2. Norms governing non-verbal communication: body language

The second social norm governing speech is non-verbal communication. Diversity in norms is matched in the area of non-verbal communication or what is sometimes called body language. Different actions can have different meanings in different societies, or be non-existent.

SMILE

For example, a smile, in the U.S. is normal. We smile to be polite, so smiling at a stranger is not strange at all.

RAISING EYEBROWS

The book offers the example of raising the eyebrows. In any given culture, it can mean: a greeting, an invitation, a warning, skepticism, disdain, doubt, interest, intrigue, or disgust. In America, it can mean interest, skepticism, and invitation, depending on how it is done and its context.

What does eye contact mean?

:What about eye-contact? What does it say between strangers? What about at a disco between a man and a woman?

PHYSICAL DISTANCE

Another non-verbal norm governing speech is the physical space between people in a conversation.

Your status in society or your social closeness or solidarity to another person is also reflected in the physical distance between speakers. It is safe to say that in most cases the physical distance between speakers is proportional to social distance, so that people who feel “close” to each other socially, generally stand physically nearer to each other in conversation than people who are not close, or if there is a difference in their power relationships.

What varies, often from culture to culture is the distance that is appropriate for a particular degree of solidarity. For instance Arabs generally set the distance much lower than Americans.

It is not strange to see two men who have a close relationship holding hands while walking down the street. This is only suggestive that they know each other well as friends.

In America, our distance between people, even people who are close, is much greater. I will always give even my closest male friend about an arms length of space. The distance is of course greater if I do not know the person.

What about in Ukraine?

Conversational structure

Non-verbal communication also helps us structure our interactions. By this I mean how a conversation takes place.

What do we do when we “enter” into a social interaction with someone we know or have just met for the first time?

We shake-hands. Often times, if it is a relative or someone we really like we might even hug them or give them a kiss. If it is someone we see a lot of maybe we just nod, but there is almost always some form of non-verbal communication that begins our social interaction.

The same is true when we end or “exit” our social interaction. We might shake hands again, or maybe just nod, or kiss someone goodbye.

What about during a conversation?

Nonverbal behavior is most noticeable during a conversation when we change turns.

Turn-taking

Turn-taking is when one person stops to allow another person to begin speaking during a conversation. When we exchange turns we often signal our stopping in the conversation for the other person to begin with a non-verbal cue. One way is through eye-movement.

If you want to let the other person speak:

Maybe we look into another person’s eyes to show our interest in listening.

Or maybe, if you are sitting in a chair, you scoot forward a little to let the person you speaking to, know that you are ready to listen.

If you want to speak:

In formal situations, such as a classroom, maybe you raise your hand to let the teacher know you want to speak.

Or another way to signal you are about to say something, is to clear your throat.

There are a number of these non-verbal cues. The next time you are talking with your friends try to pay attention to what they do and you do to signal the different parts of a conversation.

Finally, there are non-verbal ques for the content of a conversation. This is very obvious and common. We usually signal our interest and more often our agreement or disagreement by shaking or nodding our heads. This can be different in different cultures. I know in Bulgaria, people nod their head and click their tongue when they disagree.

In Arab culture too, to disagree with someone you move your head back slowly, raise your eyebrows, and also click your tongue.

Finally, there are a variety of non-verbal signals or gestures in every culture to suggest many different things. Anger, happiness, everything is okay, etc. I don’t think I need to elaborate on this. My favorite example, however, is the finger flick at the neck when someone wants to drink in Ukraine—this does not exist in the U.S.A.

3. Norms governing the quantity of speech produced:

Now let’s talk about our third social norm governing speech. This is the amount of speaking a person can do.

Americans, for example, usually talk a lot more compared to other societies. This is in contrast to an Indian society where few people speak at all.

What happens when someone starts talking to you and continues and continues…what do you do?

How do you feel when you are the only person talking in a conversation? How do you feel when you are in a conversation and the other person just doesn’t seem to want to say much?