врачу, и чем скорее, тем лучше.

3. У вас больной вид.

4. У меня сильная боль в правом боку /в грудной клетке/. У меня болит горло.

5. У вас высокая температура. Вам нужен постельный режим в течение двух-трех дней.

6. Мэри больна воспалением легких.

7. Это очень хорошее лекарство от головной боли /от зубной боли/.

8. Он выздоровел, и сейчас совершенно здоров.

9. Вот термометр, поставьте его под мышку и измерьте температуру.

10. Ты неважно выглядишь сегодня. Что с тобой? Ты плохо спал?

11. Я себя плохо чувствую. Наверное, ничего серьезного.

12. У меня только насморк и головная боль. Пройдет!

13. Господина Брауна сегодня нет. — Что с ним? —У него сильный насморк, головная боль и кашель.

14. У него красные глаза. Наверное, он заболел. Измерь ему температуру. Вот градусник.

Exercise 26. Read and retell the text.

When you have a headache, a stomachache, a sore throat, a cold or a pain in some part of the body, you call the doctor. He takes your temperature and feels you pulse. He examines your heart, your lungs, your stomach or the part where you have a pain and tells you what is the matter with you. The doctor prescribes medicine and gives you a prescription, which you take to the chemists, who makes up the medicine. If you have a temperature you must stay in bed. If you cannot get better at home, you must go to hospital. If you need an operation for example if you have appendicitis, a surgeon performs the operation on you. If you are too ill to walk, you go to hospital in the ambulance. When you have toothache you go to the dentist’s. The dentist examines your teeth. He must put in a filling, or if the tooth is bad, the dentist extracts it.