First Few Months

In the next few weeks, Sabina continued to sleep a lot, remained withdrawn and isolated, and felt little motivation to do anything. Sabina readily engaged herself in therapy and was an open and active participant in our sessions. She began to see her excessive sleeping as a “cop-out” and began instead to use time spent in bed as a reward for doing something constructive. The focus of our sessions frequently returned to her mother, with whom she continued to have a great deal of “unfinished business.” Sabina has never felt securely attached to her mother. During one session when she focused on her troubled relationship with her mother, I offered her the possibility of doing some gestalt empty-chair work in which she would alternately express herself to her mother and then respond back as she imagined her mother would. Sabina welcomed this opportunity and used it effectively, expressing her frustration and hurt that her mother rejected her son, favored her sister, doesn’t tell the truth, and could be mean. The exercise seemed to empower her as she stood up to her mother.

The reader may wonder why a person-centered therapist is using techniques from gestalt therapy. In my view of what it means to be client-centered, the therapist brings forward for the client’s consideration anything that may be of value in the current context. Because dealing with ongoing conflicts with her mother was a major issue for Sabina, it made sense to offer a method that would help her do so.

An issue that arose periodically was Sabina’s belief that her mother preferred her older sister to her. In this regard we began to explore whether Sabina’s self-esteem was dependent on whether her mother favored her sister. To a degree it was, though Sabina was aware that she had other sources of esteem in her life, especially work where she performed at a very high level.

By the end of the first 3 months of therapy, Sabina was getting out of bed earlier, doing more, exercising regularly, and functioning pretty well from day to day. She had begun visiting her mother periodically and calling more often as well. She reported that her visits were pleasant and without incident for the most part. We also spent more time examining the continuing effects of her mother’s leaving her and her sister with Sabina’s aunt in New Jersey as her mother went to live in New York. Sabina began to understand that, as a young adult, her mother was more intent on having a good time in her life than being a mother. This understanding was complicated by the fact that her mother would not acknowledge any failings, nor would she apologize for her disinterest and neglect.

I believe that in the early phase of our therapy, Sabina was aware that I “saw” her, liked her, and valued the person she was. I think she began to see herself a bit more through my eyes and to incorporate a more positive view of herself. She was also beginning to consider that her value was not lessened even if her mother preferred her sister to her.