Set your goals

  Starting with the problem at the top of the list, identify the specific unhelpful behaviour(s) and/or thinking pattern(s) that need to be addressed. For example, if you identify that you are ‘living an unhealthy lifestyle’, you need to be specific about what aspects of your lifestyle are unhealthy and need changing. You need to ask yourself some basic questions such as ‘Do I need to take more exercise?’, ‘Do I need to reduce my alcohol intake?’, ‘Do I need to get more sleep?’, ‘Do I need to eat a healthier diet?’ If the answer to any of these is ‘Yes’, it needs addressing. Reflecting on the problem in this way allows you to identify the specific aspects of it which need changing and clarifying the goals you need to set yourself.

In a similar way to the lifestyle example above, other problem areas can be explored in order to identify the specific goals you want to set yourself. For example, if you identify that ‘poor time management’ is a problem, you should explore which specific aspects of managing your time are problematic and need to be addressed. For example, ask yourself ‘Do I need to overcome a tendency to procrastinate?’, ‘Do I need to learn to delegate more?’, ‘Do I need to learn to prioritize tasks more effectively?’, ‘Do I need to develop my planning skills?’, ‘Do I need to develop my organizational skills?’ You need to specify each problem area at this level of detail in order to identify a specific goal.

If you identify that your social and interpersonal skills are lacking, you need to be specific about what aspects of your social skills are lacking in order to identify the goals for that particular problem area. For example, ask yourself ‘Do I need to focus on changing some of the “non-verbal” aspects of my behaviour? such as “body posture”, “facial expression”, “eye contact” or “personal space”, or “verbal” aspects such as “paraphrasing”, “summarizing”, “asking open questions”, or “appropriate self-disclosure”?’

If you identify that assertiveness is a problem for you, you need to identify what specific aspects of your behaviours and attitudes are unassertive and require changing. For example, ‘Do I need to learn to manage conflict more effectively?’, ‘Do I need to learn to “say no” more often?’, ‘Do I need to learn to stand up for my rights more?’ Similarly, if you identify that you are prone to negative thinking then you need to identify the specific dysfunctional thinking style(s) that you need to change. For example, ‘Am I catastrophizing?’, ‘Jumping to conclusions?’, ‘Mind reading?’, ‘Overgeneralizing?’, ‘Magnifying?’, ‘Minimizing?’, ‘Personalizing?’ or ‘Thinking in black and white terms?’

Identifying your goals is therefore about deciding exactly what unhelpful patterns of behaviour and thinking you want to change. The relevant questionnaires and checklists presented in this book should assist you in this task.

Establish the criteria of success

  Deciding which specific unhelpful patterns of behaviour and thinking you want to change does not in itself tell you very much. You also need to decide what criteria you are going to use to determine when you have successfully achieved the goals you have set yourself. A problem solving approach can be helpful in deciding on your criteria of success. This essentially involves acknowledging where you are at now in terms of the problems that you have identified (Point A) and where you would ideally like to be at some point in the future (Point B). After all, if you have no vision of where you want to be in the future, how do you expect to get there? Point A is the present unacceptable state of affairs or the current mess that you find yourself in and Point B is your preferred scenario at some time point in the future. It is no good just hoping that when you wake up one day, everything will be sorted out. You need to have a clear idea about what changes you want to make, how you are going to get from Point A to Point B and what the shorter-term targets on the way to achieving this are.

The goals and criteria of success that you set yourself should be ‘SMART’. That is, they should be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time bound. Some illustrations of this are given below. For example, if ‘leading an unhealthy lifestyle’ is at the top of your problem list and your goals are to ‘take more exercise’ and ‘reduce your alcohol intake’, these objectives are not ‘SMART’, since they are too vague. However, specifying that you will increase your exercise from its present level to half an hour per day within four weeks, or reduce your alcohol intake from forty to ten units of alcohol per week within four weeks would constitute ‘SMART’. This is because you are identifying specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time bound goals.